Are you a better person than you were 5 years ago?

[Dick Sirloin]

And I don't mean like "I'm a lot nicer to people now" or "I had 'angel of retribution' as my album of the year".... Meaning.... "Man, I said/did/drank/smoked a lot of stupid shit back then, and I was basically a moron in a helluvalotta ways but I'm way cooler now" kind of thing. I only ask this because my 40 y/o cousin told me back then that every 5 years or so, you look back on who you were and see yourself as a completely different person. Not that I have any huge regrets or anything.... But I'm 25 now, and those words make a lot of sense.

Basically what I'm asking is: is this a young'un type of feeling to have, or is it something that continues throughout life?

Because, if so, I will be excruciatingly fucking badass when I'm 30.

 

[WhiteBeastofWotan]

5 years ago I was 17.

Yup.

 

[Disgustipated]

5 years ago I was 18.

Yup.

The thing that has changed most for me is that I am much more outgoing and honest than I was 5 years ago. I used to give a fuck about what people thought; tried to make everyone happy. Then I realised most other cunts were selfish fucks anyway so I just don't give a hoot anymore. In a way this is better, but I do upset people way more often. Ah fuck 'em.

Edit: On the other hand, I am not as smart as I used to be. I've all but forgotten German, and I was pretty good at that. I often struggle to put sentences together where I used to be really good at arguing points. I definitely put this down to alcohol and the fact that 5 years ago I was just finishing school. I just don't use my brain as much as I used to.

 

[einride]

yeah i'm a bit less of an idiot all around and i'm generally happier

there are some serious downsides as well, such as i don't seem to be as creative these days

also the difference is not nearly as dramatic from 20-25 as it was from 15-20, which should come as a surprise to no one

 

[Ellestin]

5 more years on RC

you do the math

Generally speaking I like to think I have a more "mature" point of view on, well, things, like life management to a broad extent. But I'm probably deluding myself.

 

[einride]

But I'm probably deluding myself.

5 more years of self-delusion

eventually you'll trick yourself into thinking you're the best person in the world although in the eyes of everyone else you're a worthless bag of bones

life's cool

 

[Disgustipated]

eventually you'll trick yourself into thinking you're the best person in the world although in the eyes of everyone else you're a worthless bag of bones

Hey wow that sounds like 90% of the people I know.

 

[Thanatopsis123]

I realized when I was about 12 that if I looked back on versions of myself from years gone by, those previous versions would almost always, invariably seem like idiots. But I'm not sure if I'm becoming a better person these days. I'm more mature, generally happier, much more adventurous, etc. However, I'm also more complacent and not as sharp.

A professor of mine told me that as I grew older I'd stop wanting to change the world. That my caring would become much more localized. I would eventually just care about me and mine. And you know what? As much as I denied it at the time, I can see now that he was right. And I struggle with whether or not this change is good or not.

 

[einride]

A professor of mine told me that as I grew older I'd stop wanting to change the world. That my caring would become much more localized. I would eventually just care about me and mine. And you know what? As much as I denied it at the time, I can see now that he was right. And I struggle with whether or not this change is good or not.

this is entirely true, and it is a difficult realization to come to terms with for me because resisting and wanting to change the world seems intuitively like the right thing to do (there is so much wrong with it after all,) but it is a sign of maturity to realize that the world can't really be changed. after all, caring about your own neighbourhood or family or the things that ACTUALLY affect you is healthier and more productive than worrying about millions starving in africa or the jewish new world order's plot for world domination. in fact, if everyone genuinely cared about only themselves and their immediate surroundings, and did their best to make the best of them, all the larger-scale problems in the world would magically disappear.

this is why i've almost entirely rejected global and nation-level politics, and do not read, watch or listen to the news, because it fills my head with worry about shit that DOES NOT MATTER AT ALL.

anyway.

this gradual shift of interest that undoubtedly comes with age for most people is another of SO MANY things that are good in moderation, but harmful if exaggerated. too many people just let themselves gradually go into a state of non-caring about everything, including their own personal development and well-being, which is why most people still enrage and disgust me in their complacency and mental lethargy.

and i think that's a sign of good health, that at least shit still gets me angry sometimes.

 

[Demilich]

nah, I'm mostly way worse than I was 5 years ago.

 

[Dick Sirloin]

this gradual shift of interest that undoubtedly comes with age for most people is another of SO MANY things that are good in moderation, but harmful if exaggerated. too many people just let themselves gradually go into a state of non-caring about everything, including their own personal development and well-being, which is why most people still enrage and disgust me in their complacency and mental lethargy.

"Personal development" is the key phrase here. Back when I was in college and such, I suppose I must have had a "thirst for learning" and/or "lust for life" that's hard to describe but I'm pretty sure everyone knows what I'm talking about. It's not entirely dead now, but I definitely give much less of a fuck about the possible, uh, interestingness of the world (music and bitches notwithstanding). Weird, because I don't think it's really a bad thing. I'm much more focused now on my craft (writing fiction), and thus have improved immensely. Steady job, getting drunk on the reg, sex on the reg, yacht on the reg.... Nothing else but these things really matter anymore, except maybe my friends and family. I'd like to think I'm more discerning now about who I hang out with and how I spend my time, so maybe living in the "real world" has the effect of sharpening one's priorities. Though I do sorta miss that naive idiot sometimes....

 

[Dick Sirloin]

Where are all the old fucks?

 

[lurch70]

you rang?

Steady job, getting drunk on the reg, sex on the reg, yacht on the reg.... Nothing else but these things really matter anymore, except maybe my friends and family.

this!
I think my 20's and early 30's had the most turmoil as i was trying to find myself (not that I really did, but I became more settled in what I want out of life and what is superficial based on different things I tried during that time ... that's why i poke fun at some of you young'uns sometimes)

lately it's been trying to accomplish something somewhat major every year (not pressuring myself into it, just clearly focusing on accomplishing it ... marriage, kid, house, Aston Martin, mistress, rinse/repeat)

but yeah, as you get older you become more "stabilized" ... until I hear, you late 40's- early 50's when you want to scrape everything and start anew.

so not "better", just "different".

 

[Dick Sirloin]

I sorta see what you're saying lurch, though I MOS DEF have no desire to get married or have a kid or any of that heavy shit. I don't think I've necessarily "matured" (this thread seems to beg for a lot of unnecessary quotes) because I do A LOT more drugs (the good kind) and still do stupid crazy shit, though it's lost all its rebellious appeal of coolness. Maybe it lies in the fact that I somehow still get things done, though I often wake up and have no desire to do anything except stay in bed and get stoned and scour the internets for THINGS THAT MAY INTEREST ME. Wheras five years ago I would have felt anxious about not doing anything PRODUCTIVE and MIND EXPANDING and would have pulled out some dense 18th century German philosophy or some shit. In short: I still can't imagine doing anything or living in any way except for myself, and I can barely pull that off responsibly.... So this whole giving-a-fuck-vs-not-giving-a-fuck is sort of moot when I'm still the same selfish bastard I've always been.

 

[lurch70]

as I mentioned in some other thread before, i wholeheartedly believe that EVERYONE is selfish and wants things better for themselves first and foremost. so this is nothing new. i was like that and am still like that to a large degree. so is my wife and so is my infant with her pure instincs of wanting everything her way, we are just the providers.

there will be a point though when you will get bored with whatever routine you have and your road will take you somewhere new. that just kind of happens. you are still young.

 

[Dick Sirloin]

I am bored and in many ways unfulfilled, yet I do not care. Perhaps I'm just wondering if that's a good thing.

Certainly having a kid means that there is someone else in your life who has priority over yourself, which is something that I cannot fathom just yet. Which is why I am not fit to raise a kid, or even have a so-called serious relationship. Did things not change dramatically for you once that fleshy pod burst forth from your woman's vajeen?

 

[lurch70]

Did things not change dramatically for you once that fleshy pod burst forth from your woman's vajeen?

hell's fucking yeah ... just a simple example ... since last February a piece of plastic wheel trim has been missing from my MINI as someone hit me. $100 piece that I would have normally bought the same day and be embarrased to drive the car without it.

It's still off ... i spend my money on my daughter.

 

[Reign in Acai]

25- Anger issues, pissed away a lot of time hanging out with friends doing fuck all, marginally cared about what people thought of me.
30 - Pretty mellow by contrast, still pissing away time, (but enjoying it more ie. mindless gaming, grubbing), don't give a shit what anybody thinks of me.


I still hate coons, faggots, kikes, libs, and all that good shit, but it's far more internalized, and has become more jocular in nature.


Edit - I've also become extremely straight edge. I rarely touch sweets, burgers, brew, or other garbage. I exercise consistently, even foregoing sleep on most days for cardio or what have ye. Tat sXe on my wrists and nail me Susperia's barren vagine. I surmise that this has contributed to my increased mellow nature.

 

[swizzlenuts]

You will still drink at the next HC thought right?!

 

[Reign in Acai]

I haven't been "drunk" in well over a year. I still drink occasionally, but it's limited to 1-2. Getting old mate, I don't have a hair or a prayer, the grand infinite peers beneath the sun. With that being said, Agalloch comes to town tmrw night, and Nadrick will be in attendance. So I can't make any promises that I won't end up three sheets to the wind. [/Pun Intended]


I also made a pact a couple years back to never attend a gig completely sober. A depressing elixir is mandatory to remove one's awareness from the awful Angeleno spectacle which gathers between stage left & right.