To those with few or no "friends"

[RETIREDTrapped]

But trying to be different (and perhaps better) can be a good thing in some cases. If the people around you are doing things that you think are harmful are wrong or just plain stupid, than there's nothing wrong with deliberately setting higher and "different" standards for yourself, and therefore trying to be different.

... In this case, you are 'being different' because you do not want to act like your freinds, it is not of your personality.

THAT is being you.

Thankyou, you just totally proved my point.

...But!! Where you say that you are "deliberately setting higher and "different" standards for yourself, and therefore trying to be different", you are being different for the sake of being different, to put yourself above others.

That is stupid.

If 'being yourself' calls for you to be different, then so be it! But don't go out of your way to be 'better' than everyone else. That is being snobbish.

People make their own choices, and simply because you make differen ones does not make you 'better' then them.

 

[lumen]

I think I see your point, Trapped, but I think you are oversimplifying things somewhat.

You're implying and objectivity in humanity that just doesn't exist is reality. So many choices are made based on comparison... I like this band because they are BETTER than that one, I like these people because they are more interesting than those ones, I live my life this way because it's better than that way... It's not snobbishness as much as it's just a matter of preference.

Yeah, if it goes too far and you start thinking "I'm the greatest because I am so different than all those other people who just suck," then sure THAT is stupid.

But sometimes you can't recognize negative/harmful things until you see them in someone else's behaviour. And at that point you may choose to say, "I don't like that. I don't want to act like that.
I want to be different." And you're making that choice because you think different is better.

It's not just elitism. Sometimes you have to make these kinds of value judgements to get through life.

And to relate this back to the few friends thing... like some people have already indicated in their posts sometimes when you make these kinds of value judgements you end up with fewer friends.

 

[RETIREDTrapped]

.... No. You don't see my point at all.

I am referring to people that go out 'just' to be different (...such as 'goths', who think they are 'tortured souls', yet they are posers...! Sorry to those of you who dress up like Dani Filth... No offence!).

If you do something, anything, it should be because that's what you want to do, and that is how you feel. Not simply because you want to be different to someone else.

I think we are talking about two TOTALLY different things here, this is why we're not seeing eye-to-eye.

 

[Jayde]

So, does anyone get what I'm saying now?

 

[RETIREDTrapped]

no. I still disagree with you.

sorry...

 

[YaYo]

hm, well i always want to have people on the internet to talk to (that includes 'real' friends) because its so easy, and one on one, and no shit goes with it. But there is a place for my friends, i have heaps of fun with all of them, some are shallow, others couldnt add together 2 + 6, others i dont really have many similarities with. But like i said, they all have their place, and i love having them. Im lucky enough to have met some people who i really connect with, who i can sit around with as a small group (say 3 or 4 people) and relax with, and have the odd intellectual chat, or be an idiot with, etc. But there are many many times when i need to be alone, and this christmas period is one of them because everyone has been on holidays and its stressed me out, my computer sits in the lounge room so whenever im using it ive got a TV blasting in my ears, way too many lights on, people making stupid idle chit-chat... it will be heaven tomorrow when i finally get to be alone again. sigh.



and Jayde i get what your saying, theres heaps of people around that just dont get the opportunity to 'be themselves'. I find that sometimes if the situation is right then i can eventually get people to just be themselves around me, and see that underneath they really wish to be different (as in, they want to be something that isnt 'the same', they arent actively trying to be different for any reason other than to be who they want to be) but society doesnt really allow it these days, so yes it is good when people can be themselves and be different. But dont forget that if someone is just being themselves yet is 'the same' then that is just as good (they are just lucky that they fit in). The emphasis isnt on the 'being different', its on the 'being yourself' whether that means being different OR the same.