Males and Females

[HamburgerBoy]

I've never met hot swingers. Every single one, male and female, has been pretty ugly, kinda cementing my view that getting lots of tail is more involved with validation of attraction than actual orgasms.

Why couldn't it be that attractive people don't have to resort to a swinger lifestyle to attain sufficient levels of orgasmic pleasure, where the unsightly may?

 

[Draehl]

I swear women are some fucking cruel witches for caring solely about bloody confidence. Wooh look at me, I'm some grunting, retarded, swaggering bufoon, uhuhuhuhuh, look at that nerd reading a book, watch while I sodomize him and burn him. Uhuhuhuhuhuhuh.

Yeah, no kidding. I'd say I'm neither low nor high confidence kind of guy but I'm just terrible and feel like a fucking sleezeball when I try to impress people and "act" confident. I like to keep it real, no bullshit type deal, but its shitty because women expect it and they want it for the sales-y part of my job to paint shit up to be better than it is. By the same token, when I (rarely) get past the initial image bit- women aren't disappointed with me either. I don't throw any illusions or misinformation. I could totally pull the "Oh yeah, I'm a stock broker, blah blah blah" and while it's true I feel like I'd attract the wrong type of woman spinning shit that way.

 

[Onder]

To say that women care solely about confidence in men is same as women saying men only care about tits, maybe even more ridiculous.

 

[Vimana]

I'm kind of in the same jam. I have no clue where the line is between showing off and displaying one's qualities with confidence. Besides, I don't want to have to put on a show. Once the show's over, I'm a regular person, and I think that's pretty cool, but it's not cool when you want a show. I used to date women and get bored of them once they started being people and stopped being this array of talents and whatever. Maybe I've learned my lesson? I dunno.

I would start with casual conversation, but women (at least on okcupid) appear to get bored of that when looking to date. I could also try impress them or be deeper, but even if successful, those things will wear out and casual experience will take over.

To say that women care solely about confidence in men is same as women saying men only care about tits, maybe even more ridiculous.

This. I think men and women want the same shit, but gender roles have polluted people's brains for a long time. As for how romance goes, people tend to want to confide in someone, trust them with everything, and have fun with them no pressure.

I remember reading something on reddit asking women how they determine if a guy is good for them, and they say they'll watch a bunch of things like how they speak to people, treat people, etc. And then I came to the shocking realization that I do the exact same thing because women are human and I'm human.

 

[KafkaX]

I dont think Sentinel's example was a proper example of male confidence but rather a more proper example of a machismo douchebag...Which sadly still scores some ladies...

I dont think trying to show confidence on a dating website is a good place to start. How do you not come off like a cheesy prick? Its a start, yes, but imo a horrible way to really get to know someone...The casual encounters and getting to know them should not be through virtual text, but in the flesh...Blah blah we all already know this...

But I think the line where attractable confidence gets drawn is whether or not there is a genuine humility that comes along with it. Thats how Ive always approached it because I feel like a chest thumping ape if I just go around taking selfies of my 6 pack, and making fun of people to impress ladies. The ladies that kind of behavior attracts, or impresses, are the ones I do not want in my life. Fuck that.

As cliche as it is, Im going to act like the man I wanna be and if my genuine self attracts a beautiful woman, then I know Im off to a good start. Be confident in what you have to offer a woman. It doesnt need to be millions. It doesnt need to be a six pack. Whatever you genuinely bring to the table are the aces up your sleeve.

 

[Jimmy... Dead.]

@Vim, So the fact that if I could I'd sleep with 5 women a week ... this is a gender role polluting my brain?

I'm kind of in the same jam. I have no clue where the line is between showing off and displaying one's qualities with confidence. Besides, I don't want to have to put on a show. Once the show's over, I'm a regular person, and I think that's pretty cool, but it's not cool when you want a show. I used to date women and get bored of them once they started being people and stopped being this array of talents and whatever. Maybe I've learned my lesson? I dunno.

I would start with casual conversation, but women (at least on okcupid) appear to get bored of that when looking to date. I could also try impress them or be deeper, but even if successful, those things will wear out and casual experience will take over.

All true. They don't only want a man that does something but they want him to be a winner; a guy that's "cool" is very important to them.

 

[Vimana]

I think it's just your personal preference, but easier for you to pull off because of not having to deal with pregnancy. I don't believe all men would go for that, but maybe most would. I'd probably try it and then get bored of it.

I agree with you about being cool, but I don't think any woman's gonna be satisfied with a man so long as that's their main priority. Everyone has their ordinary stuff that's not cool.

 

[Jimmy... Dead.]

I think it's just your personal preference, but easier for you to pull off because of not having to deal with pregnancy.

Which is exactly my point. We're built and wired different and to say we want the same things I think is misguided and constructed.

I don't believe all men would go for that, but maybe most would. I'd probably try it and then get bored of it.

Of course not every man would but I'd definitely say most. Bored? really? do you get bored with good food or new good music? yea I don't think so

 

[Mort Divine]

There are obvious biological differences, but I really do think those are not quite as important as how we are socialized

We are made to feel that as men we must behave this way, and if you don't then you're any number of pejorative terms usually implying that we possess too much of a feminine quality

/shrug

 

[Carpe Mortem]

Why couldn't it be that attractive people don't have to resort to a swinger lifestyle to attain sufficient levels of orgasmic pleasure, where the unsightly may?

That's true too. But I've noticed immensely attractive people who can have all the sex they want from like anyone, male or female, only take advantage of it when they're on the younger side or have noticeable self esteem issues. Mentally sound attractive people find a suitable mate and stick with them.

 

[Jimmy... Dead.]

There are obvious biological differences, but I really do think those are not quite as important as how we are socialized

It is almost impossible to see how biology works outside the context of environment, but it's not that nature and nurture are two equally important aspects, or one is more important than the other, its that they are two sides of the same thing.

 

[Vimana]

Which is exactly my point. We're built and wired different and to say we want the same things I think is misguided and constructed.

There is variance, but important emotional things like reliability, entertainment value, and compatibility are important for men and women.

Of course not every man would but I'd definitely say most. Bored? really? do you get bored with good food or new good music? yea I don't think so

I don't think that's exactly the best comparison. A woman can be beautiful, but if they say/act in a way I find off putting, it's hard for them to recover from that.

From an evopsych perspective, monogamy is just as important for men as it is for women. Any sensible man that wanted surviving offspring would find a trustworthy woman and pair off with her. Contraception gives a different dynamic when sex's main purpose is pleasure and not bonding and reproduction.

 

[Jimmy... Dead.]

There is variance, but important emotional things like reliability, entertainment value, and compatibility are important for men and women.

Yes I agree but we define and value these things differently.

I don't think that's exactly the best comparison. A woman can be beautiful, but if they say/act in a way I find off putting, it's hard for them to recover from that.

Of course it's not the best comparison hence the winky guy. My point is off putting or not we tend to tolerate a lot for a variety of options. You don't like one, play with another. We have it easy like that. Women, on the other hand, want one guy they can tolerate and fornicate.

From an evopsych perspective, monogamy is just as important for men as it is for women. Any sensible man that wanted surviving offspring would find a trustworthy woman and pair off with her. Contraception gives a different dynamic when sex's main purpose is pleasure and not bonding and reproduction.

As long as you're talking about pair-bonding males yea. Tournament males have a different "sensibility" . In every measure available, humans appear to be halfway in between. But yea humans are much more monogamous than traditional tournament species.

 

[Vimana]

As long as you're talking about pair-bonding males yea. Tournament males have a different "sensibility" . In every measure available, humans appear to be halfway in between. But yea humans are much more monogamous than traditional tournament species.

Tournament behavior for humans is a luxury of civilization. We don't have nearly the level of physical danger the Pleistocene and before did, and contraception allows sex to be recreation instead of reproduction.

Yes I agree but we define and value these things differently.

I think there's more variance between individuals than between genders. Some women like assholes, some guys like bitches.

 

[Jimmy... Dead.]

Ah good points.

 

[damnromulans]

Don't orgasms release oxytocin? So if the sex is any good then yeah FEELINGS.

Everyone should just be nice to old people, animals, other people, and themselves. Genuine kindness and being a complete human are attractive. Be a good listener and take pleasure in a woman/man teaching you something new and share some new things with them. Blahblahblah. Don't talk about your job as if it makes you cooler or better than anyone.

 

[SentinelSlain]

I don't actually want anyone at all, I just want confirmation. It's taken me a long time to realise, but it's true. That's why I complain about shallow bitches in clubs and bars. The women I actually get on with probably want more than I want.

 

[Onder]

I don't actually want anyone at all, I just want confirmation. It's taken me a long time to realise, but it's true. That's why I complain about shallow bitches in clubs and bars. The women I actually get on with probably want more than I want.

Having a girlfriend is cool dude. You can fuck her and then cuddle and shit. Also you can make the usual boring shit bearable. Like I don't really care about shopping for food but I took my girl to the discount store today and it was nice in the end. Normally I would do all that shit half-asleep, on some autopilot or something.

 

[Funerary_Doom]

Is having a girl crush normal? I think i have one. :/ wtf.

 

[Onder]

Is having a girl crush normal? I think i have one. :/ wtf.

Ask your vagina.