Empty Your Clipboard
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Lolita Vampiriá
Sister of Mercy
VultureCulture said:like cheese?
talking about cheese...this is the whole script of a Monty Python gag about a Cheese Shop...it's WONDERFUL except for the end...i really laughed reading this!!!!
(a customer walks in the door.)
Customer: Good Morning.
Owner: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium!
Customer: Ah, thank you, my good man.
Owner: What can I do for you, Sir?
Customer: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmon Street just now, skimming through "Rogue Herrys" by Hugh Walpole, and I suddenly came over all peckish.
Owner: Peckish, sir?
Customer: Esuriant.
Owner: Eh?
Customer: 'Ee, Ah wor 'ungry-loike!
Owner: Ah, hungry!
Customer: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a little fermented
curd will do the trick," so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles!
Owner: Come again?
Customer: I want to buy some cheese.
Owner: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bazouki player!
Customer: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse!
Owner: Sorry?
Customer: 'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tuune, 'yer forced too!
Owner: So he can go on playing, can he?
Customer: Most certainly! Now then, some cheese please, my good
man.
Owner: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?
Customer: Well, eh, how about a little red Leicester.
Owner: I'm, a-fraid we're fresh out of red Leicester, sir.
Customer: Oh, never mind, how are you on Tilsit?
Owner: I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it fresh on Monday.
Customer: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Caerphilly, if you please.
Owner: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this morning.
Customer: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Bel Paese?
Owner: Sorry, sir.
Customer: Red Windsor?
Owner: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.
Customer: Ah. Stilton?
Owner: Sorry.
Customer: Ementhal? Gruyere?
Owner: No.
Customer: Any Norweigan Jarlsburg, per chance.
Owner: No.
Customer: Lipta?
Owner: No.
Customer: Lancashire?
Owner: No.
Customer: White Stilton?
Owner: No.
Customer: Danish Brew?
Owner: No.
Customer: Double Goucester?
Owner: (pause) No.
Customer: Cheshire?
Owner: No.
Customer: Dorset Bluveny?
Owner: No.
Customer: Brie, Roquefort, Pol le Veq, Port Salut, Savoy Aire, Saint
Paulin, Carrier de lest, Bres Bleu, Bruson?
Owner: No.
Customer: Camenbert, perhaps?
Owner: Ah! We have Camenbert, yessir.
Customer: (suprised) You do! Excellent.
Owner: Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit runny...
Customer: Oh, I like it runny.
Owner: Well,.. It's very runny, actually, sir.
Customer: No matter. Fetch hither the fromage de la Belle France! Mmmwah!
Owner: I...think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir.
Customer: I don't care how fucking runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.
Owner: Oooooooooohhh........! (pause)
Customer: What now?
Owner: The cat's eaten it.
Customer: (pause) Has he.
Owner: She, sir.
(pause)
Customer: Gouda?
Owner: No.
Customer: Edam?
Owner: No.
Customer: Case Ness?
Owner: No.
Customer: Smoked Austrian?
Owner: No.
Customer: Japanese Sage Darby?
Owner: No, sir.
Customer: You...do *have* some cheese, don't you?
Owner: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's a cheese shop, sir. We've got--
Customer: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.
Owner: Fair enough.
Customer: Uuuuuh, Wensleydale.
Owner: Yes?
Customer: Ah, well, I'll have some of that!
Owner: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir. Mister Wensleydale, that's my name.
(pause)
Customer: Greek Feta?
Owner: Uh, not as such.
Customer: Uuh, Gorgonzola?
Owner: no
Customer: Parmesan,
Owner: no
Customer: Mozarella,
Owner: no
Customer: Paper Cramer,
Owner: no
Customer: Danish Bimbo,
Owner: no
Customer: Czech sheep's milk,
Owner: no
Customer: Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?
Owner: Not today, sir, no.
(pause)
Customer: Aah, how about Cheddar?
Owner: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.
Customer: Not much ca--It's the single most popular cheese in the world!
Owner: Not 'round here, sir.
Customer: (slight pause) and what IS the most popular cheese 'round hyah?
Owner: 'Illchester, sir.
Customer: IS it.
Owner: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manusquire.
Customer: Is it.
Owner: It's our number one best seller, sir!
Customer: I see. Uuh...'Illchester, eh?
Owner: Right, sir.
Customer: All right. Okay.
'Have you got any?' he asked, expecting the answer 'no'.
Owner: I'll have a look, sir... nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.
Customer: It's not much of a cheese shop, is it?
Owner: Finest in the district!
Customer: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
Owner: Well, it's so clean, sir!
Customer: It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese....
Owner: (brightly) You haven't asked me about Limburger, sir.
Customer: Would it be worth it?
Owner: Could be....
Customer: Have you --SHUT THAT BLOODY BAZOUKI OFF!
Owner: Told you sir....
Customer: (slowly) Have you got any Limburger?
Owner: No.
Customer: Figures.
Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me:
Owner: Yessir?
Customer: (deliberately) Have you in fact got any cheese here at all.
Owner: Yes,sir.
Customer: Really?
(pause)
Owner: No. Not really, sir.
Customer: You haven't.
Owner: Nosir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time,sir.
Customer: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.
Owner: Right-0, sir.
The customer takes out a gun and shoots the owner.
Customer: What a senseless waste of human life.
a piece of art, that is...
fathervic (deliberately wasting your time)
Lolita Vampiriá
Sister of Mercy
The Grand Wazoo
Saeva Indignatio
Cheese = Teh Dutch
We (Dutch people) call other Dutch people "Cheese Heads" ... How do foreigners call us, besides "peasants"? p)
Nothing to do with cheese, ...really?
We (Dutch people) call other Dutch people "Cheese Heads" ... How do foreigners call us, besides "peasants"?
p)Nothing to do with cheese, ...really?
The Grand Wazoo
Saeva Indignatio
@VC: heh, cool
OMG I ran into this: u_u,,,,
404 something's wrong
you shouldnt be here
go back to where you came from
OMG I ran into this: u_u,,,,
404 something's wrong
you shouldnt be here
go back to where you came from
The Grand Wazoo
Saeva Indignatio
br000tal
Lolita Vampiriá
Sister of Mercy
***Offensive***
You know why people rice out their cars? Because it's cheaper than a hooker twice a week. And either way you get 15 year old mexicans.
You know why people rice out their cars? Because it's cheaper than a hooker twice a week. And either way you get 15 year old mexicans.
The Grand Wazoo
Saeva Indignatio
hey, this thread is still around!
- [*]Obtain Sample of Elodea[*]Place Drop of water on slide[*]Place sample of Elodea on slide on top of water[*]Place cover slip on slide[*]View sample on Light microscope under low power objective[*]Sketch Elodea cells as seen under microscope and label parts[*]View sample on Light microscope under high power objective
futile
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