Big girls dont get crushes on rock stars....or do they?
She woke up -badly hungover and hurting everywhere- and she was thirty-seven, morbidly obese, still living with her mother, and had just lost her job as a cleaner.
The gifted schoolgirl with hopes for a bright future was long gone; instead, there was a grotesquely bloated wreck.
Things had indeed changed; only, they had changed for the worse.
For while she had been struggling to regain some of what she used to have in those old glory days, she tripped and fell and got carried away. She began to dream.
To say that the dream had led her stray would be an understatement, and she knew it. But weakened as she was, she decided to dream on -because that twisted dream was all she had anyway!
So she took his picture out from under her pillow, ran her fingers over it and kissed it tenderly. Yes. That was the way to go. She felt a little warm again.
All the while that precious being she cherished so much, not even aware of her existence, was celebrating his own victory yet again, drinking himself into a stupor at an after-show party, violently flirting with a young and beautiful fan.
She felt so privileged for having experienced intense feelings of love to someone that beautiful. Although it wasnt even mutual and yes, the complete lack of physical contact and even communication hurt like hell to say the very least -the emotions were nothing short of sacred to her. I need him I need him I need him until the obsession had destroyed the woman.
And to think that it had all started out so good.
I will attend night classes and eventually look for a better job.
I will take up exercizing to become leaner and stronger.
I will move out!
Im back for good.
Also, I will need some good, powerful music to give me a right kick in the ass.
And so she walked out of the record store with what would later significantly change her life.
First the broken woman was amazed by what she heard. Those awesome tunes were just what she needed, they gave her strength.
However,magazines and messageboards and lots of photos later, slowly but surely, she sensed something else coming along. Something she hadnt experienced in a long time -such a long time in fact, that she didnt even believe in it anymore. Something strangely comforting and pleasing....something warming and wickedly exciting.
She couldnt believe it. That part of her suddenly coming back to life?
Oh, come on, dont be silly, she laughed to herself. Big girls dont get crushes on rock stars!
It all seemed so absurd.
Yet with each new thing she learned about the musician, the stronger the sensation grew, until she couldnt deny it anymore.
I am in love. And it feels great.
And so it smoothly took her over...
HereI am, I am volptuous, I am shining, I am flying, and I drain the cup of life!
To Hell with all the good intentions -I will only carpe diem!
Partying hard and dreaming her days away, she felt more beautiful than ever. Drinking and smoking sometimes nearly as much as her new hero did, she felt more alive than ever.
At one point her love grew so strong that it was almost as if she had him next to her.
Almost.
And that was the zenith. The high peak of the dream...of the obsession.
by Sonja Reckinger 2005
She woke up -badly hungover and hurting everywhere- and she was thirty-seven, morbidly obese, still living with her mother, and had just lost her job as a cleaner.
The gifted schoolgirl with hopes for a bright future was long gone; instead, there was a grotesquely bloated wreck.
Things had indeed changed; only, they had changed for the worse.
For while she had been struggling to regain some of what she used to have in those old glory days, she tripped and fell and got carried away. She began to dream.
To say that the dream had led her stray would be an understatement, and she knew it. But weakened as she was, she decided to dream on -because that twisted dream was all she had anyway!
So she took his picture out from under her pillow, ran her fingers over it and kissed it tenderly. Yes. That was the way to go. She felt a little warm again.
All the while that precious being she cherished so much, not even aware of her existence, was celebrating his own victory yet again, drinking himself into a stupor at an after-show party, violently flirting with a young and beautiful fan.
She felt so privileged for having experienced intense feelings of love to someone that beautiful. Although it wasnt even mutual and yes, the complete lack of physical contact and even communication hurt like hell to say the very least -the emotions were nothing short of sacred to her. I need him I need him I need him until the obsession had destroyed the woman.
And to think that it had all started out so good.
I will attend night classes and eventually look for a better job.
I will take up exercizing to become leaner and stronger.
I will move out!
Im back for good.
Also, I will need some good, powerful music to give me a right kick in the ass.
And so she walked out of the record store with what would later significantly change her life.
First the broken woman was amazed by what she heard. Those awesome tunes were just what she needed, they gave her strength.
However,magazines and messageboards and lots of photos later, slowly but surely, she sensed something else coming along. Something she hadnt experienced in a long time -such a long time in fact, that she didnt even believe in it anymore. Something strangely comforting and pleasing....something warming and wickedly exciting.
She couldnt believe it. That part of her suddenly coming back to life?
Oh, come on, dont be silly, she laughed to herself. Big girls dont get crushes on rock stars!
It all seemed so absurd.
Yet with each new thing she learned about the musician, the stronger the sensation grew, until she couldnt deny it anymore.
I am in love. And it feels great.
And so it smoothly took her over...
HereI am, I am volptuous, I am shining, I am flying, and I drain the cup of life!
To Hell with all the good intentions -I will only carpe diem!
Partying hard and dreaming her days away, she felt more beautiful than ever. Drinking and smoking sometimes nearly as much as her new hero did, she felt more alive than ever.
At one point her love grew so strong that it was almost as if she had him next to her.
Almost.
And that was the zenith. The high peak of the dream...of the obsession.
by Sonja Reckinger 2005
