Well, i havent read all the post but i swear I will. I am too tired right now.
Depression was mentioned, so..I had it when i was 16. Took meds for 3 years, and then I was 'good'. My whole family has this shit, and all doctors say its a family thing. Other aspects of my life arent great right now, like my relationship with my wife. When someone you really love throws the wedding ring at you, it cant feel great, right ? My stuttering (yeah, i am a friggin' stutter) is also bothering me too much but it is something that will be with me for the rest of my life. The list can get long if I start to list everything i am unsatisfied, but wtf, everyone has a big list.
Anyway, the topic is not about that
So, it is possible i have depression, but, i dont know man. To be honest, i almost dont listen to music anymore. Sometimes i am so tired when i come from work, that i don't even turn the ar conditioner on my car because it really bothers. The music i listen is almost 100% the crap i record, and mostly crap i really dislike. And sometimes i just avoid listening what my wife dislikes. Maybe THAT is the problem. Listening to music, finding a way to make it a big part of my life again.
I've sold a big chunk of my gear when my wife was pregnant. I had to buy a bunch of home gear (a big /m\ ), so the first thing to go was my pedals, some speakers, some mikes. Now i've got two guitars, my SG and my COrt, an EQ, and Boost, both whose use is only recording, and my home built amp. It is probably something I will not sell just because it brings back some great memories. But it is a pity to leave those things 'thrown'.
I am jsut trying to be honest to myself. I kinda envy my friends with bands, and regret leaving music behind when all those things happened in the last year, but right now i am really looking for answers, and that's why I posted here. You guys are a cool bunch of people and always have something smart to say