Things you can find in your oatmeal

[Jurched]

Awrright, I'm gettin tired of this shit!

Once was shocking enough. Twice was breath-takingly outrageous! But THREE fuckin times is getting brain-damaged!!

I'm getting really tired of finding other peoples' nails in my food!!!!

What the fuck is this shit?!

About a month ago, I was eatin some Quaker Oats. Rather enjoying it, I might add. Until a hard, sharp piece caught itself in my teeth. And what was it?

A goddamned fingernail!

Got kinda pissed but whipped it in the trash and finished my oatmeal. My wife said she felt like throwing up and swore never to eat oatmeal again.

But it reminded me of some oatmeal a few months back, when I felt something hard in my mouth but just swallowed it, thinkin it was a piece of hard apple skin...

Now I think that thing painfully scraping its way down the back of my throat was another fuckin fingernail!

AND NOW, just yesterday, my wife poured a glass of Tropicana Pure, the expensive high-end shit, and was enjoying the 100% juice... until she spat it all over the table and showed me a FUCKIN fingernail!

This shit's gettin heavy.

What's up with processed foods? Is it some sort of union policy that those dirty pigs on the line have to clip their nails into the vat of finished product??!

What da fuck, man?!

Jurched

 

[Mythos Inibri]

sometimes cut onions looks like large toenails

 

[EerieVon]

Awrright, I'm gettin tired of this shit!

Once was shocking enough. Twice was breath-takingly outrageous! But THREE fuckin times is getting brain-damaged!!

I'm getting really tired of finding other peoples' nails in my food!!!!

What the fuck is this shit?!

About a month ago, I was eatin some Quaker Oats. Rather enjoying it, I might add. Until a hard, sharp piece caught itself in my teeth. And what was it?

A goddamned fingernail!

Got kinda pissed but whipped it in the trash and finished my oatmeal. My wife said she felt like throwing up and swore never to eat oatmeal again.

But it reminded me of some oatmeal a few months back, when I felt something hard in my mouth but just swallowed it, thinkin it was a piece of hard apple skin...

Now I think that thing painfully scraping its way down the back of my throat was another fuckin fingernail!

AND NOW, just yesterday, my wife poured a glass of Tropicana Pure, the expensive high-end shit, and was enjoying the 100% juice... until she spat it all over the table and showed me a FUCKIN fingernail!

This shit's gettin heavy.

What's up with processed foods? Is it some sort of union policy that those dirty pigs on the line have to clip their nails into the vat of finished product??!

What da fuck, man?!

Jurched

Third worlders in a union?

 

[Oblivious Maximus]

Is your house on an indian burial ground or something? First the attack of the killer pepsi cans and now this

 

[SueNC]

the Campbell Soup company is a few miles away from me. i've had people tell me about all kinda of things they find in the vats of soup before they can it and ship it out.
most notably... a pair of underwear in the cream of mushroom vat.

 

[Arg_Hamster]

You might find parts of Wilford Brimely.

 

[Mxgonzo]

the Campbell Soup company is a few miles away from me. i've had people tell me about all kinda of things they find in the vats of soup before they can it and ship it out.
most notably... a pair of underwear in the cream of mushroom vat.

Uh!!! And I like cream of mushroom. Did not need to know that.

 

[Jurched]

Is your house on an indian burial ground or something? First the attack of the killer pepsi cans and now this

Huh. I wonder. First I thought one've you amateur sorcerers had cursed my foodstuffs in retaliation for crapping all over global warming.

But now I think I shouldn't have ritually desecrated all those femurs and tibias I kept spading up in me garden last spring...

Shit!

Jurched

 

[SueNC]

Uh!!! And I like cream of mushroom. Did not need to know that.

i love it for cooking, but i now check the contents of the can carefully when i pour it out. either that, or use a different brand of soup.

 

[Alteredmindeath]

I would call the company and let them know, otherwise its probably the demons in your house.

 

[Jurched]

I would call the company and let them know, otherwise its probably the demons in your house.

At first I thought I was taking this all the wrong way. I mean, maybe this is union policy? Maybe the union bosses require the workers to throw fingernail and hair nose clippings into the vats, as well as requiring the fattest guy to take a dump in the doritos mash once a month... ya know, to keep the management from getting too cocky.

Who knows?

Well, I'll tell ya, the plot thickens and the story gets creepier here.

I was just writing my letters of complaint to Tropicana and Quaker Oats, telling them what fuckin pigs work on their lines, and guess what I learned?

Both companies are own by... ta da! PEPSICO!

Yeah!! The same muthafuckas whose soda was redecorating my basement back in the summer's also responsible for their juice being spat across the kitchen and their oats being thrown in the trash!

I don't know why the fuck PepsiCo's declared war on my ass, but I tell ya, I ain't surrendering on this one. Hell no.

This is fuckin war. Yeah!! Alert Coca Cola Corp. for a possible military alliance!

Jurched

 

[Evil Dead]

my wife poured a glass of Tropicana Pure, the expensive high-end shit

you make your oj sound like coke..the columbian kind

 

[fah-q]

Is it possible that it was one of your own toenails? When my wife isn't looking, I like to sit on the edge of the bed and clip my toenails. She's always tellin' me to do that in the bathroom. One day, whilst munching on a bag of potato chips in bed, my wife bit into a rather hard chip. She took it out of her mouth and held it up long enough to identify it, say ewww and then punch me in the side of the head for clipping my toenails in bed. I of course was laughing uncontrollably.