this morning, 4 a.m......

[exy]

Indeed.
Pain is a part of happiness actually.Without pain in your life you cant be happy.

 

[Weathered]

sorry for not posting so long... but some things happened and changed... i can't say more than thank you for all you words and that you share with me which hard times you all were standing through. i feel also embarrased when i read what (for example) deliverance and dark exile have gone through... i always need some time to come back and write some more, when i show my vulnerability... the feeling i have is pretty much the same like 2 weeks ago. i wake up sad and i cannot really explain why. but some days ago i found a quote, that may explains my situation. i try to translate it...

"the sensitive human does not feel sad because he has been disappointed by the ones he loves. he feels sad because he knows that he can never ever satisfy his longing."

and when you look at yourself and see, that you have destroyed everything you ever wanted... when everything you ever longed for contradicts with what you have done... where can you go then? what can you do then? can you believe yourself? my love and my life slipped through my hands and did nothing against it. i was too apathetic and i hate myself for it. maybe it's not as fucked up as i think it is. maybe i see everything too dramatical. maybe i just need to have patience like you said reece... and patience means suffering... well said. i hope something good happens in the near future.

thank you all for opening yourself up and showing you vulnerability, too! that's something i wish more of my friends would do. thank you

 

[Tone-Deaf]

@tone deaf
Man you're cool I'm sure we would be good friends if we were in the same place.One day you'll find the right people to call them friends...You rock

hehe, thanks man, you would be a great friend too.
well, i feel like i was a bit overdramatical, but what i've said isn't a lie.
I have 2-3 people that would support me if anything goes wrong, but again it's like we live in total different worlds, there are so few comons between us that we couldn't discuss a subject for over 10 minutes.

hmm. I guess there are many people that are in a really worse place, i should be glad that i have this kind of life.

 

[Scourge of Malice]

sorry for not posting so long... but some things happened and changed... i can't say more than thank you for all you words and that you share with me which hard times you all were standing through. i feel also embarrased when i read what (for example) deliverance and dark exile have gone through... i always need some time to come back and write some more, when i show my vulnerability... the feeling i have is pretty much the same like 2 weeks ago. i wake up sad and i cannot really explain why. but some days ago i found a quote, that may explains my situation. i try to translate it...

"the sensitive human does not feel sad because he has been disappointed by the ones he loves. he feels sad because he knows that he can never ever satisfy his longing."

and when you look at yourself and see, that you have destroyed everything you ever wanted... when everything you ever longed for contradicts with what you have done... where can you go then? what can you do then? can you believe yourself? my love and my life slipped through my hands and did nothing against it. i was too apathetic and i hate myself for it. maybe it's not as fucked up as i think it is. maybe i see everything too dramatical. maybe i just need to have patience like you said reece... and patience means suffering... well said. i hope something good happens in the near future.

thank you all for opening yourself up and showing you vulnerability, too! that's something i wish more of my friends would do. thank you

Keep at it man, things always get better! One day you'll look back and this and be thankful you went through this, cause you'll have grown a lot. Hope things start looking up soon.

 

[no_reply]

thanx guys......this is actually what I do part time for a living....although I work with drug and alcohol dependant people.....everyone in the end has the same basic fears and problems.....just different scopes and factors........I love helping people.....it helps me stay human.....
besides.....life in the end is all about love and living with, and for love....christ.....when I die I want people to have known love from me....everyone...no regrets....and freedom from my own sick soul is the benefit.

I need help man...don't know what to say really, i've been having these suicidal tendences since i was 15 and there's always something holding me back, but there will be a certain time when there wont be no one or anything to hold me back,and i'm so fucking afraid.....

 

[Vex Loser]

My mom has had MS (multiple sclerose) for many years before I was even born, so she's getting worse every year. She's most of the time in a wheelchair nowadays and the degrading goes pretty fast (when I look back a few years she could still walk).

Oh man, I can relate 100%. My mother was diagnosed with MS about 2 years ago and the whole experience has been fucking terrible. To see the person who you care about the most mentally and physically disintegrating before you is almost unbearable. And to top off she has been driven just short of financial ruin because of all the medication and hospital visits, many of which were ineffectual. I don't know what it's like in your country but here in the states about 85% of MS patients end up bankrupt because of the high cost of the medicine combined with their inability to govern themselves financially.

 

[Deliverance6]

I need help man...don't know what to say really, i've been having these suicidal tendences since i was 15 and there's always something holding me back, but there will be a certain time when there wont be no one or anything to hold me back,and i'm so fucking afraid.....

I would suggest talking to people and getting vulnerable about whats really going on with you before such extreme emotions come up.......as a preventative measure.....but that is assuming you have people in your life you trust.....certainly not everyone has "or knows they have" people like that in their life.....to me it is one of the most important thing in my life.

 

[i aint play this]

I agree with Scourge's post

 

[Vincent J.]

Oh man, I can relate 100%. My mother was diagnosed with MS about 2 years ago and the whole experience has been fucking terrible. To see the person who you care about the most mentally and physically disintegrating before you is almost unbearable. And to top off she has been driven just short of financial ruin because of all the medication and hospital visits, many of which were ineffectual. I don't know what it's like in your country but here in the states about 85% of MS patients end up bankrupt because of the high cost of the medicine combined with their inability to govern themselves financially.

I think your situation is far worse than mine... I mean, I grew up like this and all, so it's 'normal'... Financially it's ok. My mother gets money from the government for not being able to work. She doesn't have to do a lot of things like hospital visits so that isn't really a problem too. The medication... I don't really know how it's done.. I think we don't have to pay them 'fully'...
not sure about this all though..
USA is really fucked up concerning health care and everything...
I hope this situation won't be too bad for you...