Males and Females

[The Butt]

I went to visit her last Thursday for three days and it went better than the first visit but the repercussions have been awkward. Lately, she's been going from acting like she normally does to very minimal responses. A couple nights ago, she asked if I was worried about her dating other people. I told her that I was but wouldn't hold anything against her if that's what she decided to do. I proceeded to ask her if she was asking me this because she wanted to date someone. She denied it and told me that she asked the question to see if it was something I was worried about. Also, she asked if me and her had a chance even if she did decide to date other people. I told her it wasn't impossible and she assured me that what she was saying was hypothetical. I thought it was kind of a weird thing to randomly bring up but I didn't think much of it at the time.

STRIKE ONE! Don't say there's a chance if she dates other people! You just gave her a free pass to date another person then come back to you as a last resort.

I got very minimal responses from her yesterday until later on in the evening when I made an extra effort to talk to her. We talked for about an hour and then she abruptly said she was going to bed. I wasn't too bothered by it until an hour later when I saw her on Facebook. I tried talking to her and asking her why she was still up with no response. I also noticed that she had added another guy.

I'm not stressing out too much about this but it looks to me like she met someone else she's interested in. I would be more accepting of this if she had just been honest with me about it but it seems as if she is trying to keep me on the sidelines in case it doesn't work out with someone else. I could be wrong but either way, maybe it's time to stop talking to her and force myself to bite the bullet when she acts desperate to talk to me. Any advice?

Do what feels right man. If you feel that it's time to stop talking to her, then it is time. She seems like she wants to have her cake and eat it. Show her that you're not a last resort dude!

 

[Manic Ferocity]

STRIKE ONE! Don't say there's a chance if she dates other people! You just gave her a free pass to date another person then come back to you as a last resort.

Well, more specifically, I told her that we would have to ease our way back into each other and just see how things go. I tried to stress that it would be a while before I'd consider wanting to date her again. I certainly wouldn't welcome her back with open arms the minute she broke it off with someone else.

Do what feels right man. If you feel that it's time to stop talking to her, then it is time. She seems like she wants to have her cake and eat it. Show her that you're not a last resort dude!

Haha, the irony is that she always hit ME with the cake analogy and I don't even currently have any other girls on deck (although that could change tonight if I don't drink myself into an alcoholic coma). She basically used that against me to try and guilt me out of going to bars, parties, etc.

Agh, now I'm getting riled up. She has the nerve to say I want my cake and eat it too when SHE jumped at the first opportunity of guy attention. Bunch of shit. Well, the good news is that I haven't responded to her since I posted on here that I was going to ignore her. I see no good reason to keep in contact with her right now so I'm probably making the right decision.

 

[The Butt]

Well, more specifically, I told her that we would have to ease our way back into each other and just see how things go. I tried to stress that it would be a while before I'd consider wanting to date her again. I certainly wouldn't welcome her back with open arms the minute she broke it off with someone else.

Well, I'm not gonna tell you what you need to do, but in your position, what I would do personally, is if she even expressed interest in wanting to date someone else I'd be sayin' "go for it, I won't be here when you come back though".

Haha, the irony is that she always hit ME with the cake analogy and I don't even currently have any other girls on deck (although that could change tonight if I don't drink myself into an alcoholic coma). She basically used that against me to try and guilt me out of going to bars, parties, etc.

Agh, now I'm getting riled up. She has the nerve to say I want my cake and eat it too when SHE jumped at the first opportunity of guy attention. Bunch of shit. Well, the good news is that I haven't responded to her since I posted on here that I was going to ignore her. I see no good reason to keep in contact with her right now so I'm probably making the right decision.

Wait... she used the cake analogy on you, when you didn't even have any other women in mind? Wut.

Good on ya man. Fuckin' good on ya for continuing to ignore her. Go to this party or bar tonight, or whatever it is you're doing, pound a couple drinks into ya, and work some magic with the ladies. Do it.

 

[CF87]

I can't recall any decent expirience have had with a female. I'd rather be alone. Fuck them, not with my dick either.

 

[Manic Ferocity]

Well she assumed that going to bars = me meeting and/or hooking up with other women, which I honestly didn't and had no intention of doing at the time. She had no real reason to think I was doing anything other than the fact that I was going to bars. Standard paranoid irrational jealousy.

Also, an update that I forgot to mention. The guy turned out to be some hipster that gave her his number a few days after we broke up. They weren't in consistent contact until she randomly decided to text him last night. Her reasoning was that she was sick of feeling heartbroken over me so she decided to text him. Other than her neglecting to talk to me much, we haven't been on bad terms since I went to visit her so I'm struggling to understand what caused her to do that. Not only does that make me regret having gone to visit her but it gives me all the more reason to call it quits since there is clearly no efficient way for me to get her to come to terms with our situation and maintain a subtle relationship.

 

[The Butt]

Well she assumed that going to bars = me meeting and/or hooking up with other women, which I honestly didn't and had no intention of doing at the time. She had no real reason to think I was doing anything other than the fact that I was going to bars. Standard paranoid irrational jealousy.

My ex (not the long-distance one, my first one) was like that. "I don't want you going to bars or parties without me, you'll do something stupid!" It sucked.

Consider this a bullet dodged, man. Bullet fuckin' dodged.

I can't recall any decent expirience have had with a female. I'd rather be alone. Fuck them, not with my dick either.

Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks.

 

[Manic Ferocity]

Well it's funny because I didn't really realize how controlling she could be until much later on. We met while enrolled in college and she was never very jealous or controlling at all. I first noticed it back in April when we went to visit friends at our old college campus. Me and my friend took a drunken detour across campus and didn't come back to the house we were staying at until around seven in the morning. Naturally, she went ape shit about why I was out so late. She never used to be like that but we had also been living together in West Virginia where we didn't really have any friends to hang out with for several months. Either way, it amazes me how much of a 180 her personality did after almost a year and a half of dating her. I guess it's only natural for someone's true colors to be revealed as you get closer to them. That isn't to say that I'm excluded from that aspect of being close to someone but it makes relationships seem like a major set-up for disappointment.

Sorry for rambling. Just needed to get all this off my chest.

 

[The Butt]

Don't apologize dude, this is the thread to ramble about that stuff.

And yeah, it's amazing how someone's personality can totally change the closer you get to them. My first ex started to show her true colors about 4 months in... her jealousy started to spiral out of control, because she thought I had a crush on one of my best female friends. It grew to the point where the girlfriend totally destroyed the friendship I had with this girl. Now, that's all been repaired, but I consider this a bullet dodged. A learning experience. No tolerance for crazy, irrational behavior.

 

[Manic Ferocity]

Well I admittedly started out being the jealous one in the relationship, mainly because it was my first and I didn't really know how to react when I had feelings like that. We ended up having a total role reversal about a year and a half into our relationship though and she became really self-conscious and insecure all of a sudden (also a thing that had changed in her personality since she had initially struck me as a very confident woman).

Towards the end of our relationship and up until now, I haven't had a very difficult time dealing with jealousy. Every now and then it will hit me and piss me off but it's not usually a thought I really dwell on anymore. If anything, our break-up has really given me a much more apathetic attitude about what she does when I'm not around. There is still quite a bit of confusion but it's nothing that I haven't been able to deal with. I suppose the relief of being free from what was, more or less, a nightmarish relationship is enough to outweigh the feelings of loss and jealousy. That isn't to say that those feelings aren't present but they have been made easier when I have less to worry about when it comes to the major drawbacks of being in a relationship.

 

[Manic Ferocity]

Why do some women feel like they NEED a man to shower them with affection in order to feel good about themselves? I'm sure there are men out there who are like this too but I've known quite a few women (including my ex) who feel like they NEED to be in a relationship in order to feel good about themselves (or to sleep around if that isn't possible). I can't speak for the rest of men but I majorly value my alone time and am perfectly comfortable with not having a significant other (which is perhaps why I was single until I was 20).

 

[KafkaX]

Because some people are fucking insecure, self conscious, codependent fuck heads who cannot find their own self worth on their own...They need that validation from someone else.

So im in love with a chick whos half way across the states, just went through a divorce and has two kids...Spent a week with her the other week and it was fucking incredible. But she comes with a lot of baggage that Im not sure Im willing to take on at this point in my life...Fuck.

 

[Manic Ferocity]

I may even go as far as to say that the point in my life where I felt the most insecure was when I was in a relationship. Everyone is flattered when someone finds them attractive but I've never understood how it could get to the level where you crave that kind of attention.

 

[KafkaX]

Most insecure in a relationship? How does that work? Sounds like the wrong type of relationship(s)...

I feel like men for the most part desire independence and solitude and women desire dependence and community in a relationship. Thats been true for me. Very few relationships Ive been in, a woman is ok with giving me my reflective space without being too needy and insecure that I might be doing stupid shit (as stated earlier). The women who do give me that space tend to be the ones that I try to have be around.

 

[Manic Ferocity]

When you come from a wealthy suburban family who takes care of you and forgets to teach you important life skills, it becomes difficult to live with a significant other who was taught independence from childhood. I also have pretty bad ADD so there was a great deal of frustration on her part about my lack of focus which led to countless fights. She was also very brutally honest and could be very demeaning when criticizing my behavior, lack of decision making skills, and general lack of direction in life. She was constantly critical of me and it had a major effect on my confidence after a while.

Neither of us had a whole lot of money throughout the course of our relationship but she took it upon herself to make me feel guilty for not doing many romantic things for her. That also, of course, has to do with the fact that she was my first girlfriend and that I was oblivious as to how to go about being a boyfriend. Naturally, she made me feel like I wasn't doing my "job" correctly.

Without going into detail, our sex life was complicated from the start. She has had a lot more experience than I have which made me feel in-confident in some cases. A worse aspect of our sex life, however, was some deep sexual insecurities I have that also made our sex life complicated. It got to the point where she became impatient with me which also affected my confidence.

I have a very out-of-control temper that has led me to say things to her that I regret and am somewhat of a mistake-prone person in general. That isn't to say that I am unable to work those issues out for myself but the constant guilt of things I said to her was overwhelming at times and obviously had a pretty huge affect on how our relationship turned out.

So yeah, basically I felt like the biggest piece of shit when I was in a relationship. I guess I am glad that it's over in a lot of ways and feel more secure now that I'm not too close with someone. I'm certainly not jumping into another relationship anytime soon.

 

[Manic Ferocity]

I enjoy the early stages of a relationship (or a short-term partnership, which I've done more of) because it is much more flattering for someone you don't know that well yet to be smitten with you. The initial excitement and wonder is honestly the best part of expressing feelings for someone.

 

[monoxide_child]

i've said it somewhere in this thread before but i'm too lazy to find it and quote myself

your sexual relationship should be every bit as easy and natural and efortless as your non-sexual relationships

your sex-partner should be just simeply
"your best friend + sex"
anything other than that and it's just not worth the effort

 

[SentinelSlain]

bitcjes always get me too drunkj before blast off. Some virgin girl sucked me off then kicked me out for being too drunk and throwing up in her bath and trying to wash myself with her toothpaste.

Oh well. Life battles onwards into countless struggles against pussydom.

 

[crimsonfloyd]

bitcjes always get me too drunkj before blast off. Some virgin girl sucked me off then kicked me out for being too drunk and throwing up in her bath and trying to wash myself with her toothpaste.

Oh well. Life battles onwards into countless struggles against pussydom.

LMAO do you blame her?

 

[PhlegethonVeins]

bitcjes always get me too drunkj before blast off. Some virgin girl sucked me off then kicked me out for being too drunk and throwing up in her bath and trying to wash myself with her toothpaste.

Oh well. Life battles onwards into countless struggles against pussydom.

Someone is going to be looking at the ole' regret-O-meter tomorrow.

 

[KafkaX]

Went to a Industrial/Noise club last night...God damn those women are fucking hot.