Marriage

[speed]

I do not have any belief in marriage, whether it be to eight wives or just the one.

I think the arabs are on to something with 8 wives: you spread the nagging, and your wives are competing with each other for your attention. Of course feeding and clothing 8 wives, who may all want a child, is another thing.

 

[Mitton]

I dont agree you need a piece of paper of a ring to prove how much you love someone but on the other hand I dont really want to grow old by myself I would want to spend my last years with.

 

[derek]

I think the arabs are on to something with 8 wives: you spread the nagging, and your wives are competing with each other for your attention. Of course feeding and clothing 8 wives, who may all want a child, is another thing.

You know, when I posted that I had a brief interlude of thought where I imagined you would say something very much like that

 

[speed]

You know, when I posted that I had a brief interlude of thought where I imagined you would say something very much like that

You know me way too well.

 

[LORD_RED_DRAGON]

@ threadstarter
have your girl read what you wrote, there's a million different ways she could handle it, and "the ball's in her court" then really, but no matter what the fuck she does about it, there will be the finality of it, in a sense it'll be over for you, because at the end of the day it will be her dicision whether or not to stay with you

the thread starter's girl should really read this whole thread, not just the first post

 

[Norsemaiden]

She might be offended that he's looking ahead to leaving her.

 

[Pitiless Wanderer]

I just need to be sure. How can anyone ever be 100% sure theyre with with right person? People who say this are just dumb or in denial.

 

[Norsemaiden]

It's no good thinking the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. If you are married with kids you have made your bed, and you better lie in it, to use two well worn cliches! However, if one of the partners has a very low or non-existant sex drive at some point, then it is only fair that they let their other half have some freedom to get what they need elsewhere (should their other half still have strong urges.) Similarly, if a couple marry under the expectation of having a lot of kids and for whatever reason this fails to happen, there is some justification for one of them to go with someone else who will give them kids. This may not require divorse.

 

[Dushan S]

Where do I even begin. I love women...love 'em. I love sending them flowers, lying in bed with them, cooking with them and everything in between. I love the feeling of knowing I've connected with someone on something other than a purly physical level. I love the feeling of kissing a woman for the first time...especially one I have had my eye on for a long time. I love the feeling of knowing I'm loved.

I just don't love the idea of being with one woman for the rest of my life.


Women, please refrain from calling me an asshole. I have never cheated on any of my girlfriends and I never would. I'd break up with them before I'd cheat on them...that is a guaranteed fact. I just can't bring myself to believe that marriage, the idea or marriage...is natural. I love my girlfriend to death...more than I've loved any other woman who has been in my life. Even this strong feeling isnt enough to make me want to give up the rest of my life for her. There are so many people out there...I dont believe in soulmates. it's all about compatibility.


...I dont get how people can get married and be content. Im not even talking about just sex, although that is a big part of it. I mean, just the emotional sacrifice that you have to give...to be with one person for the rest of your life.

I dont know about other countries, but in the USA over 1/2 of all marriages ends in a divorce. If anyone needed clarification, this is a BAD statistic. Is it people getting married for the wrong reasons, or not doing enough to breathe life into their marriage? Or does this high rate make it clear that marriage just usually (usually) doesn't work?

How can you stay married to someone for, lets say, 25 years, and HONESTLY say that you're not bored? That you have NEVER thought the "what if I...?"

I don't think I get it. I'm only 24. My girlfriend and I are hinting at marriage and as much as I care about her and want to be with her....the committment is just...it's a lot. The problem I have is that even if I broke up with her, found another girl that I was madly in love with...after time the same thing would happen. I would be questioning everything there as well. It's a cycle.


Is marriage natural or am I wise beyond my years in leaning towards the idea that it's just....something to do in life, that people look at as a natural progression as they get older. Marriage, kids, job, death.


God, I need some fucking advice

From my point of view this post of yours is not really about marriage. It is more about your trust in yourself and in your feelings, about your fear to miss important things in life, and end up feeling that there were things you could do but you didn't. Marriage is just a technical things. If one day you start to feel that you would like to have a children with one person, than just do it. If you feel that you like to live with one person, just do it. It is not philosophical question. Off course you can always find another person and be in love again etc. But Marriage is not only about love, it is about freindship and partnership. You could even turn completely around your view at merriage without changing opinion: If you can always start again with another person, if everything is always the same, then why putting a pressure on yourself, you can just stay with one person all of your life and save yourself from hussle. Marriage is not being concentrated on other person, it is about living and having still your own life and your own goals, but having someone to look for you and support you. It is about different kind of love than love you feel when you are "high" from hormonal reaction in your body because of other person. You can't be high all of your life about that person, but you can still love her. On the other hand, be honest on yourself if it is love you are seeking, or it is passion, change, to be thrilled, to be amused, to have fun. Then naturaly, you will start to feel tied down in marriage, you will feel bored, you dont want partnership and calm love between two beings.
Have in mind I am not criticizing on you, I have some character traits of emotional adrenalin junkie myself, so what I am saying is comming from my own experience in relationships I was involved. Human being is complicated, we may want a love and stable relationship at the same time, but to be afraid of losing our freedom and searching for exciting of meeting someone new at the same time. I think that best solution is to use this to our own adventage. Of we are out of relationship, there is excitement of new experiences. When in relationship, I am usualy finding satisfaction by investing my emotional energy into other things that are not conected with love or sexuality, but that can take most of my attention and creativity.
Kind of using inner duality to my own adventage instead of looking at this all as a problem.

 

[infoterror]

A thought that occurred the other day:

Sex is more like a drug.
Marriage is more like a creative art.

 

[Teh Grimace]

A thought that occurred the other day:

Sex is more like a drug.
Marriage is more like a creative art.

Do you think drugs are a good thing?

And what do you consider "creative"?

?

 

[infoterror]

Do you think drugs are a good thing?

And what do you consider "creative"?

?

Creative: rendering new what is well-adapted; descriptive.

Are drugs a good thing? For whom, in what context? Universally?... I don't know if you can answer that question any more than "Is giving every person on earth aspirin every day a good thing?"

 

[Akirahito]

I, being a married woman, will offer up my own opinion on this whole issue. First of all, we had never planned on getting married, but rather on staying together forever...which is the same but without the legal ties. Ultimately, we ended up getting married because of these reasons:
1. We were having child #2
2. If one of us were on life support, or near death situation in a hospital, there is nothing the other could do. Our individual parents would come, take things over, and we would be left with no say, and no rights.
3. If one of us died...again, we would have no right or say in how we would want each other (or ourselves) buried.
And also, we would be entitled to nothing that belonged to the other person. (Yes, a will would be useful, but his mother could contest her son's girlfriend inheriting his money and things.)
4. Insurance

Getting married, in the end, did not affect our relationship. We had already gone through the rough times and had learned to deal with each other, our problems, and work through all this crap together, united, as a team. When you are young, you don't want to settle down with anyone...and when you get older, occasionally those feelings hit you. But the rewards of a partnership built on love, unified by friendship, and bonded by strength are worth the sacrifice. I don't have to worry about being alone when I'm 60 years old (after my kids are gone), I live with my best friend and confidante, I love with all my heart and am loved as much back, I have someone to deal with all the hard times....the times raising teenagers, and worrying about bills, and most importantly, I have someone who shares my likes, dreams, and who always has my back.

 

[Pitiless Wanderer]

nice reply.


i guess the biggest thing is just the sex...to be honest.


it's hard imagining having sex with only ONE person for the next ____ years of my life.

 

[Akirahito]

Hey, I can understand that. Like I said...there are still moments. But the older you get, the more you begin to notice that the things you place importance on change. You are only young for a short time...but you will be old for a very long time.

 

[Norsemaiden]

nice reply.


i guess the biggest thing is just the sex...to be honest.


it's hard imagining having sex with only ONE person for the next ____ years of my life.

When the lights are out you can imagine it's anyone! Actually if you feel like that then don't bother getting married. You don't sound the marrying kind. On the other hand some men change their minds later on. Not everyone is made in the same mould and you shouldn't force yourself into a situation that doesn't suit you.

 

[Akirahito]

Besides, sooner or later years of meaningless sex makes for a meaningless life. Then you will search for something that does give you meaning. Can you really imagine yourself 50 years old, prowling night after night, and coming home to yourself? Let me put it this way, if you had a child, would you want for them to spent their whole lives hopping from bed to bed, or would you want them to have a family of their own? How you feel now is not how you will feel 10 years from now, and certainly not 20 years from now.

 

[derek]

WELL, that is assuming marriage is one of these things that change as you get older.

It seems totally reasonable to me that Devy is old enough to make up his own mind. Also, who are we to say that his life choices have no meaning?

 

[Akirahito]

Maybe he will be happy doing the same thing 50 years from now that he does now....but you're assuming that he won't mature and change as years pass.

 

[infoterror]

When the lights are out you can imagine it's anyone!

That was wonderfully, disturbedly funny.