I've been thinking and I really wish I'd realized how much of my feelings were due to my frustrations at not really getting with women as I would like to. I just failed to develop the social skills and neural pathways that were necessary at the time, say ages 14+. It's really shitty now, because all of that depressed shit has an affect on how I am now, despite having lost my virginity and having been out with attractive girls. I need to relearn life really, need to become somebody else, because this way isn't working.