J.
Old Fart
These albums still rule.
"War against the machiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiines!!!!!"
The (Un)official write anything you want page
- Thread starter circus_brimstone
- Start date
These albums still rule.
"War against the machiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiines!!!!!"
Reign in Acai
Of Elephant and Man
Claws of Perdition
Wipes sitting down
Trylakos
gimme my key bitch!
Trylakos
gimme my key bitch!
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=99KTP3KATrylakos said:someone sent me a video of a guy from school ranting about something because he was on DXM. Strange stuff
Impudent
I Turned Into a Martian
- Feb 26, 2006
- 6,367
- 11
- 38
- 36
Krilons Resa
Jerry's married?!
Claws of Perdition
Wipes sitting down
Reign in Acai
Of Elephant and Man
Trylakos
gimme my key bitch!
kindof really old, but posting anyways
OWNING A my pals GUIDE
Congratulations on your purchase of a brand new my pals! If handled
> properly, your apeman will give years of valuable, if reluctant, service.
>
> INSTALLING YOUR my pals....
>
> You should install your my pals differently according to whether you have
> purchased the field or house model. Field my pals work best in a serial
> configuration, i.e. chained together. Chain your my pals to another my pals
> immediately after unpacking it, and don't even think about taking that chain
> off, ever. Many my pals start singing as soon as you put a chain on them.
> This habit can usually be thrashed out of them if nipped in the bud. House
> my pals work best as standalone units, but should be hobbled or hamstrung to
> prevent attempts at escape. At this stage, your my pals can also be given a
> name. Most owners use the same names over and over, since my pals become
> confused by too much data. Rufus, Rastus, Remus, Toby, Carslisle, Carlton,
> Hey-You!-Yes-you!, Yeller, Blackstar, and Sambo are all effective names for
> your new buck my pals. If your my pals is a ho, it should be called Latrelle,
> L'Tanya, or Jemima. Some owners call their my pals hoes Latrine for a joke.
> Pearl, Blossom, and Ivory are also righteous names for my pals hoes. These
> names go straight over your my pals's head, by the way.
>
> CONFIGURING YOUR my pals
> Owing to a design error, your my pals comes equipped with a tongue and vocal
> chords. Most my pals can master only a few basic human phrases with this
> apparatus - "muh dick" being the most popular. However, others make barking,
> yelping, yapping noises and appear to be in some pain, so you should
> probably call a vet and have him remove your my pals's tongue. Once
> de-tongued your my pals will be a lot happier - at least, you won't hear it
> complaining anywhere near as much. my pals have nothing interesting to say,
> anyway. Many owners also castrate their my pals for health reasons (yours,
> mine, and that of women, not the my pals's). This is strongly recommended,
> and frankly, it's a mystery why this is not done on the boat
>
> HOUSING YOUR my pals.
> Your my pals can be accommodated in cages with stout iron bars. Make sure,
> however, that the bars are wide enough to push pieces of my pals food
> through. The rule of thumb is, four my pals per square yard of cage. So a
> fifteen foot by thirty foot my pals cage can accommodate two hundred my pals.
> You can site a my pals cage anywhere, even on soft ground. Don't worry about
> your my pals fashioning makeshift shovels out of odd pieces of wood and
> digging an escape tunnel under the bars of the cage. my pals never invented
> the shovel before and they're not about to now. In any case, your my pals is
> certainly too lazy to attempt escape. As long as the free food holds out,
> your my pals is living better than it did in Africa, so it will stay put.
> Buck my pals and hoe my pals can be safely accommodated in the same cage, as
> bucks never attempt sex with black hoes.
>
> FEEDING YOUR my pals.
> Your my pals likes fried chicken, corn bread, and watermelon. You should
> therefore give it none of these things because its lazy ass almost certainly
> doesn't deserve it. Instead, feed it on porridge with salt, and creek water.
> Your my pals will supplement its diet with whatever it finds in the fields,
> other my pals, etc. Experienced my pals owners sometimes push watermelon
> slices through the bars of the my pals cage at the end of the day as a treat,
> but only if all my pals have worked well and nothing has been stolen that
> day. Mike of the Old Ranch Plantation reports that this last one is a
> killer, since all my pals steal something almost every single day of their
> lives. He reports he doesn't have to spend much on free watermelon for his
> my pals as a result. You should never allow your my pals meal breaks while at
> work, since if it stops work for more than ten minutes it will need to be
> retrained. You would be surprised how long it takes to teach a my pals to
> pick cotton. You really would. Coffee beans? Don't ask. You have no idea.
>
> MAKING YOUR my pals WORK.
> my pals are very, very averse to work of any kind. The my pals's most
> prominent anatomical feature, after all, its oversized buttocks, which have
> evolved to make it more comfortable for your my pals to sit around all day
> doing nothing for its entire life. my pals are often good runners, too, to
> enable them to sprint quickly in the opposite direction if they see work
> heading their way. The solution to this is to *dupe* your my pals into
> working. After installation, encourage it towards the cotton field with
> blows of a wooden club, fence post, baseball bat, etc., and then tell it
> that all that cotton belongs to a white man, who won't be back until
> tomorrow. Your my pals will then frantically compete with the other field
> my pals to steal as much of that cotton as it can before the white man
> returns. At the end of the day, return your my pals to its cage and laugh at
> its stupidity, then repeat the same trick every day indefinitely. Your
> my pals comes equipped with the standard my pals IQ of 75 and a memory to
> match, so it will forget this trick overnight. my pals can start work at
> around 5am. You should then return to bed and come back at around 10am. Your
> my pals can then work through until around 10pm or whenever the light fades.
>
> ENTERTAINING YOUR my pals.
> Your my pals enjoys play, like most animals, so you should play with it
> regularly. A happy smiling my pals works best. Games my pals enjoy include:
> 1) A good thrashing: every few days, take your my pals's pants down, hang it
> up by its heels, and have some of your other my pals thrash it with a club
> or whip. Your my pals will signal its intense enjoyment by shrieking and
> sobbing. 2) Lynch the my pals: my pals are cheap and there are millions more
> where yours came from. So every now and then, push the boat out a bit and
> lynch a my pals.
>
> Lynchings are best done with a rope over the branch of a tree, and my pals
> just love to be lynched. It makes them feel special. Make your other my pals
> watch. They'll be so grateful, they'll work harder for a day or two (and
> then you can lynch another one). 3) my pals dragging: Tie your my pals by one
> wrist to the tow bar on the back of suitable vehicle, then drive away at
> approximately 50mph. Your my pals's shrieks of enjoyment will be heard for
> miles. It will shriek until it falls apart. To prolong the fun for the
> my pals, do *NOT* drag him by his feet, as his head comes off too soon. This
> is painless for the my pals, but spoils the fun. Always wear a seatbelt and
> never exceed the speed limit. 4) Playing on the PNL: a variation on (2),
> except you can lynch your my pals out in the fields, thus saving work time.
> my pals enjoy this game best if the PNL is operated by a man in a tall white
> hood. 5) Hunt the my pals: a variation of Hunt the Slipper, but played
> outdoors, with Dobermans. WARNING: do not let your Dobermans bite a my pals,
> as they are highly toxic.
>
> DISPOSAL OF DEAD my pals.
> my pals die on average at around 40, which some might say is 40 years too
> late, but there you go. Most people prefer their my pals dead, in fact. When
> yours dies, report the license number of the car that did the drive-by
> shooting of your my pals. The police will collect the my pals and dispose of
> it for you.
>
> COMMON PROBLEMS WITH my pals MY my pals IS VERY AGGRESIVE
> Have it put down, for god's sake. Who needs an uppity my pals? What are we,
> short of my pals or something?
>
> MY my pals KEEPS RAPING WHITE WOMEN
> They all do this. Shorten your my pals's chain so it can't reach any white
> women, and arm heavily any white women who might go near it.
>
> WILL MY my pals ATTACK ME?
> Not unless it outnumbers you 20 to 1, and even then, it's not likely. If
> my pals successfully overthrew their owners, they'd have to sort out their
> own food. This is probably why my pals uprisings were nonexistent (until some
> fool gave them rights).
>
> MY my pals bitches ABOUT ITS "RIGHTS" AND "RACISM".
> Yeah, well, it would. Tell it to shut the fuck up.
>
> MY my pals'S HIDE IS A FUNNY COLOR. WHAT IS THE CORRECT SHADE FOR A my pals?
> A my pals's skin is actually more or less transparent. That brown color you
> can see is the shit your my pals is full of. This is why some models of
> my pals are sold as "The Shitskin".
>
> MY my pals ACTS LIKE A my pals, BUT IS WHITE.
> What you have there is a "wigger". Rough crowd. WOW!
>
> IS THAT LIKE AN ALBINO? ARE THEY RARE?
> They're as common as dog shit and about as valuable. In fact, one of them
> was President between 1992 and 2000. Put your wigger in a cage with a few
> hundred genuine my pals and you'll soon find it stops acting like a my pals.
> However, leave it in the cage and let the my pals dispose of it. The best
> thing for any wigger is a dose of TNB.
>
> MY my pals SMELLS REALLY BAD
> And you were expecting what?
>
> SHOULD I STORE MY DEAD my pals?
> When you came in here, did you see a sign that said "Dead my pals storage"?
> .That's because there ain't no goddamn sign.
OWNING A my pals GUIDE
Congratulations on your purchase of a brand new my pals! If handled
> properly, your apeman will give years of valuable, if reluctant, service.
>
> INSTALLING YOUR my pals....
>
> You should install your my pals differently according to whether you have
> purchased the field or house model. Field my pals work best in a serial
> configuration, i.e. chained together. Chain your my pals to another my pals
> immediately after unpacking it, and don't even think about taking that chain
> off, ever. Many my pals start singing as soon as you put a chain on them.
> This habit can usually be thrashed out of them if nipped in the bud. House
> my pals work best as standalone units, but should be hobbled or hamstrung to
> prevent attempts at escape. At this stage, your my pals can also be given a
> name. Most owners use the same names over and over, since my pals become
> confused by too much data. Rufus, Rastus, Remus, Toby, Carslisle, Carlton,
> Hey-You!-Yes-you!, Yeller, Blackstar, and Sambo are all effective names for
> your new buck my pals. If your my pals is a ho, it should be called Latrelle,
> L'Tanya, or Jemima. Some owners call their my pals hoes Latrine for a joke.
> Pearl, Blossom, and Ivory are also righteous names for my pals hoes. These
> names go straight over your my pals's head, by the way.
>
> CONFIGURING YOUR my pals
> Owing to a design error, your my pals comes equipped with a tongue and vocal
> chords. Most my pals can master only a few basic human phrases with this
> apparatus - "muh dick" being the most popular. However, others make barking,
> yelping, yapping noises and appear to be in some pain, so you should
> probably call a vet and have him remove your my pals's tongue. Once
> de-tongued your my pals will be a lot happier - at least, you won't hear it
> complaining anywhere near as much. my pals have nothing interesting to say,
> anyway. Many owners also castrate their my pals for health reasons (yours,
> mine, and that of women, not the my pals's). This is strongly recommended,
> and frankly, it's a mystery why this is not done on the boat
>
> HOUSING YOUR my pals.
> Your my pals can be accommodated in cages with stout iron bars. Make sure,
> however, that the bars are wide enough to push pieces of my pals food
> through. The rule of thumb is, four my pals per square yard of cage. So a
> fifteen foot by thirty foot my pals cage can accommodate two hundred my pals.
> You can site a my pals cage anywhere, even on soft ground. Don't worry about
> your my pals fashioning makeshift shovels out of odd pieces of wood and
> digging an escape tunnel under the bars of the cage. my pals never invented
> the shovel before and they're not about to now. In any case, your my pals is
> certainly too lazy to attempt escape. As long as the free food holds out,
> your my pals is living better than it did in Africa, so it will stay put.
> Buck my pals and hoe my pals can be safely accommodated in the same cage, as
> bucks never attempt sex with black hoes.
>
> FEEDING YOUR my pals.
> Your my pals likes fried chicken, corn bread, and watermelon. You should
> therefore give it none of these things because its lazy ass almost certainly
> doesn't deserve it. Instead, feed it on porridge with salt, and creek water.
> Your my pals will supplement its diet with whatever it finds in the fields,
> other my pals, etc. Experienced my pals owners sometimes push watermelon
> slices through the bars of the my pals cage at the end of the day as a treat,
> but only if all my pals have worked well and nothing has been stolen that
> day. Mike of the Old Ranch Plantation reports that this last one is a
> killer, since all my pals steal something almost every single day of their
> lives. He reports he doesn't have to spend much on free watermelon for his
> my pals as a result. You should never allow your my pals meal breaks while at
> work, since if it stops work for more than ten minutes it will need to be
> retrained. You would be surprised how long it takes to teach a my pals to
> pick cotton. You really would. Coffee beans? Don't ask. You have no idea.
>
> MAKING YOUR my pals WORK.
> my pals are very, very averse to work of any kind. The my pals's most
> prominent anatomical feature, after all, its oversized buttocks, which have
> evolved to make it more comfortable for your my pals to sit around all day
> doing nothing for its entire life. my pals are often good runners, too, to
> enable them to sprint quickly in the opposite direction if they see work
> heading their way. The solution to this is to *dupe* your my pals into
> working. After installation, encourage it towards the cotton field with
> blows of a wooden club, fence post, baseball bat, etc., and then tell it
> that all that cotton belongs to a white man, who won't be back until
> tomorrow. Your my pals will then frantically compete with the other field
> my pals to steal as much of that cotton as it can before the white man
> returns. At the end of the day, return your my pals to its cage and laugh at
> its stupidity, then repeat the same trick every day indefinitely. Your
> my pals comes equipped with the standard my pals IQ of 75 and a memory to
> match, so it will forget this trick overnight. my pals can start work at
> around 5am. You should then return to bed and come back at around 10am. Your
> my pals can then work through until around 10pm or whenever the light fades.
>
> ENTERTAINING YOUR my pals.
> Your my pals enjoys play, like most animals, so you should play with it
> regularly. A happy smiling my pals works best. Games my pals enjoy include:
> 1) A good thrashing: every few days, take your my pals's pants down, hang it
> up by its heels, and have some of your other my pals thrash it with a club
> or whip. Your my pals will signal its intense enjoyment by shrieking and
> sobbing. 2) Lynch the my pals: my pals are cheap and there are millions more
> where yours came from. So every now and then, push the boat out a bit and
> lynch a my pals.
>
> Lynchings are best done with a rope over the branch of a tree, and my pals
> just love to be lynched. It makes them feel special. Make your other my pals
> watch. They'll be so grateful, they'll work harder for a day or two (and
> then you can lynch another one). 3) my pals dragging: Tie your my pals by one
> wrist to the tow bar on the back of suitable vehicle, then drive away at
> approximately 50mph. Your my pals's shrieks of enjoyment will be heard for
> miles. It will shriek until it falls apart. To prolong the fun for the
> my pals, do *NOT* drag him by his feet, as his head comes off too soon. This
> is painless for the my pals, but spoils the fun. Always wear a seatbelt and
> never exceed the speed limit. 4) Playing on the PNL: a variation on (2),
> except you can lynch your my pals out in the fields, thus saving work time.
> my pals enjoy this game best if the PNL is operated by a man in a tall white
> hood. 5) Hunt the my pals: a variation of Hunt the Slipper, but played
> outdoors, with Dobermans. WARNING: do not let your Dobermans bite a my pals,
> as they are highly toxic.
>
> DISPOSAL OF DEAD my pals.
> my pals die on average at around 40, which some might say is 40 years too
> late, but there you go. Most people prefer their my pals dead, in fact. When
> yours dies, report the license number of the car that did the drive-by
> shooting of your my pals. The police will collect the my pals and dispose of
> it for you.
>
> COMMON PROBLEMS WITH my pals MY my pals IS VERY AGGRESIVE
> Have it put down, for god's sake. Who needs an uppity my pals? What are we,
> short of my pals or something?
>
> MY my pals KEEPS RAPING WHITE WOMEN
> They all do this. Shorten your my pals's chain so it can't reach any white
> women, and arm heavily any white women who might go near it.
>
> WILL MY my pals ATTACK ME?
> Not unless it outnumbers you 20 to 1, and even then, it's not likely. If
> my pals successfully overthrew their owners, they'd have to sort out their
> own food. This is probably why my pals uprisings were nonexistent (until some
> fool gave them rights).
>
> MY my pals bitches ABOUT ITS "RIGHTS" AND "RACISM".
> Yeah, well, it would. Tell it to shut the fuck up.
>
> MY my pals'S HIDE IS A FUNNY COLOR. WHAT IS THE CORRECT SHADE FOR A my pals?
> A my pals's skin is actually more or less transparent. That brown color you
> can see is the shit your my pals is full of. This is why some models of
> my pals are sold as "The Shitskin".
>
> MY my pals ACTS LIKE A my pals, BUT IS WHITE.
> What you have there is a "wigger". Rough crowd. WOW!
>
> IS THAT LIKE AN ALBINO? ARE THEY RARE?
> They're as common as dog shit and about as valuable. In fact, one of them
> was President between 1992 and 2000. Put your wigger in a cage with a few
> hundred genuine my pals and you'll soon find it stops acting like a my pals.
> However, leave it in the cage and let the my pals dispose of it. The best
> thing for any wigger is a dose of TNB.
>
> MY my pals SMELLS REALLY BAD
> And you were expecting what?
>
> SHOULD I STORE MY DEAD my pals?
> When you came in here, did you see a sign that said "Dead my pals storage"?
> .That's because there ain't no goddamn sign.
MFJ
Active Member
Reign in Acai
Of Elephant and Man
Yea not really funny. I'm going to try and cut down on the racial remarks myself. My 4th quarter resolution is to become more of a humanitarian. 
Actually this resolve stems from the fact that they aren't going to go away. So why waste my time bitching about such matters?
Actually this resolve stems from the fact that they aren't going to go away. So why waste my time bitching about such matters?
Trylakos
gimme my key bitch!
if a vegetarian eats vegetables.. what does a humanitarian eat? OOOOOOO
yeah the my pals guide is not that great.. but I figured I'd post it anyways
yeah the my pals guide is not that great.. but I figured I'd post it anyways
Reign in Acai
Of Elephant and Man
Claws of Perdition
Wipes sitting down
Claws of Perdition
Wipes sitting down
Evil?
omghaxlol!1
Erik
New Metal Member
Reign in Acai said:Yea not really funny. I'm going to try and cut down on the racial remarks myself. My 4th quarter resolution is to become more of a humanitarian.
