I'm allowed to talk about money if I'm not rich, right? Isn't that the rule of thumb?
That's the rule of thumb we selfless, altruistic, pure-hearted saints are supposed to follow, isn't it? That the rich should do - and sacrifice - as they're told, but we poor and middle class can talk about, request, demand, loot, or steal all the money all we want? And from whom are we stealing? Why, from the rich, of course.
If this is indeed the rule of thumb, let me take this opportunity to raise another finger: my middle one.
Let's set the record straight from the start. Corporate welfare should be flushed down the toilet. Welfare has no more place in the corporate world than it does in the lazy, alcoholic, 10-children-per-household, can't-keep-a-job-as-a-fucking-janitor world.
But now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's talk about the so-called tax breaks for the rich.
If anyone on the Left (which includes Republicans, these days) thinks that cutting a rich guy's taxes is somehow equivalent to giving him a pot of fucking gold at the end of the rainbow, they really need to start reconsidering their position on genetically altered foods. A tomato with a few celery genes would make a far better brain than the one they have presently.
Let's do some arithmetic. (Americans may have to skip a few paragraphs, based on the latest standardized test scores.) Let's imagine you made a cool million last year. Of course, to imagine that, you'd also have to imagine being smart, ambitious, confident, dedicated, and good at what you do. Or at least lucky enough to get on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. (And then smart enough to win it.)
So, let's imagine. You've made your million, and there's Uncle Sam (or Uncle Rodriguez, or whatever uncle happens to be running your country) sticking his goddamn pistol in your face. He's politely asking for half of what you've earned. That money which is yours. You bitch and moan, but you hand it over. It's either that or bending over for a little love from some 300 pound car thief in prison, right?
Great. You do it, then some unprincipled Republican comes along, who by chance happens to be right about a single issue, and says: "Let's reduce the tax rate for everyone in the highest income bracket from 50% to 25%."
You say, naturally:
"Aw, yeah. That's what I'm talking about, mother fucker. I fuckin' rule. I am God. I kick ass. I am awesome."
Unfortunately for you, you have Al Gore, George W. Bush, John F. Kennedy, and Jesus H. Christ on your fucking back saying "Not so fast, mother fucker."
"NO TAX BREAKS FOR THE RICH!"
Thou shalt do for your country? No tax breaks for the rich? Are these morons really that stupid?
No, the problem is that everyone else is. This situation basically amounts to a case of the emperor's new clothes injected with LSD and crack. For our non-American friends (I said friends, not you Chinese fucks aiming nuclear warheads at my head), let me elucidate.
The story of the emperor's new clothes can be summarized thusly. (Thusly is such a pompous word, I can't resist it.) An emperor decides to walk around town naked, showing off, as he believes, his "new clothes". The townspeople, gutless bastards that they are, simply pretend that he is in fact wearing clothes. That is, until one little girl innocently points out that he's naked. (I wonder if the girl grows up to be a rapist, as the feminists would say? Pornography with actors dressed like emperors causes rape, doesn't it?)
Anyway, the average Joe doesn't usually speak up when someone objects to tax cuts for the rich. Is this just a case of the emperor's new clothes? Not quite. Remember, this metaphor has been injected with LSD and crack. (How can a metaphor be injected with drugs? I don't know, ask Bob Dylan.)
The truth is that the rest of us (i.e., the "royal us") (i.e., you) don't mind playing the game. People don't mind pretending that a tax cut for the rich is some kind of government handout. After all, why speak up? If we don't speak up, that's more cash in our pockets, right? If some liberal politician says you deserve the rich guy's money, who are you to speak up?
ALTRUISTIC BASTARDS BE DAMNED!
That rich man or woman - who's probably making a lot of other people rich, too - earned the money. It's theirs. And fuck you if you're going to tell them they can't have it.
Let's look at you. (Not the millionaire you of above, but the real you.) What if a bunch of poor bastards got together and called you "the rich"? And that you don't deserve as much of your money because you have "enough"?
You do have enough, don't you?
First of all, let's be honest. There's no such thing as enough money. Second of all, whether you have "enough" or not is up to nobody but you. If you want to give up half of your salary away to some welfare addict, that's your prerogative. (Personally, I'd spend at least some of mine on something completely unnecessary, like a car that goes zero to sixty in under five seconds and burns so much goddamn fuel it makes Al Gore lose a big green load in his pants faster than you can say "timber".)
Just because a bunch of us got together and said the rich can "afford" to do without more money, that doesn't make it right. It's not any more right than a bunch of people less productive than you saying you don't have the right to your money. 10,000 Frenchmen saying it doesn't make it right. (Speaking statistically, I bet that the more Frenchmen there are saying it, the less likely it is to be right.)
All of us non-rich need to stand up for the rights of the rich. And we need to start doing it now.
No, not just because we might get lucky and get rich ourselves. But because every man and every woman has the right to their property.
If you don't believe everyone has an unalienable right to his property, at least admit the following. Admit that it's ok with you if the rest of us decide what to do with your property. And if you lose your cigarette money, your beer money, your bible money, or your house: tough shit. You asked for it.
"It must be remembered, that the rich are people as well as the poor; that they have rights as well as others; that they have as clear and as sacred a right to their large property as others have to theirs which is smaller; that oppression to them is as possible and as wicked as to others."
- John Adams*
Ok, so Mr. Adams said it a bit better, and in fewer words. And with fewer swear words. (Though I bet "rich" was still considered vulgar back then.) But the point remains true.
The right to property is the right property.
If you earn it, it's yours.
Case closed.
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