turning down a chick

[Chryst Krispies]

I don't want to simply fuck her. And I think it's easier to become "friends" before going into a relationship. The foundation of your relationship becomes thicker and more solid that way. You can look at it as a reeeeeally long period of "light" dating if you will.

Friends don't just suddenly "end up" in romantic relationships.

 

[Erik Monsonis]

Please don't become her friend or you'll regret.

 

[GarethSE]

Friends don't just suddenly "end up" in romantic relationships.

they do on occaision after a friendship rooted in playful flirtatiousness.

 

[Chryst Krispies]

they do on occaision after a friendship rooted in playful flirtatiousness.

"On occasion" is a pretty shitty percentage. Just go for broke or go home. Waiting in the "friend zone" is a shitty game plan.

 

[LeSedna]

No of course not, but I just wanted to voice my STRONG disgust in all of these "tricks" to pick up girls.uke:

Don't get me wrong, it's great you're all sharing your uhm... tips and tricks to pick up girls but I just felt like I had to vent my disgust in all of that stuff

Carry on!

Edit: Damn it, Soultrash made it before me so my reply looks like it's for the image above haha. Well, it's to LeSedna anyway!

Well, maybe I didn't go in the same direction as the beginning of the thread. It's not about having tricks to pick up a girl or at least I'm not even thinking of it now that the original post has been answered a lot directly and that a topic raised. You know, you could say the way you approach a girl (being friend, and then trying to make her understand) is a trick to have the girl you want too, another way.

There is nothing bad trying to show mostly confidence, a rock n roll side, and trying to create desire for the girl, and nothing incompatible with deep relationship. Also, if you don't show this everyday, a relationship could stop, as a car needing carburant. It's the way it works and it's certainly not theorical, I'm just thinking of all the friends that I know and that are stil with girls, and also about the interesting relationships I had, and for everyone of them there was a point where a sparkle was lit, and for most of them it worked because a lot of things are done at the beginning of a relationship of any sort, when both discover and try to understand who is the other, and one of these things was trying to create an image for the girl, and vice versa certainly, because girls do 50% of the job (well, it depends on how we/they look, let's be honest, I know nobody saying "I never liked the way he/she looks I only like his character").

I understand your point of view and it's mine too, but it's not the only aspect of seduction/love/relationship, and idealistic things just fail most of the time. Maybe one day I don't doubt it...

Also, girls will always say (like narissa just did ) it's so nice to think only that way and be loyal to it. But most of them will never be attracted to somebody that will ONLY be that way. And I'm sure most of them aren't even aware of how much they need something else, or don't tell it !

Also, having a relation based on sex and being a dickhead-chaser is not the same. If the situation is clear on both side, it can be so good, even if only for a short time.

I mean, it's cool bro, I was the same years ago. Now I seriously think you have to take the best from everything, wether it be love, fun, sex, a mix of all or dunno what. It's just I keep my ideal : never cheat or lie, always be clear, and you'll be surprised of how many girls can like this ! I'm really happy of all that part of my life since I started to think this way. And one day a or THE girl will appear, no doubt about it.

guys like you are far and few between. and i agree with you. but, its better guys get it out when they are young i guess. before theres a girls heart to break.

Ahh, my scientific fact shows up ! I'm gonna start a thesis on this theme

EDIT : omg, girls make me write really tremendous posts.

 

[Erkan]

I love the way you think Erkan, in an idealised world what you promote would be the way people went about things.

Unfortunately I don't think it really works in real life, it's gotta be sex before relationship, spending all that time being friends means you're only good at that - being friends, so that's what you'll usually stay as.

I have no problem with sex before relationship, it's not like I'm some conservative asshole or something haha =) For me personally though, I just don't see the point in it. It's not like my life would get any better just because I fucked around with random girls every weekend. I'm sorry but that's just me and everybody probably thinks I'm weird - or gay. Haha =)

haha i knew someone here felt that way,right on. but, some people arent ready for relationships and everything. i thinks it cool you feel that way. guys like you are far and few between. and i agree with you. but, its better guys get it out when they are young i guess. before theres a girls heart to break.

Yeah, seems like there's a lot of guys who need to do all kinds of stupid shit to grow up and then become ready for a relationship. I have no idea why I have never felt the need for this though. Maybe it's got to do with the way I was raised, maybe it's just the way I "turned out". I often get to hear I'm so easy to talk to though and girls do tend to find me as an awesome friend so yeah... maybe I'm just too kind. Fuck!

i used to be idealistic too
and then i grew up a little

You're 4 years younger than me and you've grown up? Guess I'm veeeery late then because I still feel the way I described =) I have no interest at all in simply picking up girls and deploying all this macho bullshit in their face. I'm just me 100% of the time and if that doesn't get me laid - fine, I won't die from it. I just keep rollin', doing what I've gotta do with my life and trying to get on with mah music! Haha.

I can respect this!

I would definitely take it slow on someone I really want to "keep" for lack of a better word at the moment. However I'm not into having sex with my "friends" but that doesn't mean the one girl I care about won't be my friend as well.

it can all get so confusing.

This exactly! I wasn't making it clear enough that this girl is not just some cheap "pickup", she's awesome. In fact, I've never been interested in a girl for more than a few weeks, up until now. She has kept my interest strong and even growing more and more over 5 months now. We had a talk a few days ago about this and it's nice to know where we stand, so we'll see where it goes from here but it never felt as if we were just "friends" to begin with anyway.. I always felt there was this tiny something "more", even from the start.

I mean, it's cool bro, I was the same years ago. Now I seriously think you have to take the best from everything, wether it be love, fun, sex, a mix of all or dunno what. It's just I keep my ideal : never cheat or lie, always be clear, and you'll be surprised of how many girls can like this ! I'm really happy of all that part of my life since I started to think this way. And one day a or THE girl will appear, no doubt about it.

Good post! Can't comment on all of it but this part is interesting. It sounds like this is something many guys have felt in their "young age" and then realized it doesn't work so they grew out of it. Well I'm 22 now and I'm still the same and I don't see this changing any time soon.



Btw, sorry for dragging this thread into a more "serious" discussion. I know it was meant to discuss simply "fuck and run" situations and I don't know why I started going all "serious business" on your asses. Sorry!

 

[Machinated]

epic thread, some classic posts in here.

i cannot understand people who wait to have sex - why would anybody want a relationship with someone they dont enjoy having sex with?

 

[Line666]

I have no problem with sex before relationship

Well yeah, by that I mean sex before any sort of personal friendship as well if you will, there are different type of "friends" though and I think it depends on which way round that sort of thing goes, having it the other way round is the ultra awkward (and usually ultra lucky if you're a guy) way to do it. I think a lot of women treat their male friends as if they were other women - ie they've got no masculine qualities in their eyes, just someone else to gossip and talk to. Trying not to get too dictionary here haha but, sex is the precedent that needs to be established early on otherwise a friendship is developed. That's why if you're a guy you need to make your intentions (fairly) clear early on to be rejected or not.

And don't apologise, I think it's a fairly worthwhile discussion to develop into, threads evolve otherwise we'd all be canned for somewhere to go after the first few posts.

 

[jangoux]

Erkan, If i can say something on this thread, its if you have interested in having a relationship with the girl, i understand the idea that you want to be her friend before anything, but dont go to far with it - I mean, if you're interested on her for 5 months or something, you have to show her interest, show her if you feel something. I used to be that way, mostly because i SUCK with those algorithms to 'get chicks', and often, VERY OFTEN, i heard things like 'Ivan, if you were not so friend of mine, I'd fall in love with you', and then the girl would hook up with someone else. You don't need to be a jerk to show the interest, ask her out to some naive date, i dont know, i suck at this.

BTW, whoever said that you NEED sex to make something happen in wrong. Me and my wife were very good friends before we got drunk and had sex (we did that on purpose - I mean, I dont drink, and she knew i was doing that as an excuse eheheh) - 5 years together/1 year married now. So that can work too! But usually friendships that go to far end up as ..friendships.

 

[Erkan]

Yea I hear ya, and it seems to be true that girls look at male friends as just another female friend really. I can't deny that, I've had it happen to myself.

Man, this shit is confusing, fuck this. This is one of the moments when I fire up "Strapping Young Lad - Love" and fall in love with its lyrics! :>

Edit: Oh.. just realized I should let you know something else too - not that it's really important for anyone to know but this girl has gone through some pretty heavy shit so that's a big part of why I'm taking it so easy. Seriously, if you think you've got all the charm and tricks in the world, it wouldn't do jack shit against this girl. Just a little side note to stop people from wondering why I'm so careful (or to stop you from wondering if I'm just gay hahaha)

 

[Joematthews]

The problem with being "friends" before a relationship is that you loose a friend as well as a girlfriend if it goes tits up. I'd liked my girlfriend for months before I asked her out, and this weekend I came so fucking close to loosing her, made me think it wouldn't be so bad if she wasn't pretty much my best friend before all of this.

Joe

 

[Narissa]

theres a difference in being in the freind zone and getting to know a really awesome chick. you can show some respectable interest and talk about "freind things" to get to know where you both stand. and theres always going to be a chance that you lose the relationship. but if it starts with a better foundation, its harder to break. honestly, it takes one night to know if you met a good one. if you bring her to your place and thats your style, cool. if not, you wont lose her if she was right for you. flings turn into relationships. relationships turn out to be flings. it happens. establishing what you want and where you stand is important, and commendible. like some of you said, if she goes home with you, she knows what that means. and there are just as many girls that feel the same way about guys. but having a good relationship isnt something that can never happen, or as some people have said, something to forget and grow up about. my standards for a guy were high and unusual. very rare to find in anyone actually, even though they were personality based. and i dated people and lowered my standards, it doesnt work out. but i found my guy eventually. its not impossible to find. nothing wrong with any of you guys having standards. as long as your standards arent "porn star virgin with natural tripple f's and a size zero waist"

and on a side note, btw, not all metal girls are fat. im a size 2! maybe you guys should try finding metal chicks in a beach town...lol

 

[updog]

as long as your standards arent "porn star virgin with natural tripple f's and a size zero waist"

I can assure you, that's not even close I even think the sexiest women are what some moronic people might find a little fat. Needs to have teh titties and curves.

 

[jangoux]

I like nerdy girls.

Btw, is this a worldwide fame metal girls have - fatness/uglyness/stinkyness ?

 

[Chryst Krispies]

It's not just chicks. Metal fans in general are usually fucking weird.

 

[SocialNumb]

Yup^ Over here they look a bit dirty, overweight and I always see them outside fast food places. Not all of course. The worst looking ones IMO are the dudes that can't grow full facial hair but refuse to shave what I call the dirt look. They also tend to live in trailer parks.

 

[FIXXXER]

 

[Harry Hughes]

I fucking love Nevermore, Meshuggah and all sorts of metal, but man, I don't really go for metal chicks at all to be honest. The closest thing to a "metal" chick I was involved with was some chick that had a Blind Guardian shirt, but it turns out she only liked them because one of her best friends did, fuck poser idiot And now I don't even like power metal much anymore anyway

Say blasphemy, but I pretty much prefer just punk/emo/whateverthefucktheyareinthatstyle type girls. Not the "scene" girls though, they take it way too far with the makeup and over the top clothes.
I swear, every metal chick I've met just wears black all the time in public. It's like seeing a fucking cartoon, someone that lives this cartoon lifestyle where they live in a vacuum where black is the only color to wear

It least the punk chicks have a sense of color, and IMO just dress better anyway and seem far less concerned about staying "tr00".

I also totally lack the "unwashed metalhead" look. Most people are surprised when I tell them I listen to death and groove metal when they first meet me, because I generally dress nice and just make an effort to look good overall when I go to the pub or somewhere else decent.

I like metal, but fuck, last time I went to a metal night club and saw guys in their mid 30s dressed like they still wished they were 16, it only further reinforced my sentiments on finding it hard to take the metal image outside of playing a gig in a metal band seriously.
I'm 21 and already grown out of that over the top metal image, so it's just embarrassing to see people in their mid 30s that haven't, it's like watching a cartoon, fuck.

 

[Machinated]

yeah i agree with you harry - im definitely not into looking metal, and have had it a couple of times chatting to girls who turn out to be the same (dont feel the need to dress like it, but listen to is). pretty odd when that happens, i actually have to prove im not lying to them and have to name drop a few bands to show i know what im talking about!

 

[Harry Hughes]

yeah i agree with you harry - im definitely not into looking metal, and have had it a couple of times chatting to girls who turn out to be the same (dont feel the need to dress like it, but listen to is). pretty odd when that happens, i actually have to prove im not lying to them and have to name drop a few bands to show i know what im talking about!

Dropping the name of Meshuggah down, as well as naming specific songs and albums worked for me last time I was at a pub when I was dressed real nice. Was talking to some random dude with Meshuggah shirt, told him I dug the band and he just said, who cares what you look like, you know your shit.
I'm also reminded of a time some girl came to my house with my friend, again me not dressed metal, I had her convinced I was actually a big hip hop and techno fan.
Then she looked through my iTunes list and saw Gojira, Nevermore, Megadeth and Opeth. She cracked the shits at me and thought I was a weirdo