after reading the first page of this thread, i just went to the last page to respond. no one should ever judge a person who is suicidal, or who has commited suicide, they have not been there! i feel deepley sad for what you have went through, i have been there. my dad commited suicide this last january... and i found him. and a week later my mom attempted suicide, and lived... she had attempted several times in her life. i feel just as you do. you just have to hold on and talk to those who give a damn. A lot of hartless people like to judge, put down, and laugh at what you say... it is sick. They do not understand what mental illness is! I don't understand how someone can be a fan of COB and Alexi especially, and say a person who commits suicide is a coward, and is taking the "easy" way out! They do not know, nor do they care. I usto say the same things that they are saying, but now I am different, now that I have lived it, and I know how serious it really is. You need to remember that she was very sick. My dad was very sick, he also stopped taking his meds when he died. i want to tell you that I am very sad too, and I am always thinking about my dad... but to take my own life would not be the answer. Life is hard, and some have it harder than others, but you can make it... and you are not alone, people like us do exsist, and live every day. Life does go on, and it sometimes seems impossible, but it does, and things will get easier. but the pain in our hearts is something we will have to live with every day.
When my dad took his life, i came on to this site to somehow vent my pain, and wanted someone to understand or to reach out to me... but i think it was more harm than good. you need to talk to people who care. Ignore the people who don't, because they don't know you, nor did they know her, or my dad.
So, sorry I wrote so much... but i do feel your pain. I feel it every day. But I have to live, move on, and make a new life for myself, as should you. Oh yeah, don't focus on the negative all the time, and try not to think of when she killed herself all the time, force yourself to remember her the way she was, all of the good times you shared. That also helps... I know I can't write everything of how I feel here, its too hard, but I do understand, and you are not alone in this world.
-jayme
really sorry for your loss man....
