Another fucking story thread!

[maiden1]

...OK I said, but I haven't got long as I have to meet my friend Ray outside the shop......why the shop? MIMA asked....Well as you can see MIMA I don't have any boots on, I need a pair of boots I'm hoping the shop sell boots and have my size and I'm meeting Ray there as Ray has my money.

Well Andrew good luck, but I can't see you finding wot you wont, I do have some boots that might fit you and would cost you nothing MIMA said, would you like to try them on?....Thanks MIMA that will be a big help but I must give you something for them....I still have to meet Ray at the shop though....

"so we go into the Morgue"
MIMA said this is the body of the young girl that was brought in last night....As MIMA started to pull the sheet away from the young girl I had a sickening feeling in my stomach like I was going to be sickuke:..just like when I was at the Hospital.

MIMA pulls the sheet away......FARRRRRRKINELL...

 

[TheShadowOverInnsmouth]

While loitering outside the shop, I am approched by an old man covered in Rags. He reeks of death and cadaver, "take this boy..." from under his garb he hands me an ancient tome which appears to be bound in tanned human flesh! Arabic characters are burned onto the front cover but all I can make out are the words Al Azif which loosely translates to howls of the night. "what is the meaning of this you mad old Arab???" I exclaim. "Please just call me Alhazred" he interjected. "what do I want with this grubby tome??? I have no use for it." i argued. "This book is far more powerful than it appears. Take it and say nothing boy " he whispered, and before I could say anything else he vanished into the shadows. coincidentally my great uncle John Dee had tought me a decent amount of arabic as a child and i could read most of what was written in the musty old tomb. What I read shocked and horrified me to such a point that I cannot explain the abominations it depicted. Still a bit shaken up I entered the shop and purchased a pair of boots for my mate Adrian. I also purchased two small, easily concealable micro sub machine guns and several throwing knives; as I began to feel more and more paranoid posessing such a powerful Tome filled with unspeakable horrors. I stuffed my supplies into my pack and hurried outside the shop to wait for Adrian

 

[maiden1]

...FARKINELL PEOPLES....ITS MANDY MUCFUKUUP THE SEXY LITTLE "BITCH" TWIN OF RANDY MUCFUKUUPP THE TWO GIRLS WHO LIKE TO CHANGE... F*CKING SIGNS AROUND.

But, MIMA doesn't know this yet, I take a deep breath and sigh of relief as she is DEAD now, "WOOHOO" to myself, MIMA asked, do you know this girl?...nnnnnnnooo, I might of seen her in THE VILLAGE but that's about it. why do you ask? MIMA said, no reason.

MIMA knew of the twins, as they are part of the clan family, MIMA said to me, Andrew give me one of your nuts to rub....sure MIMA........NO ONE OF THE ONE's THE GOBLIN GAVE YOU SILLY..........Oh sorry MIMA just kidding, just then I realised wot MIMA was up to....PEOPLES MIMA IS GOING TO TRY AND BRING MANDY MUCFUKUUP BACK TO LIFE....if she dose that MANDY will recognize me and tell MIMA that It was I who killed her.

NOT FARKIN LIKELY..... WELL THATS WOT I WANTED TO SAY, But if I did MIMA would suspect something.... IT'S NOT LOOKING GOOD FOR ME PEOPLES....

 

[TheShadowOverInnsmouth]

after reading the ancient tome more I realized it contained rituals and incantations for bringing the dead back as mindless, souless (hint hint nudge nudge adrian) ::cough::MANDY::cough:: I continued to wait for Adrian to arrive at the shoppe

 

[maiden1]

...I give one of my nuts to MIMA....And I tell her I must go As I'm meeting Ray at the shop.......But I gave you some Boots, are they not good enough for Andrew?.........Yes MIMA they are a brilliant fit thank you.....But I must go now Kiss Kiss HUG thank you for everything MIMA.

THANK F*CK I DIDN'T TELL MIMA MY REAL NAME.....For sure she would of told the CLANSMAN as it tizzz family....

As I walk out the door I see the CLANSMAN walking back, so I run towards the cross roads and who the F*CK do you think I meet there PEOPLES...............

 

[TheShadowOverInnsmouth]

NUDGE NUDGE

 

[maiden1]

....YES PEOPLES THE MUDDER F*CKIN, NOW HOMELESS, PISS DRINKIN GOBLIN...........You little f*ck.....I throw him the old sack and tell him...RUB YOUR OWN FUCKING NUTS YOU F*CKIN LITTLE TWAT and I piss on him again, and NOW I'm on the right road to the shop.....

 

[maiden1]

...I get to the shop and there is an old lady working behind the counter I ask her a question?? and not a hard one at that..PEOPLES.., as she is old looking.......I ask, have you seen my friend?...his name is RAY, THATS WOT WE CALL HIM....Y? she asks...BECAUSE THATS HIS NAME AND I WAS TO MEET RAY AT THE SHOP. I had to shout PEOPLES as she was.. F*CKIN DEAF...DEAF AS AN OLD POST......

No can't say I have, but if I see Brian I will be sure to tell him you had been asking of him and where will you be heading kind sir? just in case FUUUUUUUUUUCK, HIS NAME IS "R A Y".......OK, OK you don't have to shout I'm not Deaf, I just choose to be some times, sometimes I don't even hear myself get up in the mornings.

Well My name is!!!...."ME THINKS TO MYSELF FOR A MINUTE, ERR"...RODDERRICK, BUT YOU CAN CALL ME RODERS FOR SHORT. OK but you don't have to shout Roders, That's a nice name.....mmmm OK sorry old lady.

....PEOPLES..I had to use a different name as MIMA knows me as Andrew and DEADLY well I will have to make a special trip back to DEADLYS house to find that out.....YES, YES...or i could read back to find out... BUT WHERE'S THE F*CKING ADVENTCHURE IN THAT..PEOPLES.?...I ASK YOU....FARKINELL...

I tell the old lady...I THINK I WILL BE HEDDING TO THE SCHOOL NEXT...BEFORE I GO WOTS YOUR NAME OLD LADY....They call me GRANNY.....GRANNY SMITH....and she slaps me across the face, Now that young man is for shouting, no need I'M NOT F*CKING DEAF YA LITTLE PRICK.

I run out of the shop........

 

[TheShadowOverInnsmouth]

I arrive at the shop. I go up to the old bat at the counter " ey! wench. I'm looking for my chum, Roders." I shouted at her. she slaps me across the face. "owww...you crazy old bag!" i exclaim. " get out of ere', yer friend went to the school. No leave you dirty little slag." "sod off" I replied I shoot her the bird and walk out.
I walk the path to the school To meet roders. I get the feeling that I'm being watched. I continue to walk on, now more aware of my surrounds. I feel as if someone is approching me from behind, I turn around swiftly and draw my knife. I spin around to see a gyspy. " AAAH!, what the hell is wrong with you you, sneaking up on me???" her eyes are the deepest blue I had ever seen, her skin a pale olive color and her hair, tresses of the darkest black. A truly stunningly, beautiful woman. "YOU are the devil's child" she says softly. Now I'm not the holiest of men but I am certainly by no means evil, or a devil worshiper. "devil's child?" I exclaim, "I don't believe in all of that God and Satan nonsense."
"take this" She puts a neclace with a strange medallion on it around my neck. "you will need this in the future, it will give you strength." "what the hell is up with all of these people showing up out of nowhere and giving me random sh*t??? I have half a mind to..." She cuts me off and kisses me passionately and then runs off into the forest. "what the bloddy F*CK?!?!" I tasted a strange residue on my lips, and i begin to feel weak. The crazy jezebel...MUST HAVE POISONED ME!!! With all of my strength I stagger on, trudging toward the school. Growing weaker and weaker. I finally reach the school steps and then collapse.

 

[maiden1]

...As I'm running down the road I see A figure running towards me who could it be? Is that Ray? No, it can't be why would he be running back to the shop, he's supposed to be at the school.

I get off the road and hide behind a small bush...PEOPLES..I can hear the foot steps, they are getting closer, I jump out from behind the bush and shout out HAY, WHO THE F*CK ARE YOU? this Beautiful young lady with the blackest long shiny hair said YOU F*CKING IDEOT WOT THE F*CK DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING ARE YOU TRYING TO GIVE ME A F*CKING HEATATTACK?......Hay I'm sorry, but I thought you were me mate Ray, maybe you have seen him?

Wot does you mate look like she asks?...Well as its HELLOWEEN Ray came to THE VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED as a player/pimp dressed in black but because its HELLOWEEN he has a blue face.....wot like a smurf she said.........hay, that's my mate no need to disrespect the unaccounted........sorry but it is HELLOWEEN and I think he ran to the school I think.

Now why the f*ck would Ray be running to the school....I don't know.....I wasn't asking you I was thinking out loud but thanks anyway.......may I ask wot your name is?.....People call me Rodders, wots your name? You my call me JASMINE.....OK JASMINE it was nice to meet you Buuuuuuuut I must go, I have to meet my mate Ray.

Before you go I must tell you this Rodders......WOT JASMINE.....watch out for the GOBLINS......But I have seen one already....JASMINE asked me, did you know that the GOBLIN can give life.....I said, I know, with a smug look on my face:Smug: you just grab his nuts and give them a good old rubbing, place it or them next to a dead body and with-in 24hours they are granted a new life......yes JASMINE said......But I have to ask JASMINE, you mentioned that they take life as well, But how.....Well you see Rodders the GOBLIN might be small Buuuuuut they have such HUGE C**KS I just had to get my mouth around one of them.......BUT JASMINE?.....But rodders when the GOBLIN came in my mouth he told me the next person I kiss and it must be a passionate kiss he OR she will die with-in a few hours.......yes JASMINE.....Well RODDERS I think I might of kissed your mate RAY.

FARKINELL THATS JUST TYPICALL OF RAY CAN'T KEEP HIS F*CKING HANDS TO HIMSELF. WOT TO DO, WOT TO DO.....JASMINE said, you must find the GOBLIN and grab his nuts, thats the only thing that will save your friend Ray.

So now I must head back to the cross roads, that is the last time I saw the little BASTARD..So I start to run.........

 

[maiden1]

....JASMINE started to scream, Rodders, Rodders RODDERS WAIT, STTTTTTOP.....I stop running.........WOT JASMINE, WOT NOW...You must go to Ray first I gave Ray a necklace with two small medallions on it, I told Ray it was to give him STRENGTH.......And does it? And wot are the two medallions I ask?........NO Rodders it helps Ray in no Way, Shape, or Form and the two medallions, well they are in the shape of two Nuts.

Ya see Rodders when the girl kisses the boy, the girl gives the boy a necklace and with-in 2 hours of the boy putting the necklace on the boy dies and the Nuts glow a bright green color and that's how the GOBLIN finds you, but only the GOBLIN can see the bright green glow of light, so you wont know if Rays dead until you get to him so hurry.

May I ask JASMINE, why two Nuts?.....Ya see Rodders when the young men pass away the GOBLIN come along takes back the necklace then CHOP YOUR F*CKING NUTS OFF....sorry Rodders for my short outbursts...But now do you see Rodders, you see wot you get when you f*ck with the little guy. The GOBLIN small as he is will rip your F*CKING NUTS OFF.....RODDERS, THATS WHERE LIFE BEGINS, IN YOUR NUTS, YOU GIVE LIFE FORM YOUR NUTS.....But JASMINE is it not he the GOBLIN who is taking the life in the first place.........Rodders we can talk about your Nuts another time.......you must go now and save your friend RAY and his nuts.

..............OH, NOW I GET IT..........DER.

YES, yes your right JASMINE Ray would be lost without his nuts.......so I head off in the direction of the school.....

 

[FenriR]

...only to be abducted by zombie ninjas and taken to a secret zombie ninja temple high in the Himalayas, where...

(zombie neeenja ftw!)

 

[maiden1]

....ZOMBIE NINJAS IN "THE VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED" NO F*CKING WAY........:zombie:what's wrong with that?.......well just have a good look at yourself then tell me your f*cking Ninjas.............:zombie::Smokin: :Shedevil:

And you call this the Himalayas..its nothing but an old school pantomime.......isn't this?.....look its baby Jesus, I'm in the school gym, you YOUR THE DAMNED CHILDREN....:zombie:So now you know.... :zombie:your not going to tell are parents are you?.....NO, but I should....:zombie:let us help you, you were mumbling something about a friend you called him WAY.

NO you little f*ck, his name is RAY, it might of sounded like WAY that's because you F*CKING GAGED ME YA LITTLE F*CKERS....Yes, we are sorry about that to, we didn't know who you were, we've never seen you before, we've just come back from the big party at the Hospital, everyone has gone home now.

ENOUGH OF YOUR BULLSHIT JUST HELP ME FIND MY FRIEND BEFORE THE GOBLINS DO.......

 

[maiden1]

...:zombie:Rrrr, the GOBLIN you say....YES THE BLOODY GOBLIN...YOU KNOW THE SHORT LITTLE UGLY F*CKERS.....:Shedevil:so your friend Ray has been given the kiss of death...."the only girl child said"......That's wot the GYSPY lady said to me and she also mentioned giving him a necklace with two nuts on it....one of the Children looked out the window and said.....:Smokin:is that him? :Smokin:is that your friend RAY a third child screamed?....I ran to the window I look down towards the front of the school and yes PEOPLES.. It was Ray lying at the front steps not moving.....We must hurry I can see the GOBLIN he's walking towards your friend Ray....The fourth child said.

Lets move out peoples if we're going to save my mate Ray...IT didn't take us long to reach the front steps and take that necklace off from around Rays neck....We move Ray into the school and I take Rays place, I put the necklace on and I take the same position as ray had and I wait for the GOBLIN so I could RING HIS F*CKING LITTLE NECK.....

The GOBLIN stands over me with his razor sharp blade and........

 

[maiden1]

...Swings it past my nuts and counts to 1, the GOBLIN swings the blade past my nuts for the second time and counts 2, PEOPLES there was no way this GOBLIN was going to count to 3, so I grab his arm, wrestled him to the ground, put my foot on his chest, took the knife off of him grabbed one of his legs, with his knife AND only his knife with one swing I swipe the GOBLINS nuts off:zombie:, thus taking his life and restoring Rays life back.

:Shedevil: Kind sir, Now you must bury the GOBLINS NUTS, one at each end of the Dark Woods when this is done his chain will turn into a nut granting you one life, but the GOBLINS NUTS must be buried in the right place, you will see a sign at each end of the Woods that should help you.

What's your name girly? you seemed to be in charge of this rat pack....:Shedevil: TOM.....Sorry wot did you say?...:Shedevil:they call me TOM......But why TOM?....:Shedevil: they say I'm one of the boys, my mum she says I'm nothing but a bloody TOMBOY, so now everyone in "THE VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED" knows me as TOM.......OK TOM, you can call me RODDERS.

TOM can you tell RAY when he wakes up I will meet him at the.....

 

[TheShadowOverInnsmouth]

I awake to find the medallion on the necklace had morphed into a pair of yarbles! uke: uke: I tear off the necklace. " what the hell? that crazy freaking gypsy, I'm gonna strangle her!" was this some sort of sick prank? it was then that I noticed there was a castrated goblin lying next to me " I don't even want to know what happened right there" I struggled to get on my feet. I check my pack to make sure nothing had been stolen. Luckily both of my guns were still there and all the alcohol i had looted from the KLANSMAN's pub was still in there. I open a bottle of jameson I had lifted from there and took a swig or two to get my energy back. " EY MISTA YA SHOULDN BE BOOZIN' NEAR A SCHOOL!" a young girl shouted "and who are you my freakin mother?" i yelled back at her. She then proceeded to kick me in the shins. "oww.." "sorry sorry..." i put the bottle back in my pack. "I'm looking for my pal, I think you would know him as Roders around here" "yes" the girl replied "He went to the..."

 

[maiden1]

...Swings it past my nuts and counts to 1, the GOBLIN swings the blade past my nuts for the second time and counts 2, PEOPLES there was no way this GOBLIN was going to count to 3, so I grab his arm, wrestled him to the ground, put my foot on his chest, took the knife off of him grabbed one of his legs, with his knife AND only his knife with one swing I swipe the GOBLINS nuts off:zombie:, thus taking his life and restoring Rays life back.

:Shedevil: Kind sir, Now you must bury the GOBLINS NUTS, one at each end of the Dark Woods when this is done his chain will turn into a nut granting you one life, but the GOBLINS NUTS must be buried in the right place, you will see a sign at each end of the Woods that should help you.

What's your name girly? you seemed to be in charge of this rat pack....:Shedevil: TOM.....Sorry wot did you say?...:Shedevil:they call me TOM......But why TOM?....:Shedevil: they say I'm one of the boys, my mum she says I'm nothing but a bloody TOMBOY, so now everyone in "THE VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED" knows me as TOM.......OK TOM, you can call me RODDERS.

TOM can you tell RAY when he wakes up I will meet him at the.....

...Tavern for a drink....Tom....:Shedevil: yes Rodders....can you tell Ray its my shout as I know he's short this week....:Shedevil:will do Rodders, you better hurry you don't have much time left......wot do you mean Tom, haven't got much time left?.......:Shedevil:well you see Rodders, If you don't have the GOBLINS NUTS dead and berried with-in 6hours 6minutes and 6seconds the demon inside the GOBLIN is re-born...:Shedevil:so you better shift your F*CKIN arse, quick F*CKING smart Rodders.

Just give Ray the message...So I start running towards the black Forrest

:Shedevil:NO PLEASE NO THANK/U NOT EVEN A KISS MY ARSE, :Shedevil:Hay kids I have a plan:zombie::Smokin:SO what's the plan TOM????

 

[TheShadowOverInnsmouth]

"...tavern" said Tom. "drinks are on 'im tonight he says" she continued. but before she could finish I was racing down the path toward the tavern "free booze!" I shouted. I'm sure no one in the village appreciated my running through their village knocking stuff over and yelling about free drinks. I ran quickly into the tavern. I took a seat next to Rodders at the bar. "hey mate! I've been lookin all over for ya!"

 

[maiden1]

....Hay Ray how the f*ck are ya? you look OK considering the shit you just went through.....Barman..Drinks and two shots of Wild Turkey....you better make them doubles as we've got a lot of catching up to do.

Ray said f*cking brilliant they didn't even touch the sides.....BARMAN, SAME AGAINAND KEEP THEM COMING.

Ray said, I need to go to the shitter as he see the CLANSMAN walk through the door after Walking the Black Forrest looking for Ray....Ray did chop off RANDYS ear....remember PEOPLES, RANDYS the CLANSMANS sister...NOW that's not a good sign for Ray and one sign RANDY and MANDY wont be changing PEOPLES....

I over hear the CLANSMAN talking to the Barman, telling him RANDYS going to be OK, but he can't find MANDY....As we know PEOPLES MANDYS at the Morgue dead by my hands, but soon to be alive as MIMA has a GOBLIN NUT that can grant you a new life which she got from me.

The Barman comes over...I ask him for another round....The Barman said...but you haven't payed for your last few drinks.....OK OK I will get your money....you just keep pouring. My friend Ray has my money, I gave it to him at the Hospital to hold for me Its all good.....So where is you mate Ray now? said the Barman.....He's just gone to the shitter, I'll go and get him and my money, so start pouring.

I walk into the toilet and ask Ray for my money..Ray said......but I don't have your money Rodders I spent it at the DAMNED HOSPITAL at the HELLOWEEN PARTY the drinks there weren't free for non villagers...but you just got payed Ray!!......I Know Rodders, but my dole money went on the girls and I drank your money...Ray, ya big tit.

SO wot are we going to do now Ray?...

 

[maiden1]

...Ray....RAY GET FROM BEHIND THE F*CING DOOR, sorry Rodders...mumbles ray...If the CLANSMAN came in right now Ray, he would of seen yar boots mun.....and yes you would of been F*CKED Ray, so This is wot I think we should do!!!

We climb through the window and make are way to the BANK, there is a girl who works in the Bank her name is KERRY, you will recognize Kerry as she is wearing boots, nice pair of Black Shinny boots, come to think of it Ray!! they're the same shinny boots as DEADLY and MIMA wears, hmmm.....I'm just wondering if the boots are made in THE VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED OR are they the same person.

anyway Ray, get out the window and lets go. Rays spewinguke: and mumbles, BUT WOT ABOUT MY BAG? ITS AT THE BAR...Ray you DICK, you go and wait at the Bank I will get your bag as you can't be seen by the CLANSMAN.

Rays gone and now I must get his bag, BUT WHO'S GOING TO PAY FOR THE DRINKS??????.......