Just for a laugh 
, how metal is the average anathema fan nowadays?
Take the test!
How metal are you?
2. Your in HMV, and two little kids pick up a linkin park cd and talk enthusiasticaly about it, do you?
A. Shake your chains a bit, spike your hair and go tell em how linkin park are the best death metal band about and that they re are sic shit, and highly talented and original.
3. Your walking down the street and a guy in a Manowar \m/ top walks towards you, do you?
A. go up and tell him hes old and sad and that linkin park are the best heavy metal band
B. Laugh to yourself, thinking about mullets
C. Think fuckin cool, a tr00 metalhead, if he looks your way you will nod to him.
D. Run up to him holding high falsetto note screaming mettttaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllll, fall to your knees before him, arms across, chest in ludicrous heavy metal pose, and hail him as a true brother of metal, and ask him to join you in drinking heavy metal beers!
4. Your in the pub, I guy obviously no more than 16 years old in clown troursers and a slipknot top comes up to you and goes, youre a metalhead, cool, you like slipknot, they re sic man? Do you
A. Go Fuck yeah dude, they re da shit man innit, they da sic fucks man, they re the definitive black metal band, and tell him youre a long term metal fan, and got in to metal when the first Linkin park album came out. Way back in 01
B. Smile , say yeah cool, then ignore him.
C. Laugh, explain how you are a metal head and therefore do not listen to slipknot explain about how lame they are and then recommend him a few metal albums he may like, get his address so you can send him some copies, then ask him to do you a favour and guard your pint, then go and tell the barman that there is a child in the pub and get him thrown out.
D. Tell him on no uncertain terms that he is a trendie arsehole and not fit to speak to you, abuse his dress sense, clown trousers, dickhead haircut etc, ask him where he parked his skateboard, keep going till hes in tears then tell him to get his arse out of your pub cos hes making your heavy metal pint go off, with the wreak of his hair gel, explain he doesnt like metal, therefore not your friend, then escort him to the door and tell him to come back in 6 years time when hes old enough to drink
5, Its chucking out time, you have a nearly full bottle of heavy metal beer you just bought, your too bloated to down it, you cant take it out with you, Do you?
A. It will never happen cos you dont like beer, and your not old enough to drink or be in a pub.
B. leave it on the table and accept that its a waste of good beer, but never mind
C. offer it someone else who looks like they might enjoy downing it
D. Hold it up in the air at arms length, look up, scream in a high voice, throw the horns with the other hand, face up, wait till everyone in the pub is staring at you then yell, Death to false metal, then still holding it at arms length, pour it all over your hair, face, into your mouth so it sprays out everywhere, let it run all down your body so your fuckin soaked in it, shake your hair so it flies even further, then yell Manowar, yeah, slam the bottle down then leave before the huge hulking bouncer beats the hell out of you .
Mostly A s you are a false metal, furby faced keychain clown, with no knowledge at all of rock or metal music, you should write for kerrang.
Mostly B s, you seem nice enough, a bit boring though
Mostly C s, A real metaller, and a nice guy all in one! \m/
Mostly D s, A tr00 Manowarrior, the life and soul of the party always fun to be with, and more than a little embarrassing to be with
, how metal is the average anathema fan nowadays?Take the test!
How metal are you?
- Do you have long hair?
- No I prefere my hair to be short and spiky with lots of gel, I think Wayne Static looks sic man
- No, I like it neat and tidy
- Yeah but its a bit of a mess and I dont find this relevant.
- Of course, fuck all them false metal wankers with there dickhead haircuts, im a real man
2. Your in HMV, and two little kids pick up a linkin park cd and talk enthusiasticaly about it, do you?
A. Shake your chains a bit, spike your hair and go tell em how linkin park are the best death metal band about and that they re are sic shit, and highly talented and original.
- Smile to yourself and ignore them
- Go over, politely explain that they really are nothing special and point them towards the Entombed cds
- Laugh out loud, shake your head, mutter false metal wankers, clown trousers, loudly . And tell em to fuck off back to school then barge past em knocking them over!
3. Your walking down the street and a guy in a Manowar \m/ top walks towards you, do you?
A. go up and tell him hes old and sad and that linkin park are the best heavy metal band
B. Laugh to yourself, thinking about mullets
C. Think fuckin cool, a tr00 metalhead, if he looks your way you will nod to him.
D. Run up to him holding high falsetto note screaming mettttaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllll, fall to your knees before him, arms across, chest in ludicrous heavy metal pose, and hail him as a true brother of metal, and ask him to join you in drinking heavy metal beers!
4. Your in the pub, I guy obviously no more than 16 years old in clown troursers and a slipknot top comes up to you and goes, youre a metalhead, cool, you like slipknot, they re sic man? Do you
A. Go Fuck yeah dude, they re da shit man innit, they da sic fucks man, they re the definitive black metal band, and tell him youre a long term metal fan, and got in to metal when the first Linkin park album came out. Way back in 01
B. Smile , say yeah cool, then ignore him.
C. Laugh, explain how you are a metal head and therefore do not listen to slipknot explain about how lame they are and then recommend him a few metal albums he may like, get his address so you can send him some copies, then ask him to do you a favour and guard your pint, then go and tell the barman that there is a child in the pub and get him thrown out.
D. Tell him on no uncertain terms that he is a trendie arsehole and not fit to speak to you, abuse his dress sense, clown trousers, dickhead haircut etc, ask him where he parked his skateboard, keep going till hes in tears then tell him to get his arse out of your pub cos hes making your heavy metal pint go off, with the wreak of his hair gel, explain he doesnt like metal, therefore not your friend, then escort him to the door and tell him to come back in 6 years time when hes old enough to drink
5, Its chucking out time, you have a nearly full bottle of heavy metal beer you just bought, your too bloated to down it, you cant take it out with you, Do you?
A. It will never happen cos you dont like beer, and your not old enough to drink or be in a pub.
B. leave it on the table and accept that its a waste of good beer, but never mind
C. offer it someone else who looks like they might enjoy downing it
D. Hold it up in the air at arms length, look up, scream in a high voice, throw the horns with the other hand, face up, wait till everyone in the pub is staring at you then yell, Death to false metal, then still holding it at arms length, pour it all over your hair, face, into your mouth so it sprays out everywhere, let it run all down your body so your fuckin soaked in it, shake your hair so it flies even further, then yell Manowar, yeah, slam the bottle down then leave before the huge hulking bouncer beats the hell out of you .
Mostly A s you are a false metal, furby faced keychain clown, with no knowledge at all of rock or metal music, you should write for kerrang.
Mostly B s, you seem nice enough, a bit boring though
Mostly C s, A real metaller, and a nice guy all in one! \m/
Mostly D s, A tr00 Manowarrior, the life and soul of the party always fun to be with, and more than a little embarrassing to be with
