Look at this

[The Yngster]

Anyone have more?

 

[Manga-San]

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are stranded on a sinking raft 1000 yards away from an island. They all decide to swim for it.

The red head jumps in, swims 200 yards, gets tired, swims another 50 yards, then drowns.

The brunette jumps in, swims 300 yards, gets tired, swims another hundred yards, then drowns.

The blonde jumps in, swims 950 yards, gets tired, then swims back to the raft...

 

[arglebargle]

Damn you, IntoThePiT, I was about to tell the pirate joke!

 

[Mr. Shred-ididle]

Talking about heaven jokes, heres another one.

Three women die in a car accident.
When they arrived at heavens gates, St. Peter said "There is only one rule before you can get into heaven."
"Whats that?" One of the women said.
"You can not step on a DUCK!" Replied Peter
"Ok, sounds easy sais another girl"
So Peter opens the gate and the whole land if totaly filled with ducks -as far as the eye can see.
"Holy SHIT!" they yell together. "What happens if we step on a duck?" they ask.
"You will be tied on to one of the ugliest naked man you have ever seen for all eternity." Peter answers
so they all walk as carefully as they can until one of the three steps on a duck.
Peter flies over and ties her down to Michael Jackson.
"Shit!!" The others say. So they keep walking until another one steps on a duck. Again Peter come over and ties her down to Yngwie Malmsteen.
So the third and final woman is derterman to not step on a duck. She keeps walking for hours and hours. Until Peter come over and ties her to George Clooney.
"Cool" she says "but i didn't step on a duck"

"I know" replies Peter "He did"

 

[Eramaajarvi]

 

[Prismatic Sphere]

So someone tell me, when a couple in West Virginia get a divorce, are they...still brother and sister?

Just wondering.

 

[Eramaajarvi]

Anyone up for dead baby jokes?

There's a whole thread on the Vehemence board.

http://www.ultimatemetal.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=76698

 

[Skitz]

A kid says to his mother "Why do I have to keep walking round in circles?"

She replies "Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor"

 

[MetalHeart]

what is brown and knocks on the door??
a baby in the oven! uaahahaha

 

[1by4by9]

I'm reviving the old threads again. This time it's a funny thread.

 

[DoomsdayZach]

I miss shreddy. He was awesome.

 

[1by4by9]

Users seem to come and go on this forum.

http://www.bash.org/?715644

Priceless.

 

[Detective Clarence Beauregard]

Anyone up for dead baby jokes?

How do you get a dead baby out of a blender?

Tostitos.

 

[Horus]

I don't get it.

 

[Detective Clarence Beauregard]

I don't get it.

Tostitos are a brand of taco chip.

 

[Horus]

Yeah, I got that, but I don't get how it relates to dead babies and blenders.

 

[SilentRealm]

said it before and ill say it again.. baby jokes are not funny..

i miss shreddy too - last time i talked to him was probably about 2yrs ago.. my god his guitar skills had gotten awesome by that point and he was only 16.. the boy is a genius.. wonder how he is doing now..

 

[Taliwakker]

probably on the smack...sold his guitar....might be sitting on some biker/drug dealers lap as we speak.

 

[Horus]

I take it he wasn't the most well behaved of peoples?

 

[DoomsdayZach]

No he was, tali is just being tali. Shreddie was awesome though. I wonder if there's any way to get in touch with him...