Why PETA should be shut down...

[Malergion]

If they answer a question incorrectly, then a fat guy wearing only black leather and mask comes out and cuts parts from cute animals like puppies and koalas..and the competition gets points based upon how loudly the victim screams.

 

[Captain Beard]

We'll have to record all of this from Sealand. Hey! A sponsor! "Brought to you by The Pirate Bay, Swedish anti-copyright vigilantes defending free and open information access since 2004!"

 

[Malergion]

In the event of a tie, there's a speed-skinning competition featuring various small mammals.

 

[Rebourne]

Haha!

Who thinks this will backfire and the kids will think it's cool?

 

[Captain Beard]

Bonus points awarded if they skin it with their teeth!

 

[Malergion]

How about we feature ostrich boxing?

"Well, Cliff, it appears that John's been disemboweled by the Avian Annihilator!...OOOOO...that hadta hurt!"

 

[Captain Beard]

Ostrich boxing? *rubs beard conditioned with the finest eagle's blood.*

Do explain.

 

[Malergion]

What's to explain...it's the ultimate one-sided competition!

 

[Captain Beard]

I guess we could offer the contestants some meat/flesh armor to protect them.

 

[Malergion]

...from the flesh eating carrion beetles released along a blood-slicked obstacle course!

 

[Captain Beard]

What the hell are we, Takeshi's Castle meets Hellraiser and American Gladiators?


... we can shoot pig heads at them from air cannons!

 

[Malergion]

We'll have to call that the "Oink Boink".

Once a year, we can have the "monkey-eating competition"
It's open to vegans only. The prize:
If one vegan can eat six baboons in succession, we'll cancel the show!

 

[Captain Beard]

And then revive it under a different name, of course. We should add a section where random vegans get force fed meatloaf by a guy in a Deadpool costume.

 

[Malergion]

Using a cool hose, naturally!

I think that we'd get good ratings if we had a segment called "There's More than One Way to Fuck a Yak!"

 

[Captain Beard]

Yak Bukkake, Masturbating the war god with the yak, etc. So many possibilities!

 

[Malergion]

How much Pink can you Drink?

 

[Chromatose]

 

[Captain Beard]

I love you, Derick. This should be our theme song!

 

[Chromatose]

I really like my vest.

 

[Captain Beard]

We can even hire a Burns look-a-like to do a dancing revue with props at the end of every show!

But what should we call it?