When I was ~10 I would look at my next door neighbor Mr. Bill, a WW2 vet that sauntered about his rose garden, and think about how much I would love to be old and retired. I still think it could be potentially enjoyable, but fuck feeling decrepit when I've still got work to do.
EDIT: I've even tried moving away from lazy amateur porn and going back to more hi-res aggressive hardcore porn in hopes that it would get the adrenaline pumping better, but that stuff only somewhat turns me on now. I guess I'm depressed too because for about four hours this morning I had a great "Holy fuck I feel powerful and ready to do anything" feeling but as experiments in the lab dragged on I could feel myself losing energy, and then some retard in a jacked-up pick up tried to cut in front of me and when he failed proceeded to call me a faggot a few times (but at least he yelled "faggot!" like a bitch so it was a little amusing and telling of what a pathetic dudebro he was). I'm so tired of everything.
