Cause you Lie, Cheat and Steal

avskum - tell you what, you come to work and do my job and I'll GLADLY go to school in your place. ;)

DWD - can't blame the girl for not wanting to pass up an opportunity to smoke weed. Let's be fair now ;)

I think Lordenlil said it best so i'll just ditto that.

I am glad to see this thread here actually because I've had a very busy and stressful week so I'm gonna take advantage of this opportunity to vent.

I am so FUCKING pissed of at managed health care in USA that I could scream. Well actually I did. I work as a Human resources manager and part of that task is to be the Plan Administrator for the company benefits, which means the fucking health insurance. These insurance carriers do nothing but give people shit over paying claims and twice already this week I have had to do battle with them over claims they have not paid for people. And it was NOT nice for the insurance carrier. I swore profusely because - believe it or not - that's the ONLY way I could get results.

Thanks for listening to this boring shit but i feel better now for telling someone. :)
 
Originally posted by Final_Vision


You are in the same EXACT basket as me my friend, Its almost uncanny...I also am in love with a girl that I thought was mutual. Well when we first started we talked every night, than it turned into once a week, now its about once every 2 weeks and only time I get ahold of her is to e-mail her, she never messages me, e-mails me, calls me.

Even your emotional state is dead on with mine, Ive been happy (my best friend from New York is down, having many good times) very angry....because I feel as if shes toying with my emotions, and utterly depressed and nearly suicidal...

Anyway I know that feeling of waiting and not hearing anything...I go through it everyday it seems, so I definitly feel your pain my friend and if you ever wanna chat im always open on icq :)
Click to expand...

I'm kind of in the same boat as you, but it's a little different, because no one's playing with my mind. Anyways... I don't know what's going to happen, but hopefully someone comes along for all of us, and we're all happy soon.

@Phildwarf: :cry: I don't know exactly how you feel, but I hope everything gets better soon.

@Allison: Right, I forgot that's what everyone wants to do anymore.
 
Yes Phildwarf, as it is in England as well and I think that's a MUCH better system. Didn't cost me a penny to have my son. if he had been born here it would cost in excess of $10,000 for a normal delivery. Fuck that. That's the one thing I REALLY miss about England is NHS.
 
OKay! So this is the pissed off thread...

I happen to be very sick...of mind...well, not that much, but enough to be unable to work or go to school. So, I'caught at home on welfare...ack. And I have a silly diagnosis... "Borderline"... It sounds more like the doctors think I'm faking it all... I've been diagnosed for one year...the only working treatment is tpsychotherapie...which they don,t want to give me...only zombifying medication I get. The only thing I want, is to do something of my life, and I aim high...and because that thing got in my way, well, I'm told I should aim low...I'd rather die! I hate mankind for what they've done to me...caus it is how I was treated in my early years that made me sick...fucking parents, fucking cruel childs, fucking pimps... And that borderline thingie gives me major depressions like every years...and after 6 months, the medication stops working and I fall again! I WANNA GET A LIFE!

Now, you know, and you can hate me more caus I'm an abberation and a parasite to society.
 
Originally posted by niniel
OKay! So this is the pissed off thread...

I happen to be very sick...of mind...well, not that much, but enough to be unable to work or go to school. So, I'caught at home on welfare...ack. And I have a silly diagnosis... "Borderline"... It sounds more like the doctors think I'm faking it all... I've been diagnosed for one year...the only working treatment is tpsychotherapie...which they don,t want to give me...only zombifying medication I get. The only thing I want, is to do something of my life, and I aim high...and because that thing got in my way, well, I'm told I should aim low...I'd rather die! I hate mankind for what they've done to me...caus it is how I was treated in my early years that made me sick...fucking parents, fucking cruel childs, fucking pimps... And that borderline thingie gives me major depressions like every years...and after 6 months, the medication stops working and I fall again! I WANNA GET A LIFE!

Now, you know, and you can hate me more caus I'm an abberation and a parasite to society.
Click to expand...

Wow! This really saddens me :o/ One of my best
friends have the sort of the same thing...
Panickattacs and all that follows. All my friend wants
is to do things, fulfill the dreams, you know? :o/

You mean you have to change medication every six
months or so, cause you get immune? Argh, I hate
medication...

I really hope you'll find your way though, and never
stop aiming high! :o) One day you might be living
your dream, but only you can sort these things out...

And if you feel like telling what's wrong, or what
happened to you that made you "ill", you know
we're all here :o)

Oh, and you're only a parasite if you stop trying....
 
Thx DWD. (:

And, no, I'll never stop aiming high, but poverty hinders me too on that... I'd rather die than to stop aiming high.


And, what made me ill??? Many things...probably many I don't know. And those I know will make my life sound like it is all dramma.. :P

Being hated and beaten at school from age 6 to 10, then only hated and bullied in a less obvious form than beating...until I got out of high school(at 17) coupled with unsupportative parents who said it was all my fault, and favored my yougner sister and their animals over me. Being locked in my room from the moment I went to bed to the moment I had to go to school or the moment my parent got up if I had no school(wich was about 12-13pm at that time) My parent made a depression and weren't adequately treated for years...that didn't help. And I was kinda autistic like in my early childhood, and as I grew up, I just couldn't understand human behavior...maybe that was what brought all this on me. Now, my parents refuse to see me...they slowly rejected me since I was 16 and got into an hospital. When I was 17, I unfortunately met a Pimp and you might guess al the abuses(physical and emotive/mental) that followed(including rape...errr)

Since I was 19, my situation got better, but I still don't see my family, caus well, my parents still don't want to see me or help me. I was homeless twice since I was 18... Had a burn-out every single trimester in cegep...so I didn't get anywhere...

Today, I have a few friends and a Boyfriend who treats me well, but...I am now so paranoid...so I can hardly believe they care about me and I think they will disapear from my life at the first occasion they get...but then...I'm paranoid...and I hope my predictions will prove wrong.

Mr V's music is really helping me a lot to get over my bad moments right now, and I will be forever thankful for that.

I did not tell the details of the story caus well...it would get even more unbelievable. I hope I did not annoy you too much...
 
I did not write this caus I'm in need of simpathy or anything...you asked for it. I don't want pity...only understanding. And, after all, we all are strangers to each others. I am not only suffering. I had some good moments.... And, although I am sick now, I want to heal(if I can be) and strives for it. It really does me good to tell my story once in a while...but it makes me sick to think of it too... I have not been fortunate, but I think maybe my future will not be a continuation of my past.
 
@niniel: That's a tough story, you must be really strong
to be able to share such a personal part of your life.
Yeah, writing and telling about these things always
helps, and I'm glad you decided to at least share some
of it. Makes it easier for me to understand you and your
story :o)

I'm really glad you have found good friends and a
boyfriend as well! And if you can trust them I think
things will get really good for you :o)

And there's nothing like music to get you through the
rough times....
 
now my modem is screwed up which sucks because I have a new computer with all the power I dreamed of and I have no modem!! damn.also I spent the last 4 days playing a computer game and it doesn't even have an ending.damn
 
Originally posted by niniel
I did not write this caus I'm in need of simpathy or anything...you asked for it. I don't want pity...only understanding. And, after all, we all are strangers to each others. I am not only suffering. I had some good moments.... And, although I am sick now, I want to heal(if I can be) and strives for it. It really does me good to tell my story once in a while...but it makes me sick to think of it too... I have not been fortunate, but I think maybe my future will not be a continuation of my past.
Click to expand...

I know you didn't write it for sympathy. I don't understand when someone thinks that I'm looking for sympathy because I talk about my problems to them. I understand you, everything in life is really tough, and it's not just you. Everyone has good moments in their life at one point or another, but the bad moments usually stick longer and make everything tougher. I want to be healed too, everyone tells me, "Just wait, and your time will come." But the problem is, I don't want to wait any longer. I hope you realize that not everything can be perfect, but I'm sure you can get by with what you have, you just have to make life. You have to know what's out there, and grab it. I know what you're going through is tough, and I know you may never forget it. You gotta realize that your life matters to us. You seem like a very sweet and caring person, and I know you are. I know life is tough, and I hope everything turns out for the best soon! One thing you should try, is sitting out in the dark night, think about a lot of things, or during the day go for a little walk to get away from things. It may not be such a big help, but do what you have to... Because you have to live.

Also, I'm sorry to hear you met a pimp, because I don't understand guys that only look for sex. But I guess for some people, it's a big thing. I hope your life has taken a big turn, and you have hit where you wanted to be. I hope you're happy, and if you need someone to listen, I'll be willing to talk.
 
Hey! Well, thanks a lot to be so understanding.

And, by the way....I will slap anyone who feels his/her own problems not important enough to be written here just because they read mine and feel cheap about having trouble with something "seemingly not as worse". No one can say one's problems are worse than another's. We each have our own things to learn in life, I think, for what reason: I cannot know...

And, by the way, I'll also slap anyone who think I'm about to commit suicide: Don't worry, I'm not this type.

Question for everyone: Would you choose to go for your "soulmate" if you already think that you know who it is, even though the strenght of that love might drive you totally insane and the relationship might be now totally impossible, or would you go for someone else you love as well, without that consuming strenght and passion that you might feel with your "soulmate"(and that you crave for, no mather how damaging it is) but that is a healthy and fun relationship?

I chose the second choice....but sometimes am missing the feeling "love being everything in life".

P.S. Just to be certain you understood right, I do love my actual boyfriend, but I sometime crave for something more, even though it is damaging for me....(yeah...I think it's crazy too)
 
Not a problem, I love helping people with their problems, although I can't help with my own.

I'll share my problems, although I don't know what the problem is exactly. Well, for the most part, I have no idea what it feels like to have a girlfriend, and that's something I want to find out. It's hard not having someone by your side (Yes, I know I have friends, but you know what I mean). And, no, I don't mean I'm looking for someone to have sex with, I don't care about that, I'll do that when me and the other person are ready. People tell me: "it's not all that great", "you'll find someone", "all you have to do is wait", "the person will come to you", etc. Well, how do they know? Is that what they did? Is that how it is for everyone? What if the girl I like decides that I'll come to her? It just gives me more questions. I have no idea why people tell me what they do. All I want to hear is "yes", but it's not that easy (Well, it is for some guys here).

I'm glad you're not the type to commit suicide, I'm not either.

I'd choose the second choice too. The first one is very risky, and would take longer, and I don't want to think I'll have a soulmate until me and the other person think that about each other. Unless, of course, that person you know is your soulmate, and your that person's soulmate, then it's different.

I know you love him, and I kinda know how you feel, maybe not completely... But I understand most of it.
 
Originally posted by DeadWinterDead
Well, for the most part, I have no idea what it feels like to have a girlfriend, and that's something I want to find out.
Click to expand...

But you have a gf now, don't you? But, yeah, when I was initally dating my first gf, I had trouble with it. For me, it's a friendship with benefits... it doesn't have to start as a friendship, but if one doesn't develop, I'd say something's wrong. At least that's how I view it...
 
Originally posted by niniel
Question for everyone: Would you choose to go for your "soulmate" if you already think that you know who it is, even though the strenght of that love might drive you totally insane and the relationship might be now totally impossible, or would you go for someone else you love as well, without that consuming strenght and passion that you might feel with your "soulmate"(and that you crave for, no mather how damaging it is) but that is a healthy and fun relationship?

I chose the second choice....but sometimes am missing the feeling "love being everything in life".
Click to expand...

Hmmm... tough one.... I like to think I'd go for the first one,
cause I am very emotional, and always follow my heart when
things get *deep*... Dunno how to explain it. But then I think,
maybe I wouldn't follow this soulmate... Maybe I'd consider
it too risky? I know that if I met a person now that I connected
to like *BANG*, I'd still doubt it... I think I'd still keep with
my beloved one... I know him, I love him, he's *safe*,
know what I mean?

Interesting question though... I think the first one will give
you a very interesting life, but if you're not strong enough
you might get seriously burnt, while with the last one,
you're just... safe :o)
 
although this is my first post, ive been inclined to "contribute" as well.....the past few weeks have been messed for myself as well....unfortunatly, it seems as though it stems from my past being shitty...for starters, i was obese when i was a kid...as always, i got insulted constantly...i had to fight to go just about anywhere in school...sad thing is, i learned to inflict harm on them...then they feared me for a while...that led to detachment from just about everyone...so i read books and listened to music as a kid (mainly punk and grunge back then ;) ) i was in this condition all the way through high school untill the summer between my junior and senior year (timeframe: i began colledge this july) i couldn't stand it anymore...this is mainly becuase of a girl who actually talked, rather than rebuked me. i began to care for her deeply. i felt ashamed to be near her as i was. So i began to change what i ate and took long walks to lose it. in a time of 16 months, i managed to go from 5'6" 265lbs, to 5'7 148lbs. i always thought that people hated me for my weight. but then all the worst of irony happened to me. she now thinks im too thin. and then i decided to move on, becuase she has a bf now, and i need to keep my sanity. however, all these years of being apart from people has left it's impact on me....it's not like im even trying to have sex with someone. i just want to know how it's like to care for someone, and actually have it be a mutual thing. i can actually talk to them, but ive always filled a role as a friend, or im "not their type" and unfortunatly, the aformentioned girl comes from a strong christian background, and i think she may like me, but she would be literally disowned if they knew im an atheist. ive been trying to mingle with ppl, but i feel as though i dont understand anyone, and it fustrates me, i try to be myself, but it just seems as though nobody of my type lives in this area. Im afraid, becuase i used to be attracted by a wide variety of girls, but now, im not attracted to anyone. i get afraid of that sometimes...as though i dont know what to do...well, i hope this wasn't too long and boring, but it feels good to to put it down so others can read it..
 
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