what the fuck to do with my life plz

[Krilons Resa]

People change over time, in small amounts, but enough over the years to grow apart significantly. Sometimes those are shared interests (kind of irrelevant), or core values (more of a big deal). Put in some legitimate time with her, away from your kid. Make yourself interested and excited in the things that interest her (unless it's some total bullshit like knitting, which while useful, is the most annoying and frustrating thing in life), and get her to do likewise for the things that interest you. Find completely new things to both enjoy together. There's so much in this world to see, experience, and enjoy, that quite frankly it's nonsense that neither of you can find some common ground or interests. You actually have the important part down, you love who she is and the qualities that make up the person she is.

After some legitimate effort if you find there's really nothing there, move on. If you come to that decision together there's no reason it can't be amiable, and it won't affect your kid negatively like people seem to think. Kids don't get fucked up because there isn't 100% presence of both parents. They get fucked up from the fallout of a horrible divorce and the negative post-divorce relationship between parents.

It will be amicable if we both decide to split ways. We've already had that discussion.

As for the first passage, seems idealistic for my certain situation. We are just two completely different people. I'll never be interested in what she is and vice versa. I don't even know wtf she is interested in besides watching stupid television shows, tbh. She doesn't have any hobbies whereas I have a million interests that I get completely lost in and absorb me...then she feels neglected. We can't even have a simple conversation without some sort of communication breakdown, lmao. Different fucking universes. Everything is amicable to a certain degree but there's is just nothing there. I don't know how to explain it. I feel uncomfortable even touching her.

Why the fuck am I talking about this shit on a Metal Forum?

 

[Tide In Mind Out]

That sounds awful and awkward. Just curious...what was there when you married her that's not there now?

 

[Krilons Resa]

That sounds awful and awkward. Just curious...what was there when you married her that's not there now?

The hell if I know. I fell in love with an idea, imo. I wanted a wholesome, good girl with a big heart and that's what she is. Then I met her family and they were amazing and extremely tight-knit, which also I fell in love with cuz it was something I never had. Her brother-in-law also became my best friend. The rest is history. I definitely rushed into it.

There were warning signs when we were dating like awkward silence at dinner, our first date when I asked her what she was into and she literally couldnt answer me, and me thinking she may not be what I'm looking for but, for some reason ignored it cuz I felt badly about it for some reason. I also vividly remember going out for our first anniversary and being anxious about it cuz I had no fucking idea what we would talk about together when it was just us face-to-face at the table.

It's not as bad as it sounds by these posts but it definitely isn't healthy or fulfilling either...for both of us; not just for me. I don;t think I would ever be able to provide her with what she needs and vice versa. It doesn;t make us bad people or either of us right/wrong. It is what it is.

 

[Ellestin]

First things first, come to Europe and lemme fix that melancholy of yours with adequate beverage and manly entertainment!

 

[Krilons Resa]

Sorry Bertrand. I still prefer women.

I appreciate your opportunistic scheme though.

 

[Johanna]

are you sure?

 

[Krilons Resa]

For the most part.

 

[Tide In Mind Out]

Well, I know what it is like to fall in love with an idea, and I definitely know what it's like to hang on for too long. I recommend not doing that. As far as your child goes, if you really think you're going to get divorced sooner or later, it's probably better to do it sooner than later. It's never easy on a child at any age, but at least he's still young enough that if you found someone that's really right for you within the next few years, there might be a better chance of him developing a good relationship with that person than if that happened when he's a teenager or young adult. What mommy would do is a whole other story, though.

 

[NAD]

Hey now my parents divorced early and I turned out just fine.

....


Never mind.

hahaha :Smokedev:

People change over time, in small amounts, but enough over the years to grow apart significantly. Sometimes those are shared interests (kind of irrelevant), or core values (more of a big deal). Put in some legitimate time with her, away from your kid. Make yourself interested and excited in the things that interest her (unless it's some total bullshit like knitting, which while useful, is the most annoying and frustrating thing in life), and get her to do likewise for the things that interest you. Find completely new things to both enjoy together. There's so much in this world to see, experience, and enjoy, that quite frankly it's nonsense that neither of you can find some common ground or interests. You actually have the important part down, you love who she is and the qualities that make up the person she is.

After some legitimate effort if you find there's really nothing there, move on. If you come to that decision together there's no reason it can't be amiable, and it won't affect your kid negatively like people seem to think. Kids don't get fucked up because there isn't 100% presence of both parents. They get fucked up from the fallout of a horrible divorce and the negative post-divorce relationship between parents.

I like this. I like this a lot, but... I might argue that shared interests are almost as important as core values. At least a few, or at the very minimal some crossover appeal. My wife isn't a headbanger, but she likes industrial music, artsy shit, and thrust-rock, so we meet with Ministry, Swans, and White Zombie. If she was into shitty pop-country I don't think I could handle that, and her tolerance for black metal would be nil were it not for her love of Skinny Puppy.

Then again, I tend to lump together my interests into the core values quite often. I'm an atheist, she's a ditheist. But... we both have very similar ideals regarding organized religion and tolerance of other people's made up beliefs (including our own). Again, if she were a devout Muslim, nopenopenope. I have a hard enough time getting her to eat Sunday Bacon as it is!

We are just two completely different people. I'll never be interested in what she is and vice versa. I don't even know wtf she is interested in besides watching stupid television shows, tbh. She doesn't have any hobbies whereas I have a million interests that I get completely lost in and absorb me...then she feels neglected. We can't even have a simple conversation without some sort of communication breakdown, lmao. Different fucking universes. Everything is amicable to a certain degree but there's is just nothing there. I don't know how to explain it. I feel uncomfortable even touching her.

Ugh.

I don't know what advice I could give, as I've only been married for two years, and my relationship with my husband was very non-traditional from the start. I will say, though, that when Derick and I broke up after almost 8 years, something happened with me, and my desire to ever have romance/courtship/passion/whatever again went away. I just didn't want to bother with it anymore; to hell with it. My husband's past relationships had also exhausted him emotionally. As friends, we talked a lot about what we'd been through, what we wanted in life, what our personal strengths and weaknesses are, and such. That led to us deciding that we might make a good team, and we do! Our decisions to become a couple and then to get married were both very logic-based. Zero romance from the start, but a very deep understanding of each other, and a lot of laughter. We still laugh at each other from morning to night, and I think the day we'll be in trouble is the day we stop laughing at each other. That's not to say that we don't have good sex or that there's no attraction, because we do and there is...but I think that our success as a couple has had something to do with that playing such a small role in our beginnings. So far so good. Now I feel all emotional. Damnit.

See? You built the romance, instead of expecting it from the beginning!

 

[dorian gray]

This is getting good

 

[dorian gray]

Why the fuck am I talking about this shit on a Metal Forum?

Hahahahahahahahahahahhaa

 

[Krilons Resa]

I'm exclusively here for your entertainment, dorian.

 

[swizzlenuts]

This is why I'm never having kids.

I have no interest in giving my opinion because there is no such thing as a relationship with a swizzle

 

[Krilons Resa]

This doesn;t really have anything to do with kids, exclusively. It sure does complicate the issue though.

 

[swizzlenuts]

Obviously it doesn't have everything to do with the kids; the complication of the situation is what I meant.

 

[Krilons Resa]

More than likely, you'll find yourself in the situation one day.

 

[swizzlenuts]

Do you really want another one of me around in this world? I don't think so

 

[Krilons Resa]

Touche!

 

[Krilons Resa]

I should just get absolutely annihilated before this "date" then tell my RC brethren the tales that ensued.

 

[J.]

people not wanting kids amuses me. not that i think everyone should pro-create, absolutely not. but that every reason not to is so naive sounding like "they slobber", "they're shit factories", "no sleep", "no alone time with signficant other", etc. it's always the stupid, easiest things that people use as excuses because a) they're afriad whether they believe it or not and know it or not b) they dont want anything intruding on they're piddly little lives because change is bad

or c) they cant find anyone to fuck

and the people that do have kids that say they wish they didnt are complete liars. sure they might have a nostalgic moment wishing they were playing beer pong and watching porn on the projector in a meaningless existence, but in the end, they wouldnt give up that kid for anything.