fart limits
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Thorax the Herdsman
Procrastinating Fuck
I've been woken up by the sounds of my own flatulence before. Tis most odd.
One of the most memorable flatulence memories for me was the time my year at school were getting our whole year photo taken to mark us leaving school. Some fucker that day had the worse gas ever and every time the photographer got us all just about settled and silent for the pic they'd drop another one and chaos would resume once again. You can probably even see us all grimly holding our breath if you look closely at the pic...
One of the most memorable flatulence memories for me was the time my year at school were getting our whole year photo taken to mark us leaving school. Some fucker that day had the worse gas ever and every time the photographer got us all just about settled and silent for the pic they'd drop another one and chaos would resume once again. You can probably even see us all grimly holding our breath if you look closely at the pic...
Farting stories eh? 
God only knows why it was like this, but back in 4th-5th grade or whatever there was this running competition as to who could make the loudest fart. The place on honour seemed to swap on a regular basis.. but of late I seemed to be falling behind, then one day I found out why. I was in grade 2-3-4-5 composite class, with like at least 60 people in the class across all the grades. It was a fairly huge classroom, basically two tacked end to end the 4's n 5's up one end... and the 2's and 3's up the other. Anyway, half way through the day I felt a sudden 'build up' of gas and new it was my time to shine! but we'd recently discovered that the accoustics of said detonation could be improved with the use of one of the little plasic chairs that have for kiddies back in the day, especially if you can sit on the edge of it where the plastic can bend/reverberate the most. So anyway, my most distinct memories of of that time was me 'shouting' "Gimme Chair! Gimme Chair! Gimme Chair! " to the other guys, who immediately knew what I was on about.
I managed to sit down just in time, the unfortunate thing is I managed to let 'er rip right in a lull in the conversatoin across the two rooms.... not that it really mattered anyway, it would have gone over the noise of a jet engine! There was an awed silence across the entire room for an extended period of time.... with me sitting there grinning like an idiot. I was so proud!
Ahh, those were the days. *nostalgic sigh*
Needless to say I reigned supreme for a long time to come. :Smug:
God only knows why it was like this, but back in 4th-5th grade or whatever there was this running competition as to who could make the loudest fart.
The place on honour seemed to swap on a regular basis.. but of late I seemed to be falling behind, then one day I found out why. I was in grade 2-3-4-5 composite class, with like at least 60 people in the class across all the grades. It was a fairly huge classroom, basically two tacked end to end the 4's n 5's up one end... and the 2's and 3's up the other. Anyway, half way through the day I felt a sudden 'build up' of gas and new it was my time to shine! but we'd recently discovered that the accoustics of said detonation could be improved with the use of one of the little plasic chairs that have for kiddies back in the day, especially if you can sit on the edge of it where the plastic can bend/reverberate the most. So anyway, my most distinct memories of of that time was me 'shouting' "Gimme Chair! Gimme Chair! Gimme Chair! " to the other guys, who immediately knew what I was on about.I managed to sit down just in time, the unfortunate thing is I managed to let 'er rip right in a lull in the conversatoin across the two rooms.... not that it really mattered anyway, it would have gone over the noise of a jet engine!
There was an awed silence across the entire room for an extended period of time.... with me sitting there grinning like an idiot. I was so proud! Ahh, those were the days. *nostalgic sigh*
Needless to say I reigned supreme for a long time to come. :Smug:
@thorax rotflol I bet you didn´t say "cheese" then 
@Lasse ehehe I hear you man, maybe people get gases in small places as elevators, buses and store ques? it sucks wet nads though
@Lasse ehehe I hear you man, maybe people get gases in small places as elevators, buses and store ques? it sucks wet nads though
whenever i have to fart in public. . .i use the tet fart method, its foolproof.
"OK, heres what we do with Afganistan. I think you have to use the most powerful weapon we have. In this case, chemical warfare of a type never used before. And I'm talking about the Flatualant Airborne Reaction Team. F-A-R-T, FART. Now, what ya do, is you get about 50,000 of these overweight NFL football (American football) fans. We'll start with a nucleus of Giants and Jets fans, then maybe some Bills and Eagles fans, and if neccesary, some of those big fat cocksuckers who root for the teams in the NFC central; Chicago Bears fans, Green Bay Packers fans; guys who eat a lot of bratwurst. And they all have to weigh over 200 pounds. Now, ya get all these guys together, and for 30 days you feed them nothing but cheese, cabbage, and beer. For many of these men this will not be a new diet. For 30 days thats all they get. Then you drop them into Afganistan, and then you send in 3-man FART squads into every cave and tunnel and nook and cranny in Afganistan. And ya Smoke 'em out. these men will release horrendous, deadly farts; the kinda fart that could kill cancer, a fart that could eat the stiching out of Levi's, a fart that could end a marriage."
"OK, heres what we do with Afganistan. I think you have to use the most powerful weapon we have. In this case, chemical warfare of a type never used before. And I'm talking about the Flatualant Airborne Reaction Team. F-A-R-T, FART. Now, what ya do, is you get about 50,000 of these overweight NFL football (American football) fans. We'll start with a nucleus of Giants and Jets fans, then maybe some Bills and Eagles fans, and if neccesary, some of those big fat cocksuckers who root for the teams in the NFC central; Chicago Bears fans, Green Bay Packers fans; guys who eat a lot of bratwurst. And they all have to weigh over 200 pounds. Now, ya get all these guys together, and for 30 days you feed them nothing but cheese, cabbage, and beer. For many of these men this will not be a new diet. For 30 days thats all they get. Then you drop them into Afganistan, and then you send in 3-man FART squads into every cave and tunnel and nook and cranny in Afganistan. And ya Smoke 'em out. these men will release horrendous, deadly farts; the kinda fart that could kill cancer, a fart that could eat the stiching out of Levi's, a fart that could end a marriage."
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