Males and Females
- Thread starter damnromulans
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V.V.V.V.V.
Houses Ov Mercury
This is gonna be a longer one, fuckers. But I gotta put it somewhere!
So, about a month ago the relationship with the girl I moved in with last August ended. She had been talking with someone else via text because we drifted apart over the past 5-ish months and I found out that she lied to me about it, confronted her, tried to fix things, but couldn't. We had been living together since like last February, but with her other roommates at the time and so eventually decided we wanted our own place. We got along well, but had no real sexual chemistry and that really bothered her. I didn't particularly mind because sex has never been too important to me (and I had fairly bad semi-forced sexual experiences with a past gf who was very much fucked-up, which, in turn, fucked me up somewhat), but it got to be such a big deal that we didn't ever really get intimate that we broke things off semi-mutually. Basically, she told me after I got home from work one day that she didn't feel the same about us as before, etc. and that she was going to be staying with a mutual female friend of ours for a week until all my stuff was gone and I had moved back with my parents. I didn't really feel too bad about it honestly; the worst part was that I had to lug all my shit back to my 'rents place which is no fun considering they've decided to charge me to live there now. Feh.
ANYWAY, fast forward to the night my ex was supposed to return to the apartment. Her friend she was staying with (a hot blonde with a rockin' body and great curves; important, just keep reading) wanted to hang out with me and another mutual friend and help me put my room back together, so I obliged and we hung out, then went down to Boston area for a few drinks... or so I thought. This girl and I started getting really close and touchy (which, looking back, was probably really obvious to our mutual buddy and probably made him a bit uncomfortable, but fuck it) throughout the night, and I wanted to keep it going, so we ended up bar-hopping Cambridge a little bit. Get back into Lowell and drop Chris, our friend, off at his apartment to return this other girl (Ashley) to her car, which was parked at my parents' house, and we start getting hot and heavy in my car. More than I've been with anyone in my life. Eventually, I said goodbye and we left it kinda hanging until the next day.
I texted her again following up and, through a long conversation, ended up deciding we should do a friends with benefits thing considering we're both single and very attracted to each other but have mutual friends who could get hurt by the situation if it came to light, and at the time, the attraction was purely sexual in nature. We end up having sex a day later at a pretty interesting location (her childhood home, which she got the keys to under the pretense of looking around for old stuff of hers, which is soon to be foreclosed upon), then I drive her home and drive myself home. I'm feeling satisfied, obviously, and pretty damn awesome at the time, but also a bit empty about how it ended. I felt like we had something more going, as we had a crush on each other apparently (as I learned from her perspective) when we were both in relationships most of 2013. She was dating one of my best friends who broke up with her and moved to California. Basically, lots of people's feelings were involved here, but we somehow hit it off on much more than a sexual level (she loves beer and metal, so... yeah) and started bangin' and hangin' out more.
Eventually, she told my ex (one of her best friends, keep in mind) that something was developing between she and I, and my ex was obviously mildly-perturbed by this development but agreed that it's for the best considering we would be "the perfect couple" and she wasn't really surprised we ended up hitting it off. We were then trying to figure out how to tell her ex, the dude who moved to Cali. She decided to kind of just tell him via text, but he had figured it out somehow (probably Facebook tag snooping etc), and he ended up flipping out and saying that 'Andy should've known I still felt something for you, and I can't believe you allowed this to happen, so now I'm cutting off communication with both of you, way to ruin me and Andy's friendship', which is actually a really shitty thing to say, considering if you move across the country and dump the girl, you don't own her and it's pretty selfish to be jealous of your "best friend" (we haven't talked at all about this... he didn't even consult me about it; in fact, he's the dude who was supposed to go to MDF with us but has since sold his ticket and isn't going due to this situation) getting together with her when you're not around anymore. So, basically, fuck him. I think I love this girl. She's amazing. I actually feel intimacy with her, we have a lot in common, we have fantastic sex, we love going on road trips and drinking good beer together, we can rock out to metal, folk music, etc. She's awesome. She is Christian and active in her church, but a liberal one and very intelligent (finishing up an accelerated masters in English at Boston University right now, natch!). I don't foresee it being a big problem with us, though it was initially a topic of discussion and probably will continue to be at some points. That's about the only thing we really differ on, which is a big change from my ex where we disagreed about a lot of major philosophical life points (except for religion/theistic stuff, ironically). Whatev.
So.... yeah. Life is good. And fucking weird. And complex. Thanks for listening, GMD. Questions welcome if there are any. I still love you guyz.
So, about a month ago the relationship with the girl I moved in with last August ended. She had been talking with someone else via text because we drifted apart over the past 5-ish months and I found out that she lied to me about it, confronted her, tried to fix things, but couldn't. We had been living together since like last February, but with her other roommates at the time and so eventually decided we wanted our own place. We got along well, but had no real sexual chemistry and that really bothered her. I didn't particularly mind because sex has never been too important to me (and I had fairly bad semi-forced sexual experiences with a past gf who was very much fucked-up, which, in turn, fucked me up somewhat), but it got to be such a big deal that we didn't ever really get intimate that we broke things off semi-mutually. Basically, she told me after I got home from work one day that she didn't feel the same about us as before, etc. and that she was going to be staying with a mutual female friend of ours for a week until all my stuff was gone and I had moved back with my parents. I didn't really feel too bad about it honestly; the worst part was that I had to lug all my shit back to my 'rents place which is no fun considering they've decided to charge me to live there now. Feh.
ANYWAY, fast forward to the night my ex was supposed to return to the apartment. Her friend she was staying with (a hot blonde with a rockin' body and great curves; important, just keep reading) wanted to hang out with me and another mutual friend and help me put my room back together, so I obliged and we hung out, then went down to Boston area for a few drinks... or so I thought. This girl and I started getting really close and touchy (which, looking back, was probably really obvious to our mutual buddy and probably made him a bit uncomfortable, but fuck it) throughout the night, and I wanted to keep it going, so we ended up bar-hopping Cambridge a little bit. Get back into Lowell and drop Chris, our friend, off at his apartment to return this other girl (Ashley) to her car, which was parked at my parents' house, and we start getting hot and heavy in my car. More than I've been with anyone in my life. Eventually, I said goodbye and we left it kinda hanging until the next day.
I texted her again following up and, through a long conversation, ended up deciding we should do a friends with benefits thing considering we're both single and very attracted to each other but have mutual friends who could get hurt by the situation if it came to light, and at the time, the attraction was purely sexual in nature. We end up having sex a day later at a pretty interesting location (her childhood home, which she got the keys to under the pretense of looking around for old stuff of hers, which is soon to be foreclosed upon), then I drive her home and drive myself home. I'm feeling satisfied, obviously, and pretty damn awesome at the time, but also a bit empty about how it ended. I felt like we had something more going, as we had a crush on each other apparently (as I learned from her perspective) when we were both in relationships most of 2013. She was dating one of my best friends who broke up with her and moved to California. Basically, lots of people's feelings were involved here, but we somehow hit it off on much more than a sexual level (she loves beer and metal, so... yeah) and started bangin' and hangin' out more.
Eventually, she told my ex (one of her best friends, keep in mind) that something was developing between she and I, and my ex was obviously mildly-perturbed by this development but agreed that it's for the best considering we would be "the perfect couple" and she wasn't really surprised we ended up hitting it off. We were then trying to figure out how to tell her ex, the dude who moved to Cali. She decided to kind of just tell him via text, but he had figured it out somehow (probably Facebook tag snooping etc), and he ended up flipping out and saying that 'Andy should've known I still felt something for you, and I can't believe you allowed this to happen, so now I'm cutting off communication with both of you, way to ruin me and Andy's friendship', which is actually a really shitty thing to say, considering if you move across the country and dump the girl, you don't own her and it's pretty selfish to be jealous of your "best friend" (we haven't talked at all about this... he didn't even consult me about it; in fact, he's the dude who was supposed to go to MDF with us but has since sold his ticket and isn't going due to this situation) getting together with her when you're not around anymore. So, basically, fuck him. I think I love this girl. She's amazing. I actually feel intimacy with her, we have a lot in common, we have fantastic sex, we love going on road trips and drinking good beer together, we can rock out to metal, folk music, etc. She's awesome. She is Christian and active in her church, but a liberal one and very intelligent (finishing up an accelerated masters in English at Boston University right now, natch!). I don't foresee it being a big problem with us, though it was initially a topic of discussion and probably will continue to be at some points. That's about the only thing we really differ on, which is a big change from my ex where we disagreed about a lot of major philosophical life points (except for religion/theistic stuff, ironically). Whatev.
So.... yeah. Life is good. And fucking weird. And complex. Thanks for listening, GMD. Questions welcome if there are any. I still love you guyz.
-CC-
Something in My Eye
- Jan 12, 2009
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So her ex was a good friend of yours? There's a disturbing amount of forumgoers here that pursue former/current women of their friends. That's a pretty fucked up thing to do. If that were to happen in my friend circle, that person would no longer be considered a friend.
V.V.V.V.V.
Houses Ov Mercury
Is it? I mean, the dude broke up with her and moved across the country to get a better job. They weren't a thing anymore and did not get along, having discovered this after like 7 months of dating. I didn't pursue her because of their previous connection, but rather because I thought she and I had something, which... surprise, we ended up having. I believe it's very selfish to, after breaking up with someone/leaving physically to another part of the country, consider the other person connected to you in such a way that they can't date someone else. He did express that if she had gotten with someone who wasn't me that it wouldn't have hurt him as bad, but, you know what? Too fucking bad. You don't get to claim dominion over your exes like that. Good riddance if he doesn't want to be friends anymore; that obviously means he's too egotistical, jealous and harboring of undue bitterness and hatred to really be considered a friend in any meaningful way.
Zephyrus
Tyrants and Slaves
I wouldn't fault that guy with feeling hurt that his ex is banging one of his friends. That's just how men work. They will always feel a territorial connection to whomever they were previously with and resent whoever takes their place. No matter how much they suppress it, it will always be a residual feeling. It factors into why, in most cases, exes cannot and should not remain/become friends. Those chemical connections take longer to fade.
That said, he has no right to control whom his ex dates or bangs or anything.
I'm perplexed, Andy, because I recall you had a relationship with a committed Christian before, a relationship you seemed very confident in, which later on went down in flames. Is this girl significantly different psychologically from that previous Christian girl? (this coming from someone who tried dating a Christian and had things turn out pretty shitty)
Master_Yoda77
Juggalo
Eligos
Problem Yet to be Solved
I haven't had this problem with exes getting territorial and whatnot, so I don't really feel as bad about it. A lot of my friends have dated each other, and I'm honestly more surprised when a grown ass fucking adult thinks they own a person, especially an old flame, than I am when a friend thinks it's okay to date a friend's ex.
My ex is on good terms with my current girlfriend and we all hang out pretty often.
My ex is on good terms with my current girlfriend and we all hang out pretty often.
Jimmy... Dead.
contemplative curmudgeon
Guys need to learn you can't own a woman physically or in the abstract, especially when you're in a relationship. I think every dude should watch his girl get drilled by another dude and learn how to deal with it. Swingers know whats up.
uhhhhmmmm4
Jesus Machine
SentinelSlain
Suck my joined date.
- Nov 21, 2007
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-CC-
Something in My Eye
- Jan 12, 2009
- 3,967
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It has nothing to do with feelings of "owning" a woman. It's just a matter of basic friendship. How can you go and fuck someone that used to have a strong bond with your good friend? There's literally a billion women out there, and you had to go with HER? It's hurtful for your friend, and to say the FRIEND is selfish, is selfish in-of-itself because you are the one that's causing suffering.
Let me ask you this, would you have sex with your best friend's sister?
Let me ask you this, would you have sex with your best friend's sister?
crimsonfloyd
Active Member
Why not? What's the big deal? As long as you're not manipulating her nobody is getting hurt.
Zephyrus
Tyrants and Slaves
Serjeant Grumbles
Active Member
- Mar 20, 2005
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Master_Yoda77
Juggalo
uhhhhmmmm4
Jesus Machine
I can't help but agree with Andy. If the guy genuinely cared about the girl's interests, then he would be blind to the fact that she's flourishing with his friend.
Jimmy... Dead.
contemplative curmudgeon
Pussy is pussy. Niggas get pussy. That dude should thank V5, he did this fag a favor. If it were me I'd tell V5 hoes be hoes, you don;t fall in love with em playa.
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