Fridge Pack of Pepsi Possessed by a Thousand Devils??!

[Jurched]

...MAYBE!

This shit wuz weak! I'm still tryin to figure out what the fuck happened in my basement last night around 10pm.

I came down the steps and was stopped by a river of brown liquid running across the floor.

I was like, "What the fuck?! Better not be a broken sewer line!!"

Came face to face with a fridge pack of Wild Cherry Pepsi. Like five cans had burst open, and that shit had sprayed all over the floor, up the wall, on the stairs, and even onto my tools and water heater...

Sticky soda droplets were even clinging to the ceiling, like some sort of ectoplasmic snot!

I repeated, "What the fuck?!"

Just as I got out the mop to clean up this unholy mess,

PSSSSHHHT!

Another can started spraying all over the place like that scene in Nightmare on Elm Street, when that guy got sucked in the bed and was spewed all over ceiling!!

I knocked that spraying can with my mop handle, so it wouldn't rust out my gear. And

PSSSSHT!

The seventh goddamned can of possessed Pepsi attempted to baptize me in hell-cursed cherry fuckin cola!!

I got the FUCK outta there, seized a garbage bag, threw the whole muthafuckin fridge pack into the bag, and whipped that shit into the trash!!

Why my fridge pack fucked with my shit last night at 10pm is beyond me.

I'm too emotionally scarred by this cheap Exorcist remake to wonder why...

Jurched

 

[Alteredmindeath]

cool, ha ha the ghosts in your house must of been thirsty.

 

[schenkadere]

I think we have the theme for King Diamond's next release.

 

[Alteredmindeath]

King Diamond press release for album 14....entitled..."The haunting of the Pepsi poltergeist inside the dark basement of The Jurched Mansion" episode 1.

 

[Oblivious Maximus]

I think we have the theme for King Diamond's next release.

Sung in the the style of Night of the Unborn

 

[schenkadere]

Sung in the the style of Night of the Unborn

Wise ass...you know how much I hate to hear the King drunk and receiving a tabasco enema!

 

[Oblivious Maximus]

Wise ass...you know how much I hate to hear the King drunk and receiving a tabasco enema!

It was either that or Eddie Vedder singing "Pepsi cans brokennnn yeahhhehyahhhhh!"

 

[schenkadere]

It was either that or Eddie Vedder singing "Pepsi cans brokennnn yeahhhehyahhhhh!"

ooo...tough choice...there's no winner here...maybe a duet...add a Kirk Hammett guitar solo and you may have the worst song ever conceived.uke:

Oh wait...put it as a hidden track on a Fates Warning album and then you've topped it! Ha! sorry Jurched...just a joke between me and Oblivious...no offense....ha!

 

[Arg_Hamster]

ALL I WANTED WAS A PEPSI, JUST A PEPSI!

 

[schenkadere]

ALL I WANTED WAS A PEPSI, JUST A PEPSI!

Coke never would have let this happen! Oh the humanity!

 

[vomit]

...MAYBE!

This shit wuz weak! I'm still tryin to figure out what the fuck happened in my basement last night around 10pm.

I came down the steps and was stopped by a river of brown liquid running across the floor.

I was like, "What the fuck?! Better not be a broken sewer line!!"

Came face to face with a fridge pack of Wild Cherry Pepsi. Like five cans had burst open, and that shit had sprayed all over the floor, up the wall, on the stairs, and even onto my tools and water heater...

Sticky soda droplets were even clinging to the ceiling, like some sort of ectoplasmic snot!

I repeated, "What the fuck?!"

Just as I got out the mop to clean up this unholy mess,

PSSSSHHHT!

Another can started spraying all over the place like that scene in Nightmare on Elm Street, when that guy got sucked in the bed and was spewed all over ceiling!!

I knocked that spraying can with my mop handle, so it wouldn't rust out my gear. And

PSSSSHT!

The seventh goddamned can of possessed Pepsi attempted to baptize me in hell-cursed cherry fuckin cola!!

I got the FUCK outta there, seized a garbage bag, threw the whole muthafuckin fridge pack into the bag, and whipped that shit into the trash!!

Why my fridge pack fucked with my shit last night at 10pm is beyond me.

I'm too emotionally scarred by this cheap Exorcist remake to wonder why...

Jurched

Funny stuff. Funny that is, until it is YOUR basement.
Whenever stuff like this happens to me (it does, I assure you) I grab a six (or twleve pack) of Blatz and wonder why God dislikes me so much.uke:

 

[Jurched]

Funny stuff. Funny that is, until it is YOUR basement.
Whenever stuff like this happens to me (it does, I assure you) I grab a six (or twleve pack) of Blatz and wonder why God dislikes me so much.uke:

Its bad enough that my pepsi's possessed by the devil, but now I'm fighting to keep my basement from being possessed by ants! A whole jug of Mr. Clean hasn't removed that sweet smell of sucrose from the floors, walls, and ceiling. Meanwhile, a river of that shit flowed right under the workbench and I can't move that thing to mop it up...!

Still, I wonder what made em all blow up like that.

My wife suggested they're old. But I don't know if age makes em volatile.

Then she thought its because I stacked several packs on top of that one, and it blew after I took the others off it. Who knows? Soda cans are gettin' thinner by the week, thanks to cheapskate Pepsicorp.

My favourite idea is that a devil-worshipping heroine-jabber inserted several of his otherworldly friends in some packs as revenge for being shit-canned by his supervisor.

Jurched

 

[schenkadere]

Its bad enough that my pepsi's possessed by the devil, but now I'm fighting to keep my basement from being possessed by ants! A whole jug of Mr. Clean hasn't removed that sweet smell of sucrose from the floors, walls, and ceiling. Meanwhile, a river of that shit flowed right under the workbench and I can't move that thing to mop it up...!

Still, I wonder what made em all blow up like that.

My wife suggested they're old. But I don't know if age makes em volatile.

Then she thought its because I stacked several packs on top of that one, and it blew after I took the others off it. Who knows? Soda cans are gettin' thinner by the week, thanks to cheapskate Pepsicorp.

My favourite idea is that a devil-worshipping heroine-jabber inserted several of his otherworldly friends in some packs as revenge for being shit-canned by his supervisor.

Jurched

maybe the fridge packs were insulted by not actually being in the fridge...maybe it's a bizarre electromagnetic field originating from beneath your house that will eventually be the end of us all...maybe ancient aliens are buried beneath your home, thirsty aliens....or...and this is a stretch...you had a pack of faulty soda cans.

 

[Jurched]

or...and this is a stretch...you had a pack of faulty soda cans.

Nah... It was probably an unspeakably vile, evil curse.

Again.

That's like the fifth time in so many months...

Jurched

 

[vomit]

My advice: switch to Blatz. Than the thousand Devils will infest your brain and ruin your liver instead of your basement floor!

 

[Jurched]

My advice: switch to Blatz. Than the thousand Devils will infest your brain and ruin your liver instead of your basement floor!

But then I'll vomit BLATZ and pea soup all over the floor, just like little Regan (and the guy in your avatar)!

Jurched

 

[vomit]

But then I'll vomit BLATZ and pea soup all over the floor, just like little Regan (and the guy in your avatar)!

Jurched

That guy in my avatar is a strange looking duck wouldn't you say. He looks exactly like me.....hence my epithet.

 

[Evil Dead]

Maybe you live on an Indian burial ground? Maybe those indians liked coke? Maybe god was speaking to you through exploding pepsi cans?

 

[Oblivious Maximus]

ooo...tough choice...there's no winner here...maybe a duet...add a Kirk Hammett guitar solo and you may have the worst song ever conceived.uke:

What if James played rythem?

 

[vomit]

What if James played rythem?

What if the voice of the Pepsi commercials became Metallica's new singer? Think about it!! Clearly evil is at play here.