how to shower like a woman/man

[Mariner]

How to Shower Like a Woman

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper
according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband
along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do
more sit-ups.
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red
9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair.
11. Shave armpits and legs.
12. Turn off shower.
13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.
16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


How To Shower Like a Man

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
3. Look in the mirror, look at your wiener and scratch your behind.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Wash your face.
6. Wash your armpits.
7. Blow your nose in your hands an! d let the water rinse them off.
8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your behind, leaving those coarse behind hairs stuck on the soap.
11. Shampoo your hair.
12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pee.
14. Rinse off and get out of shower.
15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass
wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo- woo' sound again. 19. Throw wet towel on bed.


Still... I wonder where the 'jerking off' goes... anyway

 

[Bastet]

hehe! yeah, i recognise some things there!

 

[blackeyed]

cant say i relate to the woman showering but deffinately the man showering hahahaha, replacing weiner with 'breasticles'

 

[Alwin]

jerking off should go between 13 and 14, since peeing after jerking off can take a while and jerking off after getting out of the shower makes no sense (men like warm wet places)

 

[nomana-nuniyan]

This is how I shower::::


How To Shower Like a Girl

1. Take off clothes in bedroom and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see husband along the way, shake boobs at him making the breathy 'ahhmmm, yeah' sound. Show him your pussy.
3. Look in the mirror, look at your boobs, nice ass, and hair length, scratch your pussy. 4. Get in the shower.
5. Wash your face.
6. Wash your armpits; shave armpits and legs.
7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
9. Spend majority of time washing privates and boobs and surrounding area.
10. Wash your behind.
11. Shampoo your hair.
12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pee.
14. Rinse off and get out of shower.
15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
16. Admire boob size, nice ass, pelvic bones, and hair in mirror again.
17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
18. Return to bedroom naked. If you pass
husband, flip hair and show ass, boobs, and pussy to him and make the breathy 'aahhmmm, yeah' sound again.

 

[_Lenore_.]

8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.

...you do think is good for one lady behuvior?
...in Greece not one lady for this...

 

[blackeyed]

This is how I shower::::


How To Shower Like a Girl

1. Take off clothes in bedroom and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see husband along the way, shake boobs at him making the breathy 'ahhmmm, yeah' sound. Show him your pussy.
3. Look in the mirror, look at your boobs, nice ass, and hair length, scratch your pussy. 4. Get in the shower.
5. Wash your face.
6. Wash your armpits; shave armpits and legs.
7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
9. Spend majority of time washing privates and boobs and surrounding area.
10. Wash your behind.
11. Shampoo your hair.
12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pee.
14. Rinse off and get out of shower.
15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
16. Admire boob size, nice ass, pelvic bones, and hair in mirror again.
17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
18. Return to bedroom naked. If you pass
husband, flip hair and show ass, boobs, and pussy to him and make the breathy 'aahhmmm, yeah' sound again.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH quality

 

[Don Corleone]

This is how I shower::::


How To Shower Like a Girl

1. Take off clothes in bedroom and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see husband along the way, shake boobs at him making the breathy 'ahhmmm, yeah' sound. Show him your pussy.
3. Look in the mirror, look at your boobs, nice ass, and hair length, scratch your pussy. 4. Get in the shower.
5. Wash your face.
6. Wash your armpits; shave armpits and legs.
7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
9. Spend majority of time washing privates and boobs and surrounding area.
10. Wash your behind.
11. Shampoo your hair.
12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pee.
14. Rinse off and get out of shower.
15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
16. Admire boob size, nice ass, pelvic bones, and hair in mirror again.
17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
18. Return to bedroom naked. If you pass
husband, flip hair and show ass, boobs, and pussy to him and make the breathy 'aahhmmm, yeah' sound again.

hey when does the husband come into the picture?

 

[marginalé]

16. Admire boob size, nice ass, pelvic bones, and hair in mirror again.
.

picture!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Keith_Sweat]

whoah! you girls rock!!!

 

[Thorax the Herdsman]

This is all good

 

[Achernar]

60 Things Not to Say to a Naked Guy

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?

 

[rafael]

I bet you can come up with more if you'd want to

 

[nomana-nuniyan]

...you do think is good for one lady behuvior?
...in Greece not one lady for this...

Yes, I think it's good. I'm an american, remember?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH quality

55. Where are the puppet strings?

?

 

[Achernar]

I just pasted it. It wasn't me who made that up.

 

[Alwin]

I just pasted it. It wasn't me who made that up.

still, this does not take away the impression that you're trying to tell us something personal...

 

[Achernar]

Yeah. I admit. I saw you naked.

 

[Feanor IV]

nice thread

 

[marginalé]

 

[MoonsOfJupiter]

@nomana-nuniyan: I don't act like a lady either!