Heathen Crusade stories I LOVE YOU ALL!

Reign in Acai

Of Elephant and Man
Jun 25, 2003
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Favela of My Dismay
A couple good stories I would like to share with you all.

Before Heathen Crusade on Friday, Jason and Ali called us up and wanted to know if we would like to accompany them to Mystic Lake Casino. Being the squares that we are, we turned them down and invited them in kind to our excursion of Art appreciation at the "Swedish Institute of the blonde and beautiful" in the heart of negarville MN. On the way to this wholesome event we were met by a brutally disgusting negar whose nature beckons the noose that his housed in the black shed where the white men reign. Well to make a long story short, this cunt pulls up to us at a red light and rolls down his window with his prehensile limb. Thinking that he was merely going to ask for directions I rolled my window in turn to help this monkey who fell from the densely concentrated forest in which he dangles.

:Negar: Hey mon, yo cut me off back der!
:KindWholesomeRIA: Oh bro I didn't see you, I do apologize

This is where the negar goes in to a rant and doesn't accept my apology.

The fucking negar then drives off as we cruise alongside him. BTW Abraham Lincoln I fucking hate you!!!

We lock eyes and he eyefucks me as if I'm a slab of liver dressed in onions. I proceed to wave my hands in the air in a wtf motion. He then gestures to pull on over to the side of the road where I pull right up beside him with wreckless abandon fto the traffic behind me.

He exits his vehicle all the while with his knuckles dragging against the sleet layered concrete. The coon's arms were so long he made a snowball with his wrists.

Negar: Let me give you a warning, you should be really careful about what "bruthas" you cut off in this area, yo could very well wind up with a cap in yo ass, I jus wannabee help yo out with that fair warning.

I in turn point out that I apologized to the son of a shit but he failed to accept my apology. I also point out that the threat of violence is how his people deal with issues. This was after the fact that he pulls the race card and says.

"Why can;t yo people respect the black man?!? Yo guys jus walk over us like we are not human beings."

Oh fucking brother.

He also didn't care for the fact that I generously used the word "fuck" in his presence.

Something about me not being civilized.

Long story short, St Paul has the filthiest negars on the planet. A hypothesis that was solidified by a beer run the night before, that had me hob knobbing with several St Paulie Panthers in a Fill-In Station of the simian dimension.


Story number 2 will continue right after a bowl of cereal.
 
Flash Forward to the end of night two. Right after a brilliant performance by Obtest, Brandon and I thought it was a brilliant idea to leave the venue and wonder aimlessly in MN in search for a liquor store. Apparently 5 cases of beer in the trunk of our rental just wasn't enough booze. So we wind up going back near the hotel all the while missing the first half of skyforger's set, which I heard was excellent. When we return back to the venue empty handed as MN has some stupid law where they cease selling beer at 9-10 o'clock, I immediately went to the parking lot and crashed out... my night was done! Or so I thought, an hour passes and I'm cozily asleep with the heater blasting and hazard lights blinking, warning any and all sober persons to remain 50 feet away from the vehicle. Low and behold here come Jason and Climb Thar pounding on the window of the car.

The following is an excerpt from the most idiotic conversation ever to transpire.

Me: Ready to go
Jason: Nah bro we can't let you drive, come with us on the shuttle.
Me: Trust me I can drive, I haven't had a drink in an hour.
Mike: Dude just come with us.
Me: I'm sober I know all of your lasts names. (I then proceed to repeat Mike's last name, his gf's last name, and tell Jason that his name sounds if it is Polish)
Jason: Yes that's great, we know that you can drive, just do us a favor and come with us.
Me: Let me prove that I can drive by pulling up to the curb of the street.

Note* That this exchange went on for about 10 minutes in 16 degree weather with them wearing nothing more than short sleeved shirts.

They eventually gave up and took the shuttle home after waiting an additional 30 minutes as the tour driver felt as if it was a good idea to take everyone back to the hotel via the scenic route to show off the beauty that was St. Paul. I myself was long tucked away in bed by that time. :lol:


Coming up a second hand retold story of Rudra go to White Castle. :kickass:
 
So this story was passed on to me by Ali. Apparently on Friday the members of Rudra were fucking starving. Hearing that there was a 24 hour white castle within a mile radius, they trekked through freezing snow to feast on bread and 1 millimeter thick beef leave-ins. With the thought of experiencing an American hamburger embedded deep in their bellies they reached the drive-in window. Turns out that if you want service, you need to show up with an automobile. Regardless if the case involves being a half a dozen starving tourists toughening out 15 degree weather at 2am without another soul waiting at the window. They had to make due and settle for chips and pretzles at the local quickie mart.

I would also like to note that Rudra are the finest human beings I have ever had the pleasure in meeting. Sing-A-Pore indeed!!!


On another food related note. I turned the lead singer of Mael Mordha on to Sloppy Joe's. After purchasing a couple at the venue to soak the vast quanitity of alcohol that was the sea to my intestinal tract, I ran in to the viking of a man that is the voice of Ireland. He was a little hesitant at a taking a bite at first, but then came up to me 10 minutes later with a sloppy joe in hand and thanked me on showing him a side of american culture he will never forget!!
 
Flash Forward to the end of night two. Right after a brilliant performance by Obtest, Brandon and I thought it was a brilliant idea to leave the venue and wonder aimlessly in MN in search for a liquor store.....When we return back to the venue empty handed as MN has some stupid law where they cease selling beer at 9-10 o'clock

Yeah, I gave you $20 for them shitz. :tickled:

They eventually gave up and took the shuttle home after waiting an additional 30 minutes as the tour driver felt as if it was a good idea to take everyone back to the hotel via the scenic route to show off the beauty that was St. Paul. I myself was long tucked away in bed by that time. :lol:

I was wiped too. All that beer we bought earlier needed to find a good home. At one point, Mike was suggesting we just leave it in the hallway. :tickled: Hopefully, Gridlock, TheGreatDeceiver, Swizzlefoshizzle etc drowned themselves in my Becks. :kickass:
 
Yeah, I gave you $20 for them shitz. :tickled:



I was wiped too. All that beer we bought earlier needed to find a good home. At one point, Mike was suggesting we just leave it in the hallway. :tickled: Hopefully, Gridlock, TheGreatDeceiver, Swizzlefoshizzle etc drowned themselves in my Becks. :kickass:

Those faggots went to bed too, so the beer is sitting at my place last night.
 
So how many people here have stayed in a hotel room, only to find a pair of used panties in their bed during the middle of the night?

:lol:

I woke up on Friday morning to find a pair of cotton panties sitting on the floor between our beds! I was like, wtf? Apparently, Jason woke up in the middle of the night to find these used knickers wrapped around his ankle.

Or so the story goes. :loco:
 
He exits his vehicle all the while with his knuckles dragging against the sleet layered concrete. The coon's arms were so long he made a snowball with his wrists.

I laughed so hard at this. :lol:

I love HC, if only for the glorious stories it brings to this place.