an Ode to my Tofutti

[mReEtTaIlRsEkD]

Oberto Jerky
3.50 at Winco
Sodium Nitrite Death
OH BOY!

<3

 

[LORD_RED_DRAGON]

I FOUND THIS THREAD THAT LUNAR STILL WAS LOOKING FOR A MIN AGO

 

[Lord Foul]

Now you've moved the thread!
He's looking in the wrong place
and will not find it

 

[Reminiscence]

It is no big deal
Who the fuck gives a shitfuck
Fucking cock-gnomeshit

 

[Draw On The Walls]

a trace ofblood said
gnomeshit and that is awesome
all bow to gnomeshit

 

[Draw On The Walls]

tempest likes to poop
at work, only on the clock
you capitalist

 

[Lunar Still]

Here is my entire collection of what I refer to on AllPoetry.com as my "Tastelessly Offensive Haikus." Enjoy!



Fuck your fat mother
Fuck her in her doughy ass
Kill her with a brick



Eating dead babies
Fry 'em up with onion rings
Like me some baby



Kick the puppy hard
Smash its head with a golf club
Killing animals



Broke into soup kitchen
Put acid in place of broth
Melted some hoboes



Stupid old fuckers
Burned the retirement home
Smell burning feces



Pulled down my zipper
And pissed in an ice cube tray
Drink urine water



Time to cook some Jews
And serve them to the Mormons
One holy cookout



Now you all hate me
For the stupid shit I write
So go fuck yourselves


--------------------------------------------


You are fucking bald
No fucking hair on your head
Bald, you're fucking bald



Nixon was a douche
I ran over Checkers bitch
I ate your damn dog




I'll bet anything
Tom Brokaw has a mailbox
Tom Brokaw's mailbox



I loved you so much
But you rejected me, so
I shat in your bed



Satan came to me
He said he'd send me to hell
Kicked him in the balls



Why is it so wrong
To go to an old lady
And beat her with bricks?



Set forest fire
Squirrels burned alive, I laughed
Then I burned your kid



Why can't I just find
Someone kind, who will let me
Pee all over her?



The only thing that's
Funnier than killing cows
Is fucking them raw



Haikus are so gay
And anyone who writes them
Takes cock in the ass


----------------------------------


Behold my pecker
My glorious schlong, arise!
Now I can rape cats



If only I had
Not bought that pair of pliers
You'd still have nipples



I found a stray dog
Took him in, got fireworks
Launched his ass to space



You have a baby
Said he's cute, but he's not, so
Pissed in your stroller



Public intercourse
Is really really really
really funny bitch



When I think about
You, I do not touch myself
I touch some old nuns



Dude in bondage pants
Strapped anvils to his britches
Threw him in river



Samantha Cotton
Sucks ass at writing poems
Even worse than me



Only way I could
Earn a deeper spot in hell
Is to shit on God


------------------------------------


Drank from the crapper
Licked the nasty toilet seat
My lips grow herpes



Fucked in the pool
Pressure built up inside her
Her womb blew up



Your grandmother stripped
I saw her raisin titties
Now I have to puke



Got to clean my gun
Whoops, one left in the chamber
Shot in the nutsack



I got a tattoo
Racecar right on my asscheek
Speeding toward my balls



Allergic to hair
So I shot your goddamn cat
Now its in my fridge



Dumb kid kept crying
Whacked him with a fire ax
Now I can study



Went to church drunk
Peed in the baptismal font
"I demand more wine!"



She gave me oral sex
I blew my load in her nose
Now she sneezes jizz



Zakk Wylde's BLS:
Pointless guitar wankery
From a fake biker



That's all for right now
We had fun writing these things
Now all of you die

 

[WhiteBeastofWotan]

HAHAHAHA
"You are fucking bald
No fucking hair on your head
Bald, you're fucking bald"


hahaha

Man i got a kick out of that actually. Cheers.

 

[Lunar Still]

Yeah, I think I was listening to too much Anal Cunt when I wrote some of these.

 

[El Stormo]

Awesome, Lunar Still. Just, awesome. No other words for it!

 

[Chromatose]

The following errors occurred when this message was submitted:
ct_thrash has exceeded their stored private messages quota and can not accept further messages until they clear some space.

 

[Tide In Mind Out]

just noticed and fissed it

 

[LORD_RED_DRAGON]

The following errors occurred when this message was submitted:
ct_thrash has exceeded their stored private messages quota and can not accept further messages until they clear some space.

 

[Lunar Still]

LRD always
Replies with stupid smilies
What a damn postwhore

 

[LORD_RED_DRAGON]

LRD always
Replies with stupid smilies
What a damn postwhore

SMILIES/POSTWHORING = BAD?

 

[Lunar Still]

idk, it just seemed excellent material for a haiku

 

[LORD_RED_DRAGON]

idk, it just seemed excellent material for a haiku

KAY

 

[Kvlt Wench]

SMILIES/POSTWHORING = BAD?

YES NOW GO AWAY.

 

[Chromatose]

celebratory post!

 

[Tide In Mind Out]

yay poopy!