Fuckin' Chicks
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IOfTheStorm
Gogol Bordello
do you guys in usa (or where you men are from) use the saying "woman is the useless meat around pussy"?
Krilons Resa
Jerry's married?!
Why do they call the area between a woman's hips and chest a waist?
Because you could fit at least two more pairs of tits there!
Because you could fit at least two more pairs of tits there!
Krilons Resa
Jerry's married?!
Krilons Resa
Jerry's married?!
A woman walks into a supermarket and buys the following:
1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving cereal
1 single serving frozen dinner
The guy at the checkout looks at her and says, "So, you single?"
The woman replies very sarcastically, "How did you guess?"
He replies, "Because you're bloody ugly".
1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving cereal
1 single serving frozen dinner
The guy at the checkout looks at her and says, "So, you single?"
The woman replies very sarcastically, "How did you guess?"
He replies, "Because you're bloody ugly".
Krilons Resa
Jerry's married?!
Why did God create woman?
To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.
Fuckin bitches...
To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.
Fuckin bitches...
Carbonized
Hermit
- Oct 30, 2001
- 2,251
- 7
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you know what rubs me the wrong way is when they pull that double standard shit, it's ok for them to do some things but when you do it, watch out there'll be hell to pay. that shit drives me up the damn wall. I've had it done to me before but i'll be damned if i'll put up with that kind of behavior these days. btw nice jokes BSW 
i needed something to brighten me up a little.
i needed something to brighten me up a little.
JayKeeley
Be still, O wand'rer!
Hehehehehe....that one's brilliant. Keep 'em coming!BloodStainedWalls said:How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
Krilons Resa
Jerry's married?!
My pleasure...
[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women? [/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them. [/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Q. Why do women close their eyes during sex? [/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A. They can't stand to see a man have a good time. [/font]
This husband and wife are staying in a hotel, and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed.
However, as soon as they settled down, the man leans over and whispers softly, "Hey snuggle boopy boops, your lickle hubby wubby isn't quite ready for bye-byes yet."
The wife takes the hint and says, "OK, but I have to use the bathroom first."
So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face. Her husband jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone "Oh my little honey bunny, is your nosey-wosey all right?"
No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate sex for three hours. Afterwards, the wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor.
Her husband looks over and grunts "Clumsy bitch."
[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women? [/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them. [/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Q. Why do women close their eyes during sex? [/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A. They can't stand to see a man have a good time. [/font]
This husband and wife are staying in a hotel, and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed.
However, as soon as they settled down, the man leans over and whispers softly, "Hey snuggle boopy boops, your lickle hubby wubby isn't quite ready for bye-byes yet."
The wife takes the hint and says, "OK, but I have to use the bathroom first."
So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face. Her husband jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone "Oh my little honey bunny, is your nosey-wosey all right?"
No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate sex for three hours. Afterwards, the wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor.
Her husband looks over and grunts "Clumsy bitch."
Krilons Resa
Jerry's married?!
The train was travelling along when a beautiful young woman entered the compartment which was deserted except for a businessman reading his paper.
The man peered over his paper and asked "Would you let me fuck you for a dollar?"
"Certainly not!" exclaimed the young woman, and the businessman returned to his paper.
A short while later he looked across again and said "Would you let me fuck you for a million dollars?"
After a brief pause, the woman replied "yes, I suppose I would." Again the man returned to his newspaper.
A few minutes later the man asked "Would you let me fuck you for five dollars?"
"Certainly not!" replied the young woman, getting angry now "What kind of girl do you take me for?"
"We've already established that" replied the man, "We're just haggling over the price!"
The man peered over his paper and asked "Would you let me fuck you for a dollar?"
"Certainly not!" exclaimed the young woman, and the businessman returned to his paper.
A short while later he looked across again and said "Would you let me fuck you for a million dollars?"
After a brief pause, the woman replied "yes, I suppose I would." Again the man returned to his newspaper.
A few minutes later the man asked "Would you let me fuck you for five dollars?"
"Certainly not!" replied the young woman, getting angry now "What kind of girl do you take me for?"
"We've already established that" replied the man, "We're just haggling over the price!"
Krilons Resa
Jerry's married?!
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
11 - 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it...
How many divorced Women does it take to screw in a light bulb?
4,1 to screw in the bulb, 3 to form a support group.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
What do you do if your dishwasher breaks down?
Kick her where the sun don't shine.
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
The Ages Of Women
1. Between the ages of 16 and 18, she is like Africa, virgin and unexplored.
2. Between the ages of 19 and 35, she is like Asia, hot and exotic.
3. Between the ages of 36 and 45, she is like America, fully explored, breathtakingly beautiful, and free with her resources.
4. Between the ages of 46 and 56, she is like Europe, exhausted but still has points of interest.
5. After 56 she is like Australia, everybody knows it's down there but who gives a damn?
11 - 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it...
How many divorced Women does it take to screw in a light bulb?
4,1 to screw in the bulb, 3 to form a support group.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
What do you do if your dishwasher breaks down?
Kick her where the sun don't shine.
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
The Ages Of Women
1. Between the ages of 16 and 18, she is like Africa, virgin and unexplored.
2. Between the ages of 19 and 35, she is like Asia, hot and exotic.
3. Between the ages of 36 and 45, she is like America, fully explored, breathtakingly beautiful, and free with her resources.
4. Between the ages of 46 and 56, she is like Europe, exhausted but still has points of interest.
5. After 56 she is like Australia, everybody knows it's down there but who gives a damn?
Krilons Resa
Jerry's married?!
A Letter from Men to Women
To all women,
On behalf of all men I would like to clarify a few points:
From all men.
To all women,
On behalf of all men I would like to clarify a few points:
- The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location.
- Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come home with the wrong thing.
- When watching TV hugging is always fine because I can still see the screen. Kissing should only be done during timeouts and commercials. Questions should also be limited to this period as you stand a much better chance of getting an immediate response.
- When we are watching your show and I change the channels during a commercial do not hassle me that they are over to change the channel back. I always know when the timing is right. Also, when we are channel surfing do not ask me to go back, there was a good reason why I skipped it.
- If you need help with the laundry, I am more than willing to carry it from the bedroom to the washer. In my mind this is half the chore and I am now free to return to the couch.
- If I mention that a male friend of mine is allowed to do something it is not necessary for you to call his wife/girlfriend to discuss it.
- If you don't like the way I am driving close your eyes. And I would appreciate it if you would refrain from making that reverse inhaling alarmed noise. I haven't hit anything yet and if I do it will be your fault.
- I go clothes shopping to buy, never to look.
- Just tell me what you want me to wear before I get dressed. And remember that this takes me less than ten minutes no matter what the occasion is. After all I am getting dressed, not getting ready.
- Don't ask me if I prefer one outfit over another or if a certain accessory should be worn or not. I consider this a no win situation and would rather just wait for you to get dressed while watching TV.
- If you want me to put the seat down when I am finished then you should leave the seat up when you are finished. It's only fair. And stop giving me a hard time about missing the bowl. What do you expect from an organ that has a brain of its own.
- I will cook anything as long as it is on the BBQ.
- Yelling to me across the house sounds exactly like stadium crowd background noise to me. I am not ignoring you.
From all men.
Krilons Resa
Jerry's married?!
Black Winter Day
Member
Krilons Resa
Jerry's married?!
Black Winter Day
Member
Krilons Resa
Jerry's married?!
If (more like when) I pissed on the seat and my ex-girlfriend would sit on it, she'd wipe it off using my bath towel. Cracked me up because I didn't care about getting piss on my towel anyhow, and she thought she was enacting revenge on me.BloodStainedWalls said:
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The
sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He
answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She
directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he
deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons
for your wife?
He answers, "You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the
store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back
with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooooooooooo
much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own . so
does she."
