- Apr 10, 2006
- 11,386
- 2,033
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We don't have to specify all the names and actual locations because this is the internet. But still. I recently started using Foursquare and I realized I know pretty much all the pubs and bars in this neighborhood so i thought I'd do a little overview of where I live and you people can throw in your insights about your cities/neighborhoods, the venues there and shit. Even the people that live there.
My neighborhood is on the riverside and is located about 15 minutes from the centre of Prague. It sort of looks like a small town in some shithole but it's a part of Prague and the centre is well accessible from here. (That's about the biggest advantage of this place tbh, that's why people move in here). The prices of flats and houses went way up in the recent years also because this place looks better than the typical communist-era districts and also has less criminality.
There are two meth dealers on the main road. It's two older women coincidentally living next to each other. You can tell their doorbells from the doorbells of their neighbors by an aureole of dirt around them. That's caused by dirty addicts being unable to aim for it with their stupid fucking dirty fingers. The other doorbells are surgically clean compared to those. I can see the main road from my window and sometimes at 3AM in the morning there are meth addicts shouting fucking random nonsense all around. That's caused by these fucking two whores. I bet they offer fellatio as well, for a few bucks. Why not. There are not many gypsies at least. Only few homeless retards but those die in like 5 year rotations.
I remember this one with one leg from my youth but he's long gone obviously. There's this one currently active who has some mental problems and obviously he thinks he's Hitler. He goes around the neighborhood and he marches and shouts "HEIL" in short intervals while doing this mustache thing with his left hand and heiling with the right one. You can see he's a cripple because he obviously can't help it and it looks more like some sort of panic attacks. Heil Hitler his life in panic attacks form. He'll be dead in less than two years imo. He marches like that around the cafeteria and around the children place and his condition is getting worse. And you can't tell me the women with prams and babies running around sitting on the cafeteria garden don't mind this smelly WWII Hitlerghost marching close around them like they seem to. They just ignore that goblin but bitch I can see into your SOUL.
For some reason I started with the lowest form of life around here. However, I should start with a pub that I liked the most that closed less than a year back. I used to go there alone, which is a thing that I don't do with any pub in this neighborhood anymore. There were those two bartenders who I really liked. I could pay for my beers the next day and shit. It was simply brilliant. Although it was a shithole too obviously. We call those dirty pubs "the fourth price category pubs". This is a classification that's been in use since like 100 years back probably, but pretty much only the 1st and 4th classes have remained. You call it a 4th price category when they have cheap beer and eating there is risky for your health. Going on a toilet there requires strong will. The trve alcoholics obviously like those the best.
One time I went to take a piss in the urinal and the bartender came and suprised me with a quick snapshot of my dick with his phone. He then went around the pub with the picture and showed it to random people who were ordering food. Sometimes he got drunk too much and went around the place with a saw and a machete and scared old people. Sometimes I came there and there was shards and blood over the place and he didn't even bother to clean it up. The cooks were drunk all the time. Sometimes so much they couldn't cook and the bartenders had to tell them exactly what steps to take. The food then looked accordingly.
I miss the place. It closed because the owner was an idiot and now both the bartenders work in pubs quite far away so I don't see them anymore. The community of the regulars has broken up and shit. They were usually truck drivers or taxi drivers but whatever. The beer there was reasonable too.
I'm getting to the problem I'm having now. There's no other pub in this neighborhood that's as good as this one was. And there's many. And I know them all tbh. And I need to have a fine place to go when I'm thirsty. The same thing with shops really. There's this discount store in the centre and the rest is vietnamese shops. Stupidly there's 4 of those on one street only and they all have the same cheese and they all sell the same candy. They must be ran by some immigrant gang or something. The czech shop owners have slowly disappeared from here.
Basically if you want to start at the good old pub level, then we can stay on the same spot and tell why exactly it sucks now. Someone else opened a new pub there and reconstructed the place. It's some dumb fuck though, who owns like three pubs in the centre and thought it would be a good idea to put 5 different kinds of chairs all around the pub so it looks fucking silly even though the place is all new and shit. he also thought it would be a good idea to hire "pretty" girls to do the service. One is an ex-druggie, the second was a 20 year old ex-druggie mother (her son is 5 so she had to be injected with druggy semen at 15 years of age!) - well that one was kicked out soon. Instead a gypsy with a blonde peroxide hair works there now. That little monkey face I like but who knows what she's up to. Dark eyebrows light hair well bitch you got something evil going on in that evil cunt of yours. And what's your age anyway? 20? 30? 40? I can't fucking tell you evil whore. No thanks.
The trouble with hiring people like this is that they can't tap Urquell. The beer is rarely good there and that's a huge fucking mistake bitch. You can be a white gypsy enigma but you can't serve me an Urquell this shitty. A pub needs an experienced MALE bartender who knows how to serve Urquell DOT. Fuck any alternatives. A bitch can take it to my table but please don't touch the beer technicalities.
Ok we can go furher into the neighborhood to find a pub where they don't even serve Urquell. Fuck that with a dildo cargo. They have this local brand of beer for like half the price and you could call this a 5th price category pub. There are mostly construction site workers and some of them seem to be on a quest of making the stupidest loudest noise ever. I've seen people there shout complete Zeuhl and bash things against the wall. It's hard to stay there for more than a few minutes.
If we concentrate on pubs that serve Urquell than that's three more pubs and two more that are basically hotels. If you go to those there are some old people eating stuff and getting drunk there is incredibly silly. No thx. The three formerly mentioned are pubs in the correct way but their beer is no good either and strange people go there and I feel like I don't belong there. Fuck those places. Fuck them a shitstack. Yesterday I was at one of those places on the garden and there were people with dogs and that I fucking hate. Three ugly dogs barking like shit and pissing on the ground, you're lucky if they don't piss on you. Then there was this drunk guy shouting obscene blabber at his poor little son. Thanks but I don't need an insight to the world of bad parenting of abusive cretins. There's also cool people from time to time there though. There's this weed dealer who's there at all times and he does his job and he does it fine from what I can tell. The weed's nothing strong but it's ideal to have with a beer.
But yeah. The place still sucks and so do the others.
Where to go. And bitch. What about past 23:00? There are only three bars that are still open past that time. One is close to the football fields and they only serve Urquell in bottles there which is ultrasilly and 17 year old footballers drink there which is kinda gay. They play 80's czech pop which induces vomiting. There used to be a lot of parties when I was a kid but no more. The place is dead. Then there's this silly bar where old people into country go, but the owner is a complete douche and he pretty much hates when he has people inside so he chose his job badly obvs. You come there and he already hates you for coming. You order something and he hates you for ordering it. There were situations when he poured things on my mates and claimed it was incidental but no way. He wanted that. Fuck that fucking faggot.
And then there's the 24/7 bar. A dirty dirty place. Druggies and alcoholics go there. Two of the walls are just VLTs, the machines that show you pictures of fruits and take your money in return. Low-class alcoholics lose their entire paychecks there. Sometimes there's a fight, sometimes people decide to just destroy stuff. That place is dirty, but the Urquell is reasonable. Who would go there for the first beer though? Maybe the eighth but that's still a silly choice. Yesterday me and my mate went there after the shitty pub closed and we verbally abused this simpleminded girl who always wants to have a beer with us but doesn't want to fuck. So we ask her shit like whether she's shaved or whether she wants a threesome with us and we say the most obscene shit in front of her and watch her reactions. Now that I'm looking back at it, it's just killing time. She's not very pretty but a threesome would be fun maybe. If I'd erect the tool with just this blob girl in front of me. Who knows.
The trouble all the pubs have is that they are just as expensive as those in the centre of the city yet they are much much worse. And people like me don't want to go to the centre every fucking time they want a beer or two and there's no good places around here.
But it's not just about pubs. Sometimes I go out for a run and there's this trail for that along the river. Unfortunately a lot of people go there so I either choose times around 21:00 or when the weather's shitty. There's different kinds of people there. The women there are usually either fatties trying to lose weight through gallons of sugary sweat, or there are those older types who try to stay fit. The kind that I hate the most are those who basically walk on the rollerblades. They're scared of falling on the ground so they just fucking make these small steps and they're slower like that than what they would be walking. Why? Why don't you just walk then?
Most women on rollerblades look just fucking stupid anyway. I don't consider that thing sexy. Same as I don't fucking consider women skiing sexy. They stick that lift thing between their legs and it pushes their fucking slightly fat asses upwards the fucking hill and when you're behind them you just watch their X legs for 10 minutes and then they go down and you wish to not go behind them the next time.
Even though I enjoy riding down the hill on the snowboard the whole ski resorts full of these people fucking piss me off. At those times I realize how dumb skiing is. Being pushed up to get down. There are these ultracool groups of chicks and boys who do these tricks on snowboards and shit. Snowboards are kinda sexier with chicks imo.
There's this girl who I knew and she does these tricks on rails and other random shit on the snowboard and once she tore her anus on that. It was the prom night and she arrived in the evening dress and she walked all funny and we thought she was raped in the ass by a gang of monkeys like a minute ago but no, she fucking tore her ass on the snowboard. Her ass needed some stitches and she danced all funny.
It's also one of those things that requirea lot of money to gain this coolness you need to go for. You need a colorful snowboard with some fucking cool writings on it for like 500usd and then you need clothes, shoes, skipass, and that's all like 1000 more usd. And then maybe you have this status of a cool snowboarder. And you go fucking up, and then you go fucking down. What a strange thing to do. It attracts pretty girls though. And they drink vodka and stuff.
So yeah.
So that's that. What the fuck was I talking about anyway.
My neighborhood is on the riverside and is located about 15 minutes from the centre of Prague. It sort of looks like a small town in some shithole but it's a part of Prague and the centre is well accessible from here. (That's about the biggest advantage of this place tbh, that's why people move in here). The prices of flats and houses went way up in the recent years also because this place looks better than the typical communist-era districts and also has less criminality.
There are two meth dealers on the main road. It's two older women coincidentally living next to each other. You can tell their doorbells from the doorbells of their neighbors by an aureole of dirt around them. That's caused by dirty addicts being unable to aim for it with their stupid fucking dirty fingers. The other doorbells are surgically clean compared to those. I can see the main road from my window and sometimes at 3AM in the morning there are meth addicts shouting fucking random nonsense all around. That's caused by these fucking two whores. I bet they offer fellatio as well, for a few bucks. Why not. There are not many gypsies at least. Only few homeless retards but those die in like 5 year rotations.
I remember this one with one leg from my youth but he's long gone obviously. There's this one currently active who has some mental problems and obviously he thinks he's Hitler. He goes around the neighborhood and he marches and shouts "HEIL" in short intervals while doing this mustache thing with his left hand and heiling with the right one. You can see he's a cripple because he obviously can't help it and it looks more like some sort of panic attacks. Heil Hitler his life in panic attacks form. He'll be dead in less than two years imo. He marches like that around the cafeteria and around the children place and his condition is getting worse. And you can't tell me the women with prams and babies running around sitting on the cafeteria garden don't mind this smelly WWII Hitlerghost marching close around them like they seem to. They just ignore that goblin but bitch I can see into your SOUL.
For some reason I started with the lowest form of life around here. However, I should start with a pub that I liked the most that closed less than a year back. I used to go there alone, which is a thing that I don't do with any pub in this neighborhood anymore. There were those two bartenders who I really liked. I could pay for my beers the next day and shit. It was simply brilliant. Although it was a shithole too obviously. We call those dirty pubs "the fourth price category pubs". This is a classification that's been in use since like 100 years back probably, but pretty much only the 1st and 4th classes have remained. You call it a 4th price category when they have cheap beer and eating there is risky for your health. Going on a toilet there requires strong will. The trve alcoholics obviously like those the best.
One time I went to take a piss in the urinal and the bartender came and suprised me with a quick snapshot of my dick with his phone. He then went around the pub with the picture and showed it to random people who were ordering food. Sometimes he got drunk too much and went around the place with a saw and a machete and scared old people. Sometimes I came there and there was shards and blood over the place and he didn't even bother to clean it up. The cooks were drunk all the time. Sometimes so much they couldn't cook and the bartenders had to tell them exactly what steps to take. The food then looked accordingly.
I miss the place. It closed because the owner was an idiot and now both the bartenders work in pubs quite far away so I don't see them anymore. The community of the regulars has broken up and shit. They were usually truck drivers or taxi drivers but whatever. The beer there was reasonable too.
I'm getting to the problem I'm having now. There's no other pub in this neighborhood that's as good as this one was. And there's many. And I know them all tbh. And I need to have a fine place to go when I'm thirsty. The same thing with shops really. There's this discount store in the centre and the rest is vietnamese shops. Stupidly there's 4 of those on one street only and they all have the same cheese and they all sell the same candy. They must be ran by some immigrant gang or something. The czech shop owners have slowly disappeared from here.
Basically if you want to start at the good old pub level, then we can stay on the same spot and tell why exactly it sucks now. Someone else opened a new pub there and reconstructed the place. It's some dumb fuck though, who owns like three pubs in the centre and thought it would be a good idea to put 5 different kinds of chairs all around the pub so it looks fucking silly even though the place is all new and shit. he also thought it would be a good idea to hire "pretty" girls to do the service. One is an ex-druggie, the second was a 20 year old ex-druggie mother (her son is 5 so she had to be injected with druggy semen at 15 years of age!) - well that one was kicked out soon. Instead a gypsy with a blonde peroxide hair works there now. That little monkey face I like but who knows what she's up to. Dark eyebrows light hair well bitch you got something evil going on in that evil cunt of yours. And what's your age anyway? 20? 30? 40? I can't fucking tell you evil whore. No thanks.
The trouble with hiring people like this is that they can't tap Urquell. The beer is rarely good there and that's a huge fucking mistake bitch. You can be a white gypsy enigma but you can't serve me an Urquell this shitty. A pub needs an experienced MALE bartender who knows how to serve Urquell DOT. Fuck any alternatives. A bitch can take it to my table but please don't touch the beer technicalities.
Ok we can go furher into the neighborhood to find a pub where they don't even serve Urquell. Fuck that with a dildo cargo. They have this local brand of beer for like half the price and you could call this a 5th price category pub. There are mostly construction site workers and some of them seem to be on a quest of making the stupidest loudest noise ever. I've seen people there shout complete Zeuhl and bash things against the wall. It's hard to stay there for more than a few minutes.
If we concentrate on pubs that serve Urquell than that's three more pubs and two more that are basically hotels. If you go to those there are some old people eating stuff and getting drunk there is incredibly silly. No thx. The three formerly mentioned are pubs in the correct way but their beer is no good either and strange people go there and I feel like I don't belong there. Fuck those places. Fuck them a shitstack. Yesterday I was at one of those places on the garden and there were people with dogs and that I fucking hate. Three ugly dogs barking like shit and pissing on the ground, you're lucky if they don't piss on you. Then there was this drunk guy shouting obscene blabber at his poor little son. Thanks but I don't need an insight to the world of bad parenting of abusive cretins. There's also cool people from time to time there though. There's this weed dealer who's there at all times and he does his job and he does it fine from what I can tell. The weed's nothing strong but it's ideal to have with a beer.
But yeah. The place still sucks and so do the others.
Where to go. And bitch. What about past 23:00? There are only three bars that are still open past that time. One is close to the football fields and they only serve Urquell in bottles there which is ultrasilly and 17 year old footballers drink there which is kinda gay. They play 80's czech pop which induces vomiting. There used to be a lot of parties when I was a kid but no more. The place is dead. Then there's this silly bar where old people into country go, but the owner is a complete douche and he pretty much hates when he has people inside so he chose his job badly obvs. You come there and he already hates you for coming. You order something and he hates you for ordering it. There were situations when he poured things on my mates and claimed it was incidental but no way. He wanted that. Fuck that fucking faggot.
And then there's the 24/7 bar. A dirty dirty place. Druggies and alcoholics go there. Two of the walls are just VLTs, the machines that show you pictures of fruits and take your money in return. Low-class alcoholics lose their entire paychecks there. Sometimes there's a fight, sometimes people decide to just destroy stuff. That place is dirty, but the Urquell is reasonable. Who would go there for the first beer though? Maybe the eighth but that's still a silly choice. Yesterday me and my mate went there after the shitty pub closed and we verbally abused this simpleminded girl who always wants to have a beer with us but doesn't want to fuck. So we ask her shit like whether she's shaved or whether she wants a threesome with us and we say the most obscene shit in front of her and watch her reactions. Now that I'm looking back at it, it's just killing time. She's not very pretty but a threesome would be fun maybe. If I'd erect the tool with just this blob girl in front of me. Who knows.
The trouble all the pubs have is that they are just as expensive as those in the centre of the city yet they are much much worse. And people like me don't want to go to the centre every fucking time they want a beer or two and there's no good places around here.
But it's not just about pubs. Sometimes I go out for a run and there's this trail for that along the river. Unfortunately a lot of people go there so I either choose times around 21:00 or when the weather's shitty. There's different kinds of people there. The women there are usually either fatties trying to lose weight through gallons of sugary sweat, or there are those older types who try to stay fit. The kind that I hate the most are those who basically walk on the rollerblades. They're scared of falling on the ground so they just fucking make these small steps and they're slower like that than what they would be walking. Why? Why don't you just walk then?
Most women on rollerblades look just fucking stupid anyway. I don't consider that thing sexy. Same as I don't fucking consider women skiing sexy. They stick that lift thing between their legs and it pushes their fucking slightly fat asses upwards the fucking hill and when you're behind them you just watch their X legs for 10 minutes and then they go down and you wish to not go behind them the next time.
Even though I enjoy riding down the hill on the snowboard the whole ski resorts full of these people fucking piss me off. At those times I realize how dumb skiing is. Being pushed up to get down. There are these ultracool groups of chicks and boys who do these tricks on snowboards and shit. Snowboards are kinda sexier with chicks imo.
There's this girl who I knew and she does these tricks on rails and other random shit on the snowboard and once she tore her anus on that. It was the prom night and she arrived in the evening dress and she walked all funny and we thought she was raped in the ass by a gang of monkeys like a minute ago but no, she fucking tore her ass on the snowboard. Her ass needed some stitches and she danced all funny.
It's also one of those things that requirea lot of money to gain this coolness you need to go for. You need a colorful snowboard with some fucking cool writings on it for like 500usd and then you need clothes, shoes, skipass, and that's all like 1000 more usd. And then maybe you have this status of a cool snowboarder. And you go fucking up, and then you go fucking down. What a strange thing to do. It attracts pretty girls though. And they drink vodka and stuff.
So yeah.
So that's that. What the fuck was I talking about anyway.
