Firen
nothing wild
- May 15, 2005
- 155
- 8
- 18
From Kimberly Goss, she’s been uploading a lot of pictures with stories
Fuck
From Kimberly Goss, she’s been uploading a lot of pictures with stories
Does anyone saw anything from Roope and Kouppala on the obituary of Alexi?
The night before the news I took down all my COB posters because I'm moving to a new apartment. It felt so unrealistic, like it was some dream, when I kept looking at the blank white walls yesterday. No more Alexi. Like he had never been there. It was a weird coincidence.
This dude has been in my everyday life so much. I listen to his interviews every day, listen to his music every day. People say I sound like him when I talk.
I would fuckin blast Hatebreeder when walking to school when I was 11. I had a thrifted long leather jacket, too big boots and in the winter the sun doesn't rise until like 10 so I would walk in the darkness. The music felt so angry and scary and it made me feel strong.
I have never felt so instantly hooked like I was when I first heard them. I just remember that as a kid I was always angry as fuck for being treated like shit at school but also I was kinda raised so that you can't show negative emotions. I had never heard anything so fuckin aggressive. It made me feel unbelievably strong.
I never had many friends, I was kind of an outcast, scared of trying things and talking to people. COB helped me believe in myself. Job interview in 10 minutes? Lets listen to Bodom Beach Terror and get over it.
When I was 18 I planned to end my life, it was a weird feeling I never got before. I didn't want to but I felt like I have to, it was scary as hell. For some reason COB playing In The Shadows live was something I always wanted to see and they announced that they would do that. Waiting for that show kind of forced me to get through the worst of it and that night finally I just had so much fucking fun, it was pretty much an obsession with the shows from then on.
I was listening to Halo Of Blood when I got my drivers license and since then, COB has taken me to many roadtrips acriss the country.
If I ever was scared or depressed, Alexi,'s interviews and music would cheer me up. So many friends I met through the love for him. I will miss those concert trips like crazy.
So many great things flash in my mind. I can' t believe this, I want to put the posters back up, throw my phone out the window, clise the curtains and pretend it's still 2009. I have never lost a close loved one. This feels like a death in the family to me. And I would manage this far better if it was just a deep grief, but I don't feel anything for a while and then I look at something or hear something and just remember and my stomach drops and I get tears in my eyes.
Yesterday was just hard to breathe.
Can't this just be a dream we coukd wake up from