How do you tell the girlfriends to STOP coming to your bands shows?

[bryan_kilco]

For the past how many years, my band has been driving 3, 4, sometimes 5 vehicles to our shows. Packed with all our gear and us, and usually at least 2/4 girlfriends and any other friends who wanted to tag along.

We just bought a van, finally. All we need is a bench seat and we'll be able to fit all 5 of us and our gear. Now comes the shit....it appears that some of the girlfriends will still want to come with us, but not have to drive separately. I've been trying to think of a nice way to tell some of the other guys "Hey, if your women didn't come along, we wouldn't have to take an extra vehicle. Most of our shows are within 2 hours of home, so far, so it's not like we're traveling around the country, but still. I don't want to be fucking crammed in the back of that thing. 3 on a bench seat is already going to be tight.

Yes - it's great that they want to come out and show their support, but it's not like these are our first shows ever. We've been at this for years. Do you draw a line somewhere? Let them keep tagging along? Eventually when we start touring, I can totally see how at least 1 of them will want to come along, and I think that's just full retard. Am I alone in this? Is this a totally pointless thread?

 

[Behind]

I think that it's important to draw a line on what is a gig for you first. Is it work or party time?

In my case, it's one of my jobs. This means that costs should be minimum in order to have some prophits. If that is your case, I believe that your girlfriend would understand that.

If gigs are party time for you and your bandmates, then that's another story. If you have that kind of relationship where you hang out always with your couple, you won't have enough arguments to tell your girlfriend "do not come to my party time". She is going to feel like you do not want to hang out with her anymore and that's a fucking problem.

 

[bryan_kilco]

I wouldn't consider it "party time" until after the show is over, but yeah, we do enjoy some beers before we play. I think the biggest "problem" is that the females may not trust their men being away at a bar? Idk, my girlfriend stopped coming to our practices and shows months ago and I don't blame her and I also honestly don't mind her not being there.

I consider it a secondary job, but we lose more $ than we make. So, therefore, it's kind of an expensive hobby to me. My band actually got into a little argument over this recently. I have to leave the state for a few weeks for work and I'm going to miss a show. This causes fights sometimes and apparently they don't understand my side of things. Until the band pays my bills, I have to take these jobs (which pay amazing, by the way....in 1 day I make about what I would normally make in 1 week). One member says "happiness over money any day of the week" and I say "can't pay rent/bills/buy band gear/put gas in the vehicle to get to the shows when you don't have money."

Ok, now that I've gone off onto a slightly different subject, I'll stop here.

 

[JeffTD]

my girlfriend stopped coming to our practices

What in the hell is she doing at practices in the first place?

 

[Loren Littlejohn]

I've never had this problem. I've had band mates with this problem, but I somehow have avoided it.

Maybe it's because I'm not into metal chicks, I don't know. My wife has her B.A. in vocal performance, specifically opera shit and listens to country. I don't think we could be any further apart music wise if we tried.

 

[ArthurD]

Just speak in a calm an assertive way. Go straight.
They don't have to argue. It is what it is.

And

What in the hell is she doing at practices in the first place?

 

[Plendakor]

Girls...

I was with a band and our gfs would come all the time during rehearsals + invited females for the not-so-charmer other guys of the band. It was cool but damn, we've never been productive. That band had so much commercial potencial, it's insane (more rock with a few ballads than metal). If I look back, they're still where I left them 5 years ago. Never played a show. To the point where I'm thinking of recording their material myself and contact the singer and charge them a full prod one day but that's another story.

Next band I got after, a real metal band. Every dude got a gf/wife. Steady jams ; every sunday. Never saw a gf there. Great jams, focused, pro and still having a blast and 2-3 beers. I left them because of schedule issues and my personal projects but damn, I tasted a bit of professionalism and it was great (played a show with em too).

Speaks for itself IMO

 

[Clockwork]

I think it's a safe bet that if they are over the age of 18 and they are coming to every show then they probably have trust issues and are not there for the jams. Not sure there is a whole lot you can do about it without people fighting though and that's the rough part. :/

 

[kev]

I remember this. One time we travelled 2 hours to a show and the girls were the only ones who came

 

[B36arin]

Rule number one - no girlfriends on tour.

I'm the only single guy in my band(might be a reason for that haha), but when we go somewhere to play everybody needs to be focused on the show. No drinking before showtime and definitely no girlfriends distracting the band members. They're welcome to come to the shows, of course, but the kind of situation you're describing would seriously piss me off. Thankfully we all agree on that issue, if there's no space in the car the girlfriends will have to figure something out for themselves.

 

[Nebulous]

I think I may encounter the same issue with my wife one day.
I'm not in a band now, but trying to get a project going, and everytime the subject of playing shows interstate or internationally (if it ever got to that point) the wife always says she would want to tag along....

 

[Melb_shredder]

My girlfriend comes to our local shows and genuinely supports us as a punter as well as a significant other. But.. when it comes to band prac or interstate shows... It's a no no. Like most of the guys here said, it's a job or it's a party. But for me, this is a job (in approach and execution) so girlfriends are usually left at home unless they're committing to carrying gear and being merch/ lighting etc

 

[bryan_kilco]

Well, as for the females coming to practice - they weren't sitting in the same room with us. They hang out elsewhere and find stuff to do while we focus on our shit.

One of the members has no licence at the moment so his woman is his ride basically everywhere.

I feel almost wrong for bringing something like this up in the first place, but also I want our band to be us 5 dudes rolling up with our gear and get at it. Hate distractions, even though they are at a minimum at shows and rehearsal.

 

[StefTD]

My gf (and the gfs of all the other dudes) came to some of the local shows, but that's it. We once rehearsed and the gf of our drummer
and lead guitar player visited, but that day was more like a party at our rehearsal space, so it doesn't count, we were high as shit

Besides that, band members only almost always, for shows, help us or leave.

 

[narcossintese]

I just wish you good luck because you're going to need it. No rational argument will be able to prevent the shitstorm that may come your way when dealing with this subject.
Every single day we have to deny VIP access to band members girlfriends on our venue. It's kind easy for us as we don't have any commitments with them, but I could write a book about all the crazy drama that we've seen with angry/jealous girlfriends there. My only advice is to keep your guitar somewhere safe when touching this subject.

 

[HeadCrusher]

At some point I figured if I ever ran a pro studio I'd post something like this.

Now that I think about it I should probably post it backstage at the club.

 

[Plendakor]

Is that Yoko ?

 

[HeadCrusher]

Of course.

I've had to deal with a fair share of these. Nothing better than when they tell you how their BFs take was perfect or how they can't hear here singer BF at a live show or whatnot. Reminds me how I hate humans.

 

[Loren Littlejohn]

Shit I had ONE dude bring his girlfriend with him to the studio.

NEVER FUCKING AGAIN.

Even with all the space I have now, no fucking thank you.

 

[Potshot]

I have always, and will always enforce a no girlfriends at the studio rule. And at jam? Fuck that noise! Doesn't bother me if they come to local gigs, but tour is another matter entirely.