Males and Females

[Manic Ferocity]

It becomes rather overwhelming when you have one or more mental disorders to take tons of steps to combat them, especially when you don't have a whole lot of free time. Sometimes it's just easier to drink off the unpleasant symptoms, you know?

I'm pretty aware of myself and I've come to notice that I'm at my worst when it comes to getting really close to people. I simply choose to avoid it and I'm happier that way.

 

[MasterOLightning]

It becomes rather overwhelming when you have one or more mental disorders to take tons of steps to combat them, especially when you don't have a whole lot of free time. Sometimes it's just easier to drink off the unpleasant symptoms, you know?

I'm pretty aware of myself and I've come to notice that I'm at my worst when it comes to getting really close to people. I simply choose to avoid it and I'm happier that way.

Oh, believe me, I was doing a lot of self-medicating before making a concerted effort to get better. (And I was still self-medicating a lot even after.) Works well for situational depression, but you can't drink 24/7. Not all of the stuff I did was all that time consuming. Walk up the stairs at work or park far away, find 10 minutes at home for exercise, read on the train or listen to podcasts at work or in the car... This is stuff most people can do.

I did think it helped to back off entirely from trying to start relationships when I was not in good shape. Going solo is definitely the right approach sometimes. It helped me avoid turbulent and stressful situations in re: dating, and it was good for my independence and reliance on myself for my own well-being. It did suck to be pretty solitary for a very long time, but it helped me reach a good comfort level where I was significantly less stressed out about dating/early-relationship issues.

 

[Manic Ferocity]

I don't drink 24/7 but it helps at the end of the night with my anxiety and racing thoughts.

I can recall feeling suicidal as far back as second grade. It was and always has been over women so it's only practical for me to avoid getting attached to anyone as much as possible. Yes, sometimes I get lonely but it doesn't hold a candle to how miserable I get over the confusion and drama that comes with feeling attached to someone. The negatives far outweigh the positives for me and always have.

 

[MasterOLightning]

Drinking definitely helps at night for me. Have you tried melatonin to help with sleep? Tools/apps that adjust screen brightness can be helpful too.

It sounds like you had childhood trauma that you need to work through.

 

[Tonka Time]

Yeah, I never really got the whole "What about the rest of us!?" attitude. After my suicide attempt all of my friends that I'd known since pre-school started to act that way. They're all hypocritical religious rednecks so it wasn't really surprising.

 

[Carpe Mortem]

Speaking of 'Males and Females'.... I was supposed to go to a wedding shower this weekend but my fucking whackjob cousin facebooked all her fiancee's exes with a picture of the ring on her finger saying 'haha bitch I won!' Word is, through the grapevine of my brother and mother, that the wedding may be off.

What the fuck, female?

 

[-CC-]

Hah, what's the big deal? Does he still keep in contact with them?

 

[Zephyrus]

Heading back to the Midwest in a couple days after my partner started living in Chicago almost two months ago. We're pros at long-distance by now, but it will be nice I'll get to see her every other weekend (only a 3.5 hour drive between Iowa City and Chicago), and those visits will often coincide with good bands playing in town.

As for the whole depression conversation, I think it's important that one's partner is not the only source of support for that person's condition, and that he or she should be relying on friends, family and professionals as well. Playing a role in a community should lighten the load on everyone supporting the person. A relationship is never a silver bullet to any problem, but as I said before, it's more of a safety net.

 

[Carpe Mortem]

Hah, what's the big deal? Does he still keep in contact with them?

Probably facebook contact of mutual 'likes' and shit, but even so, this isn't the first time she's acted like a psycho. She's kind of a cunt. When she dumped her last bf she wrote 'I love DJ' (fiancee's name) in sharpie all over his guitar when she was picking up her shit. Laughs it off when it's brought up. Also before he proposed she had their computer wallpaper as a wedding ring for like a year, pressured him constantly.

She was a cheerleader slut in high school, suffers from severe only child/hot girl/ dumb bitch syndrome. Gets me high at family functions, so... that's why we talk ever.

 

[Jimmy... Dead.]

You sure are surrounded by toxic people man

 

[SentinelSlain]

I swear women are some fucking cruel witches for caring solely about bloody confidence. Wooh look at me, I'm some grunting, retarded, swaggering bufoon, uhuhuhuhuh, look at that nerd reading a book, watch while I sodomize him and burn him. Uhuhuhuhuhuhuh.

 

[Jimmy... Dead.]

Or maybe you should consider that the females looking for the man you described are just female versions of those men.

You're either in the wrong environment or hanging with the wrong people. If not, deal with the primal competition bro.

 

[SentinelSlain]

Yeah I'm not in an especially classy social circle. One of my social circles more or less is, but it's very scattered nowadays.

 

[Cythraul]

I've been banging a girl from my doctoral program for the past few weeks and she is quite a depressive person. She makes me feel like I'm completely in control of my own shit (which I kind of am anyway cuz I'm 30 now). Anyway, the official thing is that we're just "bros who hook up", which I'm totally fine with, but sometimes it feels like a little more than that. I worry that she's just bluffing about the whole "no relationship" thing. I don't want a girlfriend, and she's young and hot, so I'm gonna try to keep this gravy train rolling for as long as I can.

 

[Jimmy... Dead.]

She's probably bluffing. Countdown to psycho bitch

 

[KafkaX]

I agree with Jimmy.

Ive had experience with multiple women who claim to just want to "hook up" and not have a relationship, and EACH ONE was full of shit and had hidden agendas.

I wont say all women want relationships, but the vast majority do. Thats been my experience. The whole were just hooking up business, is all just a hook, line, and sinker to catch your ass, imo.

 

[Cythraul]

I wont say all women want relationships, but the vast majority do. Thats been my experience. The whole were just hooking up business, is all just a hook, line, and sinker to catch your ass, imo.

That's sort of what I'm thinking. This sort of arrangement is inherently volatile for a woman even if she doesn't have a hidden agenda. They can't compartmentalize the sex thing, at least not for long. I don't think they're wired for that sort of thing. She's a cool chick, though. I have some kind of feelings for her. I just want something with her that I could exit from easily, cuz that's where I'm at mentally right now. That's probably just wishful thinking.

 

[Huldra]

So I'm totally new here, but found the subject of people with depression interesting.
I'm inclined to agree with MasterOfLightning on this because there are definitely two types of people when it comes to depression. There's a guy I used to be friends with who is essentially that person who does jack shit about his depression that he's had for years and blames everyone else as being the reason for it's existence. And to be frank, a lot of his "friends" have gotten fucking sick of his shit because he does absolutely NOTHING about it. He'll come up with an idea of how to get past it, but never follows through. Will see a therapist once, won't go again cause he thinks they're all whackjobs (not to say that some aren't). Will do all the drugs and drink all the boozes and will feel fine for a day and then go back to being hopeless. THAT is when someone who is depressed is being selfish. Especially if they only ever interact with people as a means to vent and be a whiny bitch. Not that venting is bad, it is helpful, but if you're constantly going to be an energy vampire, then piss the fuck off.

I'm going through a moderate depression rut myself after some major life changes and a part of it definitely is feeling lost, unmotivated, and like a sack of shit for a while. I'm at that point now and it sucks feeling unmotivated and lost (especially since I'm an A type deep down), but having gone through being moderately depressed before 1. Makes it seem less impossible, 2. Makes it easy to identity triggers and deal with them and catch myself when I'm falling into the toxic trains of thought/behaviors, and 3. Provides some motivation to not be unmotivated. Being an energy sucker to those around you isn't a good thing to be and it honestly makes me feel worse if I catch myself doing that. From the relationship POV though, it can def suck for the partner (believe me, I felt bad for mine when we were together, though to be fair they did lack some sense of empathy/understanding). But as mentioned before, if they aren't the only source of support then the depressed person is probably going about it the right way. A relationship isn't a fix all no matter how nice they may be.

 

[The Ozzman]

A wild Cythraul appears! Miss you bro.

I think I've only had one instance where the woman wanted to just hook up bit that only lasted 6 months before she wanted a relationship (not with me mind you). She was a swinger at one point in her life though so that probably had something to do with it.

 

[Carpe Mortem]

I've never met hot swingers. Every single one, male and female, has been pretty ugly, kinda cementing my view that getting lots of tail is more involved with validation of attraction than actual orgasms.