Marriage

[Pitiless Wanderer]

Where do I even begin. I love women...love 'em. I love sending them flowers, lying in bed with them, cooking with them and everything in between. I love the feeling of knowing I've connected with someone on something other than a purly physical level. I love the feeling of kissing a woman for the first time...especially one I have had my eye on for a long time. I love the feeling of knowing I'm loved.

I just don't love the idea of being with one woman for the rest of my life.


Women, please refrain from calling me an asshole. I have never cheated on any of my girlfriends and I never would. I'd break up with them before I'd cheat on them...that is a guaranteed fact. I just can't bring myself to believe that marriage, the idea or marriage...is natural. I love my girlfriend to death...more than I've loved any other woman who has been in my life. Even this strong feeling isnt enough to make me want to give up the rest of my life for her. There are so many people out there...I dont believe in soulmates. it's all about compatibility.


...I dont get how people can get married and be content. Im not even talking about just sex, although that is a big part of it. I mean, just the emotional sacrifice that you have to give...to be with one person for the rest of your life.

I dont know about other countries, but in the USA over 1/2 of all marriages ends in a divorce. If anyone needed clarification, this is a BAD statistic. Is it people getting married for the wrong reasons, or not doing enough to breathe life into their marriage? Or does this high rate make it clear that marriage just usually (usually) doesn't work?

How can you stay married to someone for, lets say, 25 years, and HONESTLY say that you're not bored? That you have NEVER thought the "what if I...?"

I don't think I get it. I'm only 24. My girlfriend and I are hinting at marriage and as much as I care about her and want to be with her....the committment is just...it's a lot. The problem I have is that even if I broke up with her, found another girl that I was madly in love with...after time the same thing would happen. I would be questioning everything there as well. It's a cycle.


Is marriage natural or am I wise beyond my years in leaning towards the idea that it's just....something to do in life, that people look at as a natural progression as they get older. Marriage, kids, job, death.


God, I need some fucking advice

 

[proglodite]

Marriage is yet another modern tradition that comes from the bible:

"The man said,
"This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called `woman,'
for she was taken out of man."

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Genesis 2:23-24

Note that it doesn't refer directly to the concept of 'official' marriage as we know it, or a wedding - the church came up with this as symbolism much later; rather it is a spiritual binding between man and wife, with god and in god.

Without trying to be too cynical of marriage, the only reasons to marry these days are to recognise such a bonding with god, or to conform to what society expects: an official relationship rather than a de facto one which may or may not be more successful and/or long-term.

I mean no offense to any married people out there, these are merely my beliefs

Brad

 

[speed]

Have you had a conversation with your girlfriend about this little problem? I know it would be almost impossible to bring up; however...you have stated a number of things that any woman would love to hear.

 

[Gallowmere]

I personally don't believe in marriage, i don't need abit of paper to tell me or anyone else that im committed to the relationship with my girlfriend.
Its seems most people get married nowadays to get a council house (well at least over here in the UK) there's supposed to be lots of legal benifits due to getting married, i'm not aware of them though, because i have no intentions of getting married, ever!

 

[LORD_RED_DRAGON]

first
there's really no fucking way in hell marriage is really natural, for anyone, ever, not even close, the thing is the whole fucking world has got this totally unnatural idea brainwashed into them prettymuch from birth, and sadly women are so much more susceptable(spell?) than men, monogomy will eventually become monotonous. It will happen, it's just a matter of when and what are you actually going to do about it when it happens.

@ threadstarter
have your girl read what you wrote, there's a million different ways she could handle it, and "the ball's in her court" then really, but no matter what the fuck she does about it, there will be the finality of it, in a sense it'll be over for you, because at the end of the day it will be her dicision whether or not to stay with you

 

[Norsemaiden]

Marriage should have nothing to do with religion. Marriage is about not just the man and woman, but mainly about FAMILY. It is a ceremony to acknowlege that the people getting married are now members of eachother's families and that should mean they are treated with much more warmth and trust than if they were not married. It strengthens the clan. The other main point of marriage is to provide stability for the offspring. A child needs to feel secure and know that its parents love eachother. If their parents are not commited to eachother, the child has a subconscious feeling that he himself is not a product of love, is unwanted and shouldn't have been born. He fears also the prospect of a much loved parent leaving him, or ending up with a step parent (or series of step parents). He will also probably repeat the mistakes of his parents and not be commited to being part of a stable relationship for his own kids' sake.

There is ABOLUTELY NO POINT in getting married until the woman has got pregnant, because a childless marriage is a SHAM and it doesn't matter at all if it breaks up.

Regarding sex - statistics have shown that married people have much more sex on average than singles do, and much more satisfying sex because they don't have the same kind of performance worries and such like that are often problems with new relationships.

Marriage is not for everyone. I have particular sympathy for women who choose to be single mothers, especially ones who get the best sperm they can (perhaps from a sperm bank).

People who shouldn't breed also shouldn't marry.

Marriage should be nothing to do with claiming ownership over a person, or a declaration that they are your property, or an attempt to get a free meal ticket (all of which apply to my stupid brother marrying an older schizophrenic woman who has no intention either of getting a job nor of having kids - not that she should have kids.)

If people get married and it's not about kids, then they might as well marry their pet, or a motorbike or someone of the same gender, whatever their great love is, because it is all nonsense.

 

[Gallowmere]

Marriage is about not just the man and woman, but mainly about FAMILY. It is a ceremony to acknowlege that the people getting married are now members of eachother's families and that should mean they are treated with much more warmth and trust than if they were not married. It strengthens the clan.

If someone married into my family, i, in no way, would trust the person any more or less than i had before. It wouldnt make me bond with them either, after all people get married for each other not for the families.

The other main point of marriage is to provide stability for the offspring. A child needs to feel secure and know that its parents love eachother. If their parents are not commited to eachother, the child has a subconscious feeling that he himself is not a product of love, is unwanted and shouldn't have been born.

Marriage doesnt in any way prove you love someone, to me its just abit of paper, and i dont need abit of paper to tell me a i love someone.
Most people get married when their girlfriend gets pregnant, and one reason for that is to get a house quicker.

 

[Teh Grimace]

marriage is, in theory, a good idea.

marriage is, in practice, never a good idea.

 

[Hubster]

Fuck "marriage".

In modern western society it's a Christian ideology anyway. I despise the constitutional concept of marriage, including the opposition to childless marriages, arranged marriages (which still occur within my culture), and the Christian beliefs regarding children being born or conceived before marriage.

I prefer the term "eternal union". I support childless marriage. I support children being born or conceived before marriage. I support the eternal loving relationship and I totally support monogamy.

I prefer to call my partner "my partner", not my "wife". A woman is a being of sound mind, strength, power and the creator of life. She is my equal, not my slave (personally I view women as the stronger gender anyway).

Getting married does not prove anything, signing that contract does not prove your love, neither does wasting a massive amount of money on a ceremony where 99% of attendees are people you don't know.

Screw appeasing the family - it is your partner and your relationship which matters, it's strength, good health and longevity.

 

[Norsemaiden]

So why should it be between a man and a woman, why not a man and his car (some people love their cars very much)? Why not between a woman and a dog, does it matter if they love eachother in a non-sexual way? Or does it have to be something that can say "I do"? What is the point of monogamy, if you would rather be having sex with someone else occasionally, or you want to get a new partner? I explained that the only reasonable objection to this is that it screws kids up. Marriage is indeed not a proof of love, but not being married sends kids much more of a message of their parents' possible lack of commitment. Mostly people don't get married when they have kids because they actually are NOT commited, and think they might want to leave any time.

I think childless marriages devalue marriage because it seems like trying to get posesssion of someone or just having a game of playing at being grown up. It totally doesn't matter at all when childless marriages break up, but it is very sad when parent's divorse.

It is fine for people in love to make a private promise of love to eachother, but marriage is an institution and a public declaration - not a private matter.
The length of a marriage is often in inverse proportion to the expense of the wedding - which can be done for less than £100.

It is a sad fact that family bonds are not as strong as they used to be in ancient times. This is because of people having small families and high levels of divorse. Nowadays it often happens that a child who loses his parents in an accident has no grandparents alive, no aunts or uncles and no siblings (they were never born) - so he has no living relatives at all and goes into state care. That is a really shocking indictment of how our society is falling apart.

 

[Kenneth R.]

"The man said,
"This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called `woman,'
for she was taken out of man."

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Genesis 2:23-24

Note that it doesn't refer directly to the concept of 'official' marriage as we know it, or a wedding - the church came up with this as symbolism much later; rather it is a spiritual binding between man and wife, with god and in god.

This is how I see it as well, however, if the relationship is truly one worthwhile, then the woman in question (or man for you ladies) is like the blood of your blood, someone who although seperate from you, completes with you the whole of one being. Thus I say I will not date anyone I cannot forsee spending the rest of my life with, because if I anticipate an ending, I am not committed, and if I do not feel committed to this person, I am leading them on falsely, and I should do the honorable thing and back down.

And so the one I marry will be one I hope to spend my entire life with, my companion, or no one at all. I believe the conventional marriage ceremonies we go through are just that-convention. The real binding takes place in the heart, long beforehand.

 

[derek]

This is how I see it as well, however, if the relationship is truly one worthwhile, then the woman in question (or man for you ladies) is like the blood of your blood, someone who although seperate from you, completes with you the whole of one being. Thus I say I will not date anyone I cannot forsee spending the rest of my life with, because if I anticipate an ending, I am not committed, and if I do not feel committed to this person, I am leading them on falsely, and I should do the honorable thing and back down.

And so the one I marry will be one I hope to spend my entire life with, my companion, or no one at all. I believe the conventional marriage ceremonies we go through are just that-convention. The real binding takes place in the heart, long beforehand.

I have very much enjoyed the process of dating many varied and different women. I can see my own death in the future, but that does not stop me living my life.

 

[Norsemaiden]

While a guy is young and attractive he can get the better looking women, but when he is older, and maybe has less sex drive, he might want a more permanent partner. Only who he has to choose from then is not so good, because the best women have already been taken. That is a thought.
I think polygamy and polyandry should be allowed. Anyone got any thoughts on this?

 

[derek]

While a guy is young and attractive he can get the better looking women, but when he is older, and maybe has less sex drive, he might want a more permanent partner. Only who he has to choose from then is not so good, because the best women have already been taken. That is a thought.
I think polygamy and polyandry should be allowed. Anyone got any thoughts on this?

I do not have any belief in marriage, whether it be to eight wives or just the one.

 

[Norsemaiden]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/4748292.stm A logical thing to find acceptable, if one thinks marriage is not about having kids.

How about this scenario: a woman wants to have children, but she does not expect to find a man who will stay faithful to her longterm. How might that be likely to affect her choice of who she gets to father the child? The answer would be that she would choose a good looking stud who would get her pregnant and leave. So most of the women would be after a small minority of men. (Also in polygamy a minority of men get more than one woman, while many others can't get any.)
If the situation of men being increasing unwilling to commit to a relationship continues then it will work out that the children are mostly fathered by particularly attractive men and the less attractive never have kids. The only sensible strategy for the less attractive males would be to marry and be faithful to a woman if they want her to consider him good enough to father her babies.

 

[derek]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/4748292.stm A logical consequence of it being commonplace to marry without intending to reproduce.

How exactly can marriage without intention to reproduce mean goat-fucking will be commonplace?

 

[Norsemaiden]

How exactly can marriage without intention to reproduce mean goat-fucking will be commonplace?

You were quick off the mark there Final Product! I have re edited that remark as it didn't come across the way I meant it. It's just like the guy who is marrying the goat said something like "Why not, if two men can get married in some places?". Goat fucking will get a bit more common, but not THAT common I agree

 

[infoterror]

I think marriage is the best institution for raising kids. However, I don't think most people today can handle it. Luckily, I also think the population should be reduced, so them not breeding helps all of us.

There's some truth to the idea that marriage makes more sense when you're older. It depends on when you find someone with whom you can spend a lifetime. For some, it will be never.

 

[Infernium]

I agree with you in most of the parts, but I also agree with those arguing the idea of a marriage are the children. The kids need a model both male and female, and of course the best models they can get are their biological father and mother. That's why you stop chasing after chicks when you get married, you dont want the kids to raise up in the middle of the mess of having several mother models.

I dont know about soulmates but the partner I would choose to have children with would be "just" someone it's easy to live with in both good and bad days. I think a relationship can be a working one even without any deep emotional love. It's the best of the children both should be thinking about. Also you wont be bound to marriage foverer anyway. I know couples who have raised the kids up and parted ways after that. I mean after like fifteen years or so the kid is old enough to understand how the thing works, and the parents living separate lives doubly has that much of a negative effect anymore.

 

[L.G.Davies]

If two people are truly commited to each other, then it shouldn't make any difference to their relationship if they get married or not. Either way, if both parties are 100% commited to the relationship, then thats all that matters.

There can sometimes be pressure from society and family members to "settle down" and get married. As long as your happy it doesn't matter what you do in life.

If you truly do not want to get married, then don't let someone force you into it. You may end up resenting them for it.