Chuck Norris - From the Devin Townsend forum

[goth_fiend]

'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA

It is said that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten. Every time God masturbates, Chuck Norris kills a lion

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's fucking head off.

and just so that you actually know...
A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay.

 

[BodomiC]

It is said that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten. Every time God masturbates, Chuck Norris kills a lion

ROFLMAO

A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay.

i told ya he was pretending

 

[Silver Incubus]

http://www.youtube.com/w/chuck?v=yIYmH8cXqEk&search=Chuck

his awesomeness. He figts the real world C.O.B.R.A , Claw and the Super Ninja!!!!!!1!!!

 

[enjoi17]

You remember the game Oregon Trail and you came accross the Snake River that was 2 foot deep, you decide to cross it and you lose 3 wagon wheels, one child and your wife was diagnosed with Parvo and they blamed it on Wagon Robbing Indians? Yeah that was Chuck Norris, he fucking robbed you, drowned your child with numchucks and gave your wife herpes. Chuck Norris Owns you.

one of my favorites.

 

[derek]

Chuck is experiencing the Hoff-effect...and its great.

"Time stops for no man, unless that man is chuck norris"

"chuck norris has counted to infinity, twice"

"the boogeyman checks his closet at night for chuck norris"

 

[Valerie]

You remember the game Oregon Trail and you came accross the Snake River that was 2 foot deep, you decide to cross it and you lose 3 wagon wheels, one child and your wife was diagnosed with Parvo and they blamed it on Wagon Robbing Indians? Yeah that was Chuck Norris, he fucking robbed you, drowned your child with numchucks and gave your wife herpes.

and all in a matter of seconds

 

[derek]

and all in a matter of seconds

shut up and kiss me you wa.... well you know the rest

 

[Valerie]

shut up and kiss me you wa.... well you know the rest

No.

Chuck Norris will kiss you.

 

[derek]

No.

Chuck Norris will kiss you.

I no longer love you.

 

[EagleFlyFree]

haha only today i came across that site, and it wasn't through this thread even. i read everything in one go, up to the extra facts, and in the end my cheeks hurted like hell but it was well worth it.
he doesn't get wet, water gets chuck norris!

 

[Deadnight Warrior87]

Lee, survives the nuclear holocaust in Japan, only cockroaches and twinkies can survive that. Norris would have been killed.

If an episode of Walker Texas Ranger changed your life, you might be a redneck.

 

[Valerie]

I no longer love you.

 

[derek]

Harsh, but true.

 

[BodomiC]

he doesn't get wet, water gets chuck norris!

genious

 

[Deadnight Warrior87]

Anyone think Bronson pwns both of them like me?

 

[Earth Breather]

(I'm sorry if this was posted already) http://jbboy.deviantart.com/journal/7076608/ funny as hell!

 

[derek]

These have flooded the net. And good old chuck has used them as a platform to sell is dire biography and his new novel.

still funny tho!

 

[enjoi17]

Yeah that was funny at the end of Dodgeball when he goes, "Fuckin' Chuck Norris".

 

[predator666]

chuck norris owns

 

[The Soulforged]

im sick of chuck norris