ok, here's something to think about for any of you on this board that do believe god exists whether you supposedly worship him or not. we know good and well that scott is an atheist, most likely john and the other guys too. they're just not as vocal about it. their lack of faith is more apparent than ever now with the thraxagram logo and numerous lyrical mentions of a lack of belief in god on WCFYA. any serious anthrax fan who listens to their music and takes it seriously as we all do and claims to believe in god and be a christian is hypocritical and lying to themselves. if god is real do you really think he likes anthrax? i doubt it. and what about other bands that most of us listen to like slayer, overkill, black label society, exodus, etc...? listening tot he type of ,usic we do and claiming to be christian just doesn't work. i tried it when i was a teenager because i was raised catholic and i was supposed to believe in god and what christianity taught. then a few years ago i came to a realization. i have never seen god or felt the presence that people who seriously believe in him talk about. so i gave up. i cannot explain how hard this was because when i got married i thought i did believe in god and i know my wife does. she's not a bible thumper and she doesn't preach to me, but i know it hurts her that i don't share her faith. my father became born again around that same time and one day asked if still believed in jesus. i said no and he started crying. for a long time he would beg me to go to church everytime i talked to him. i almost stopped having any association with him because he wouldn't leave the subject alone. finally he talked to his pastor and my wife and they both said to drop the subject and don't hastle me or he'd push me away. he still brings it up once in a while, but it's a lot better now. i still think that maybe one day i'll hear that voice that is supposed to be jesus talking to me and find faith, but i i'll have to know for sure that's what it is. until then i live in doubt and guilt knowing that i cannot make myself believe in something i'm not sure about and knowing that i'm hurting the 2 most important people in my life everyday without even trying. and what bothers me and scares me the most is that if i am wrong and there really is a god what happens if i don't find him before i die? i'm screwed and there's nothing i can do about it. and the last couple years i've been having weird health problems and panic attacks thinking i was having a heart attack on numerous occasions. it sucks thinking you may be dying and not knowing if there's a god and wanting to believe that there is, but not being able to believe until you see him.
now back to the original question fo the post...this isn't because of lent, but i have recently decided to give up junk food and sodas and become more active in an attempt to lose wight. i've always been overweight, but i'm the biggest right now i've ever been. i went to my doctor last week and i've gained another 20 pounds since last year, so i've gotta get on the ball. plus i have an incentive. i'm going to parin in june and i want to be able to fit comfortably in a plane seat.
ude, are you talking to yourself?
