- May 9, 2006
- 1,808
- 0
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So guys,
A couple months ago, after my father-in-law died, my wife's sister/aunt (well, she's her aunt, but my wife 'father' was actually her grandfather, so technically it is her sister) had a conversation with my wife that she was worried about her mother being alone at the house they live in. It is a HUGE house, and only my wife's aunt/sister and mother live in there. The former works most of the day, so basically the old lady is all by herself along with a couple house keepers they have in there most of the day. So she made a proposal: right now, we live in a 5 house condo that belongs to my wife's family. The sister/aunt is gonna rebuild the whole house they live in and we would move in there and our bedroom would be the one my father-in-law passed away (!!!!! this is just a detail to make it more colorful. I am trying to ignore this item). We wouldn't need to pay electric bill, water bill, supermarket bill, and it is possible my wife would keep the rent from the place we live now. We'd also have someone from the family with eyes on our daughters most of the time, and we'd have someone to stay with them when we needed to go out. No brainer, huh? I forgot, I'd also have a space to build my home studio, almost from the ground up and we'd have a garage (my car currently stays outside).
Basically, we'd save tons of money, have less worries, blah blah blah.
The thing is, I don't get real along with the sister/aunt. I have nothing against her, actually I think she's a nice person, she thinks the same about me, but we just collide. She is kinda of a control freak and we had huge disagreements many times. She likes to give unasked opinions for EVERYTHING, including how we raise our daughters (those who have kids know how annoying family input can be at times). This really REALLY R-E-A-L-L-Y pisses me off. Also, I am a quiet guy. I like to get home after I work, be just on my underpants, maybe crap with the door open, eat my dinner and watch soap opera with my family. Quietly. I really really REALLY dislike seeing outside people everyday (including my own family. I live like 3min from my mom's and I avoid going there frequently) and they unite like...EVERYDAY. People go there to lunch, to hang out, to..whatever. I need my space, you know? Not physical space, but intellectual space. MY space (which includes my family, of course). I get really irritated if I don't have this. I also think this will disrupt our privacy completely. I like to fuck on the sofa if I want to, I like to have my balls hanging on my underpants. I'd like to have the fights i have with my wife without everyone think 'huh, they're fighting'. And my wife fights loud.
Despite knowing this, my wife think those things are thing that we can deal with. I really agree with all the pros, it would be great to have the things I told before, but I don't know if I can handle a) living in a place that isn't mine, after living for four years on my own home b) dealing with people I don't get real along daily c) living in a place I can't be/feel/stay quiet.
I know it may be very selfish, but I think we were leaning towards staying here. We were agreeing on some stuff to make the house better, like increasing the size of our bedroom, maybe adding a 2nd bathroom on the upper floor (we don't have money for that, though. See the issue? eheh). I think on the long run, it will be healthier to stay were we are, because my wife constantly feels upset at how 'quiet' or 'not nice' I am to her family. But I am just a quiet guy (and over the years, smiling has been harder and harder. Not the product of being sad or anything - smiles just don't come easy, so most of the time I look angry or something, as she says).
Also, they have a lot of animals in there. Cats (like 8), dogs (2 annoying pinchers), turtles, chicken, ducks, turkeys. Yeah, no kidding. I am allergic as fuck, so do both my daughters. I dont need to say I feel sick when going there. Zoe is doing an allergy/asthma treatment that is like $150/mo, so we'd have one more problem to deal with.
Anyway, like I said, I feel we were leaning towards staying here. But, strangely, we (actually, my wife) were missing things from our home. A couple of children spoons and cups, a couple of forks. A plate. And some money disappeared twice. First, it was around $60 my father-in-law gave Zoe sometime before he died. My wife kept it inside her purse and BAM, it disappeared. Now, A small wallet were my wife kept some stuff and had inside $60 to pay Alice's health insurance plan disappeared. We have two people working at home: one nanny, which stays with the girls, and one house keeper that cleans the house, cooks, do laundry (don't think I am a rich motherfucker. This is usual in Brazil). Going backwards one year, this nanny was the one who arrived late the day my house was robbed. Despite this, she is 'trusty' - has worked at my parents' for around 5 years and nothing ever happened.
The house keeper works here for around 11 months. She's kinda weird: she loves to show off. For example, Alice's godfather gave the kids a 32 inch LCD TV. OK, he earns like $2k/mo. She went out a bought a 42 inch TV for her daughter. She earns like $200, her husband sells pirated DVDs, and how the fuck she's gonna pay $100/mo for a TV?
A couple of times, some issues happened with her too. The woman who lives by the next house must have smoked some dope and left the rent money with her a couple of times. God knows why. The first time, around $20 was missing - she said she never saw the money. The second time, my wife's brother-in-law went here to get the money, and $50 was missing. She was like 'Ooops, there's $50 more on my pocket'. Weird.
To make a long story short, it is probably one of them that is stealing stuff, but we don't have any proof. In the end, we won't trust them anymore and for the umpteenth time (I won't tell the issues we already had with this kind of people. Just to name one, Zoe was left all by herself by one of those crazy nannies when she was 2yo) we will end up needing to hire someone else. We can't stay without anyone, because then, our house will be an easy target to broke in. And my wife will put pressure on me again to move there.
I really dont know what to do (I actually know..). The facts tell me to suck it up, and deal with whatever I gotta deal. But I know myself and there will be times I won't swallow anything (did I tell my wife behaves differently when close to her family?) and then there will be issues. I am really not a easy guy to deal with, but I know those issues I told aren't bullshit at all. I will REALLY miss having MY home, and this will not be the care for the near future. Not until my mother-in-law passes away and the sister/aunt..whatever. I don't know how the hell she would move out ehhe She really wouldn't. So unless we win the lotto or something, we'd be stuck in there for the next 20/30 years (I am not sure if my wife wont dump me before that, tho').
After this long read, do you have anything to say and help me clarify my mind? I really don't want to be the selfish motherfucker on this one. I am trying to work something out inside myself, but I am really not sure of what.
btw, that house freaks me out.
Cheers and sorry for the long read,
Ivan
A couple months ago, after my father-in-law died, my wife's sister/aunt (well, she's her aunt, but my wife 'father' was actually her grandfather, so technically it is her sister) had a conversation with my wife that she was worried about her mother being alone at the house they live in. It is a HUGE house, and only my wife's aunt/sister and mother live in there. The former works most of the day, so basically the old lady is all by herself along with a couple house keepers they have in there most of the day. So she made a proposal: right now, we live in a 5 house condo that belongs to my wife's family. The sister/aunt is gonna rebuild the whole house they live in and we would move in there and our bedroom would be the one my father-in-law passed away (!!!!! this is just a detail to make it more colorful. I am trying to ignore this item). We wouldn't need to pay electric bill, water bill, supermarket bill, and it is possible my wife would keep the rent from the place we live now. We'd also have someone from the family with eyes on our daughters most of the time, and we'd have someone to stay with them when we needed to go out. No brainer, huh? I forgot, I'd also have a space to build my home studio, almost from the ground up and we'd have a garage (my car currently stays outside).
Basically, we'd save tons of money, have less worries, blah blah blah.
The thing is, I don't get real along with the sister/aunt. I have nothing against her, actually I think she's a nice person, she thinks the same about me, but we just collide. She is kinda of a control freak and we had huge disagreements many times. She likes to give unasked opinions for EVERYTHING, including how we raise our daughters (those who have kids know how annoying family input can be at times). This really REALLY R-E-A-L-L-Y pisses me off. Also, I am a quiet guy. I like to get home after I work, be just on my underpants, maybe crap with the door open, eat my dinner and watch soap opera with my family. Quietly. I really really REALLY dislike seeing outside people everyday (including my own family. I live like 3min from my mom's and I avoid going there frequently) and they unite like...EVERYDAY. People go there to lunch, to hang out, to..whatever. I need my space, you know? Not physical space, but intellectual space. MY space (which includes my family, of course). I get really irritated if I don't have this. I also think this will disrupt our privacy completely. I like to fuck on the sofa if I want to, I like to have my balls hanging on my underpants. I'd like to have the fights i have with my wife without everyone think 'huh, they're fighting'. And my wife fights loud.
Despite knowing this, my wife think those things are thing that we can deal with. I really agree with all the pros, it would be great to have the things I told before, but I don't know if I can handle a) living in a place that isn't mine, after living for four years on my own home b) dealing with people I don't get real along daily c) living in a place I can't be/feel/stay quiet.
I know it may be very selfish, but I think we were leaning towards staying here. We were agreeing on some stuff to make the house better, like increasing the size of our bedroom, maybe adding a 2nd bathroom on the upper floor (we don't have money for that, though. See the issue? eheh). I think on the long run, it will be healthier to stay were we are, because my wife constantly feels upset at how 'quiet' or 'not nice' I am to her family. But I am just a quiet guy (and over the years, smiling has been harder and harder. Not the product of being sad or anything - smiles just don't come easy, so most of the time I look angry or something, as she says).
Also, they have a lot of animals in there. Cats (like 8), dogs (2 annoying pinchers), turtles, chicken, ducks, turkeys. Yeah, no kidding. I am allergic as fuck, so do both my daughters. I dont need to say I feel sick when going there. Zoe is doing an allergy/asthma treatment that is like $150/mo, so we'd have one more problem to deal with.
Anyway, like I said, I feel we were leaning towards staying here. But, strangely, we (actually, my wife) were missing things from our home. A couple of children spoons and cups, a couple of forks. A plate. And some money disappeared twice. First, it was around $60 my father-in-law gave Zoe sometime before he died. My wife kept it inside her purse and BAM, it disappeared. Now, A small wallet were my wife kept some stuff and had inside $60 to pay Alice's health insurance plan disappeared. We have two people working at home: one nanny, which stays with the girls, and one house keeper that cleans the house, cooks, do laundry (don't think I am a rich motherfucker. This is usual in Brazil). Going backwards one year, this nanny was the one who arrived late the day my house was robbed. Despite this, she is 'trusty' - has worked at my parents' for around 5 years and nothing ever happened.
The house keeper works here for around 11 months. She's kinda weird: she loves to show off. For example, Alice's godfather gave the kids a 32 inch LCD TV. OK, he earns like $2k/mo. She went out a bought a 42 inch TV for her daughter. She earns like $200, her husband sells pirated DVDs, and how the fuck she's gonna pay $100/mo for a TV?
A couple of times, some issues happened with her too. The woman who lives by the next house must have smoked some dope and left the rent money with her a couple of times. God knows why. The first time, around $20 was missing - she said she never saw the money. The second time, my wife's brother-in-law went here to get the money, and $50 was missing. She was like 'Ooops, there's $50 more on my pocket'. Weird.
To make a long story short, it is probably one of them that is stealing stuff, but we don't have any proof. In the end, we won't trust them anymore and for the umpteenth time (I won't tell the issues we already had with this kind of people. Just to name one, Zoe was left all by herself by one of those crazy nannies when she was 2yo) we will end up needing to hire someone else. We can't stay without anyone, because then, our house will be an easy target to broke in. And my wife will put pressure on me again to move there.
I really dont know what to do (I actually know..). The facts tell me to suck it up, and deal with whatever I gotta deal. But I know myself and there will be times I won't swallow anything (did I tell my wife behaves differently when close to her family?) and then there will be issues. I am really not a easy guy to deal with, but I know those issues I told aren't bullshit at all. I will REALLY miss having MY home, and this will not be the care for the near future. Not until my mother-in-law passes away and the sister/aunt..whatever. I don't know how the hell she would move out ehhe She really wouldn't. So unless we win the lotto or something, we'd be stuck in there for the next 20/30 years (I am not sure if my wife wont dump me before that, tho').
After this long read, do you have anything to say and help me clarify my mind? I really don't want to be the selfish motherfucker on this one. I am trying to work something out inside myself, but I am really not sure of what.
btw, that house freaks me out.
Cheers and sorry for the long read,
Ivan
