Males and Females

Anyone ever been in a long term relationship with someone they totally love... except for the fact they suffer from crippling fucking depression that shows its ugly, annoying head once every few months?

It's a real pain in the ass. Been together over three years, and today's little episode is wearing on me more heavily than they usually do. Why should I have to cater to someone's mental illness when I myself suffer from plenty? Why should I act like not knowing what to do with one's life is a major question that nobody else has ever had to deal with?

If you've ever been close to someone with this problem, you know it goes hand in hand with fucking selfishness. Depression is a selfish, selfish thing.

I totally suffer from anti-social personality disorder, but nobody gives me a pass for telling granny to fuck herself. Why is that?
 
You don't have to, but it is on you to deal with things if you feel like it or not. You HAVE a choice. Do you love him enough to deal with his disorder or is it becoming too much?

Sometimes you do have to lookout for yourself.

I understand how frustrating it can be - I mean my partner has pretty awful anxiety problems, prone to massive panic attacks, and it is really stressful having to work around those things sometimes - but at the end of the day I love her enough to know that I'd rather work with her through the problems than go it alone.

Sometimes you have to look out for yourself, but sometimes you have to do whats needed for the one you love.

EDIT: I'd just like to say that depression isn't something that should be called "selfish" - it isn't something they choose to have or anything
 
Keep in mind that someone suffering from depression may seem selfish, but in fact they're most likely keenly aware of the effects of their behavior on others and feel fucking terrible about it.
 
Shit's just lame. I hope none of you ever fall in love with someone with a serious mental illness that shows up just often enough to be painful, but not often enough to be a dealbreaker.
 
Don't succumb to the fear...

Obviously you've moved beyond weed. You've danced with the damsel named Mary Jane for a bit, and found she's fun to spend some time with, but she's not the kinda girl you want to spend the rest of your life with.

This is a good life lesson--It takes a lot of time and practice to find, "the one." Just because you've tried once and it didn't work out doesn't mean you should give up.

To be fair, Marijuana is the scum-drug of the earth. Mary Jane is like the girl from the trailer-park you date in high school, and you think you're going to spend the rest of your life with her. You spend your entire junior and senior years making plans for the future. Then, just when everything is perfect, and you're choosing names for your future children, it's time to go away to college...

You get to your separate destinations... You share a few phone calls. You try to maintain a passionate, long-distance relationship with Mary Jane, but it's difficult. You begin to realize Mary Jane isn't so smart. She's not even that pretty. She's just some chick that paid attention to you when no one else would.

And then you start to realize there are a whole buncha other hot girls, or in this case, drugs, available. They're everywhere: The sorta cute, interesting girl known as, "mushrooms." The edgy, chaotic hottie known by the nickname, "LSD." The girl so beautiful and controlling you need ten grand in the bank just to go on a date with her... we'll call her, "Cocaine." And let's not forget the woman completely capable of ruining your life within a day and a half..."heroin."

All fun girls. For sure. You just need to figure out which one is right for you.

The point is, you need to explore all of your options.. and you're obviously ready for the next level.

You should begin dating all of these girls--trying every drug you can get into your body--to see which of them is the right fit for you.

I'd suggest moving up to mushrooms, and then LSD. When those get boring, or make you "crazy," it's obviously time to start sniffing, snorting and freebasing. Huff some glue if you need to. Lick a toad. Take an adventure into the worst neighborhood you can find, and buy crack from a stranger in an alley. Life is worth living, man!!!

Before you know it, you'll be able to cook drugs in the comfort of your own home. You'll be the master of your domain. You'll be the model of self-control, paranoia be damned.
That which doesn't kill you will only make you Stronger. Better. Faster. All that.

It's time for you to soldier on through the darkness, and come out on top with a head full of acid, a nose full of cocaine, and a needle at the ready--to pluck your flesh and take you through the next level of evolution.

"You can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug, especially when it's waving a razor sharp knife in your eye."
 
Carpe Mortem said:
Anyone ever been in a long term relationship with someone they totally love... except for the fact they suffer from crippling fucking depression that shows its ugly, annoying head once every few months?

It's a real pain in the ass. Been together over three years, and today's little episode is wearing on me more heavily than they usually do. Why should I have to cater to someone's mental illness when I myself suffer from plenty? Why should I act like not knowing what to do with one's life is a major question that nobody else has ever had to deal with?

If you've ever been close to someone with this problem, you know it goes hand in hand with fucking selfishness. Depression is a selfish, selfish thing.

I totally suffer from anti-social personality disorder, but nobody gives me a pass for telling granny to fuck herself. Why is that?
Click to expand...


It must be painful to deal with, but if it's to the point where it makes you question your patience in the relationship perhaps him seeking help isn't a bad idea. I'm not sure how good these doctors/psychologists are but with the right one maybe he'll gain some coping methods that he'll be able to use to help him (besides drugs). Imo, i don't think there's much out there in terms of finding long term ideal partners (this is not a high standard thing btw). Everyone is crazy and a lot to deal with. So when you find something that works and feels good for the most part hashing the FUCK out of problems is the way to go even if it makes the 'ship uncomfortable for a few months. Leaving it to fester and for you to deal with without any guidance and not knowing how would only make it worse.

I wouldn't call depression a selfish thing, though. I think a lot of people say that so often and yeah having depression sucks and dealing with someone with it is just equally as sucky but as someone who goes through it once in awhile, i certainly do think its sometimes a lack of empathy on other's part when it comes to understanding depression (not saying you're lacking empathy lol just speaking generally, really).
 
Carpe Mortem said:
I totally suffer from anti-social personality disorder, but nobody gives me a pass for telling granny to fuck herself. Why is that?
Click to expand...

Are you sure you're not confusing Antisocial personality disorder with Social Anxiety? Because APD is usually consists of a lack of remorse and recklessness, and you don't seem like that kind of person.
 
Dealing with someone who has acute depression means your own bad day, even if its due to something pretty terrible like someone dying or your car breaking down, becomes irrelevant, because the depressed person doesn't know what they want to do with their lives. That's why I say it's selfish. Intentionally selfish, no, but its a very self-absorbed problem that saps the energy and happiness out of everyone around them as they desperately attempt to help and sacrifice their own well being.

Calling myself a sociopath was just making the point that depression shouldn't be a condition that places people up on a pedestal. I feel like it's something everyone caters to constantly, and being in a relationship with someone who suffers from it (seriously suffers from it, truly, on a daily basis with bi-monthly breakdowns), I'm made to feel like a shitty person or that my love isn't strong enough when it gets to be too much for me. Try falling for someone who hides that shit really fucking well until you fell in love with them... and then becoming their therapist forevermore afterwards, having to forsake logic while they moan about problems everyone experiences and having to blow them all day if you dare to imply they're being drama queens.

He has gotten better the last year or so I guess, so there's hope, but it does get to me. He's worth it if he does get better and better, but just sucks not being able to vent to anyone because I feel it's disrespectful for mutual friends to know. So I guess thanks for letting me vent.
 
Leaving campus and driving past a sorority house on the way I saw a really hot blonde chick in a very small top (an inch less and there would have been underboob) and tight blue jeans, posing and moving in a sexual way in front of some smiling dudebro fraternity looking guy, and it made me remember how foreign sexuality seems to me. I mean, I see couples on campus holding hands or kissing sometimes, I read new posts in this thread every once in a while, but it's still weird when I realize that most the people I talk to in real life as peers or students or whatever probably have casual sex frequently. People say that porn causes you to see people as sexual objects and can foster sex addiction, but at this point in my life it's almost like escapist entertainment, so opposite of my real life experiences that I am genuinely surprised at the mildest of reminders contrary.
 
I would argue that people with depression who aren't seeking treatment are being kind of selfish, particularly if they are hurting other people. It's similar to addiction in that regard. People have every right do what they want with their bodies/selves, but they should not expect everyone to welcome and excuse all their decisions. Being depressed is not a decision, but choosing to do nothing about it is. Sometimes cutting someone out is the kick they need to seek (more) treatment.

I was in a moderate depression for almost all of 2013, and I went to therapy and tried an SSRI for a year, and read books on recovery and cognitive-behavioral therapy and mindfulness. I tried working in yoga and exercise, and improving sleep hygiene. I tried to identify depression triggers and avoid them. I wouldn't say any of these things worked amazingly on their own, but after addressing the problem in a few ways, I started feeling a lot more balanced this spring. Part of being depressed is being depressed and unmotivated, I know, but simply trying is so much of the process. I'd lose patience with someone who didn't have a plan for working on their depression and show some effort towards that end.
 
It becomes rather overwhelming when you have one or more mental disorders to take tons of steps to combat them, especially when you don't have a whole lot of free time. Sometimes it's just easier to drink off the unpleasant symptoms, you know?

I'm pretty aware of myself and I've come to notice that I'm at my worst when it comes to getting really close to people. I simply choose to avoid it and I'm happier that way.
 
Manic Ferocity said:
It becomes rather overwhelming when you have one or more mental disorders to take tons of steps to combat them, especially when you don't have a whole lot of free time. Sometimes it's just easier to drink off the unpleasant symptoms, you know?

I'm pretty aware of myself and I've come to notice that I'm at my worst when it comes to getting really close to people. I simply choose to avoid it and I'm happier that way.
Click to expand...
Oh, believe me, I was doing a lot of self-medicating before making a concerted effort to get better. (And I was still self-medicating a lot even after.) Works well for situational depression, but you can't drink 24/7. Not all of the stuff I did was all that time consuming. Walk up the stairs at work or park far away, find 10 minutes at home for exercise, read on the train or listen to podcasts at work or in the car... This is stuff most people can do.

I did think it helped to back off entirely from trying to start relationships when I was not in good shape. Going solo is definitely the right approach sometimes. It helped me avoid turbulent and stressful situations in re: dating, and it was good for my independence and reliance on myself for my own well-being. It did suck to be pretty solitary for a very long time, but it helped me reach a good comfort level where I was significantly less stressed out about dating/early-relationship issues.
 
I don't drink 24/7 but it helps at the end of the night with my anxiety and racing thoughts.

I can recall feeling suicidal as far back as second grade. It was and always has been over women so it's only practical for me to avoid getting attached to anyone as much as possible. Yes, sometimes I get lonely but it doesn't hold a candle to how miserable I get over the confusion and drama that comes with feeling attached to someone. The negatives far outweigh the positives for me and always have.
 
Drinking definitely helps at night for me. Have you tried melatonin to help with sleep? Tools/apps that adjust screen brightness can be helpful too.

It sounds like you had childhood trauma that you need to work through.
 
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