Meditation

Dick Sirloin

please... stay safe
Jan 6, 2004
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Yuo hippie!

I've always been interested in Zen. Kerouac, Ken Wilber, Hesse, etc. got me interested in it, but it's always been just a passing interest other than something that I've drawn into my life. The concepts of Being and Oneness always seemed to make sense to me; it's beyond simple binaries of good and evil. Conceptually it's engaging stuff. But I've never lived the life.

Lately I've been obsessed with time, or more specificially the idea of the present moment. The more and more I deliberate on it, how the past is no more, events are continually dying and the future is invisible. We're always looking back or forward. Where is the moment? What is the "present"? If all I have to go on in life is a shoddy memory and dim fantasies about the future, how can I exist in the now? When I listen to music and hear a beautiful harmony, it is not long before the notes have changed into other patterns and the sublime moment is lost. On a CD, though, one can always re-start the track. And the the process of destruction begins and ends as quickly as before. But you can't do that in life. Memory is a funeral. One can't go back. Or forward. We exist in an infintesimal space, with the past and future expanding away in both directions. The beautiful harmonies end too soon; love is transitory; nothing lasts beyond the exact present. If time is simultaneous, if all past and present and future all exist in the same moment, then things would be solved. But knowing this doesn't mean that I still don't see time as linear.

To say the least, this has been bothering me quite a bit here in the last few months. Not botheing as in "sometimes I sit around and think about this stuff when I'm bored" but all day, every day. It feels as though my life has either slowed to a halt or has begun to spin so fast that I don't notice the scenery. Sometimes I think I'm going crazy, and thinking about going crazy is almost enough to drive me crazy. Things have definitely gotten strange for me. And I'm not even on drugs (other than some pot now and then).

So I've decided to start meditating. I did it today for about 30 minutes, trying to become calm as possible, to destroy the past and future in my mind, to become AWARE of myself as existing in the moment, in myself, who, in turn, comprises the universe. If inner light be more than a fiction, I hope to find it. I felt a bit less harried afterwards, a little more composed and content. I don't know if it will be enough to help my shattering outlook on the world, but maybe I can find enough peace to exist with some sort of contentment.


Damn, that was long. Anyway, have any of you experienced any heightened awareness from meditation? What should I be concentrating on in particular when I do it? Are some ways better than others? Do any of you have strange problems with existence?


PS: I am dead serious about all of this. The Zen thing is NOT some fad I'm latching myself onto. I have to make some sort of sense of the world and my own relation to it. I can find eternity in art. Now I need to experience it in my own life, at every single moment.
 
Well, you opened up an immense can of worms. I can go on and on and on but I am lazy. It would be futile anyways since it has nothing to do with any sort of conceptualizations and/or logic. I can recommend some amazing books though.
 
Doomcifer said:
Well, you opened up an immense can of worms. I can go on and on and on but I am lazy. It would be futile anyways since it has nothing to do with any sort of conceptualizations and/or logic. I can recommend some amazing books though.

Man, I've read way too many books, many concerned with Time and Being. I think that's what got me to where I am. I blame Joyce's "Ulysses" in part - immortalizing a single day to exact detail and the eradication of time. I'm sure that there is a TON of material I still need to read, but I'm not looking for any more than a handbook. I've done enough reading, I need to put things into play in real life (whtever that is).
 
my form of meditation is quite simple, and something i've been doing for years. contemplation might be a more fitting term actually. anyhow, what i do is i lay down and stare at the cottage cheese ceiling, not listening to music, not with the TV on, not with my bass, etc. just lay there and stare at the blank ceiling and think about life. i'm the type of person that feels that if i'm not actively engaging in something (reading, music, talking, beering, etc.) i'm wasting time, and time is fleeting. this is why i don't like to sleep much, it's wasted time. but every so often, and i try to do it once a week but oftentimes i'll go several months, i stare at the cottage cheese.

yeah.
 
Plzdatemekthx said:
i'm the type of person that feels that if i'm not actively engaging in something (reading, music, talking, beering, etc.) i'm wasting time, and time is fleeting.

That's me EXACTLY. And I've been engaging in things SO MUCH that I haven't taken the time to find any inner light beyond the day-to-day experiences of my life.
 
OK, will do (but it will have to wait until I don't have to use fucking AIM express anymore).
 
Dick Sirloin said:
Man, I've read way too many books, many concerned with Time and Being.

What about this one then? :D

I've read an introduction to his thinking and it is very interesting, but very difficult stuff. And also it seems he should be read in german which complicates matters even more hehe
 
I'm pretty familiar with Heidigger's ideas, but I haven't read any of his whole works. I think I'll be buying this with my new Barnes and Noble gift card. Another book. Thanks, asshole. :loco:
 
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Cool. I'm going to explore the Buddhism section at B&N tomorrow. Thanks for the recs.
 
Bought that Suzuki book, been reading it.

2 things I've learned:

1) I can't get into the lotus position. Nuh uh, no way. Unless I want to be bowlegged the rest of my life, I think I will just sit Indian style.

2) I can't clear my mind. I think I went a second or two without thought (during a roughly 30 minute session), but the rest of the time I was just trying to keep my mind from wandering. And the more I tried to focus on my breathing, the more I thought about not-thinking, which is probably the worst thing one can do.

I'm going to try this every day, for 20-30 minutes at a time, gradually doing more and more. I hear that diligent, frequent practice is very effective, so I'll keep reading and keep going at it.

Despite my apparent ineffectiveness, that feeling you get once you open your eyes is pretty magical. For about 20 seconds I felt uplifted just looking at my wall.

Hopefully this won't be like my attempts to keep a journal... getting lazy and giving up after a few days.
 
I've been attending the local Zen center for this past year, meating with a teacher etc.

I do Zazen in the morning and at night, and try to during the day. I meat with my teacher for interviews once a week, and try to make it to the Zendo for Zazen at least twice, and attend Dharma talks as much as possible. I attend Senshin's once a month, which basicly means 10 hours of Zazen (sitting meditation) daily + Kenshin + Working Meditation for the weekend (or the week, if im lucky and have time). I'm currently working on a prison-outreach program with my teacher teaching in-mates Zazen, and listening when my teacher gives them Dharma talks.

My school is part of the Kwan-Um school of Zen, of the Chogye lineage of Korean Buddhism.
So, it is not some "fad" for me either.

So, did you just sit and start to meditate or did you find a teacher and truely learn Zazen? What posture do you sit in? Burmese, Half-Lotus, Full Lotus, Seiza? Do you keep the proper posture, and with your eyes half open, fixed on the floor in front of you? Do you keep your hands in the Mala position at all times?

This might all seem trivial but correct posture and breething are the exact thing that you focus on when starting Zazen to keep your mind diciplined. The traditional way to begin practicing Zazen is to follow your breath, counting 1 for inhilation, 2 exhale, 3 inhale, 4 exhale, etc. etc. in incriments up to ten. Needless to say thoughts will arise in your head during Zazen but you should neither latch on to them, or strictly dis-regard them, but let them float by "As clouds passing through the sky" as my teacher told me. Always, follow the breath. Breath from the diaphram and keep correct posture at all times.

The number one thing to remember when first starting to practice Zazen is that you are not "learning to do Zazen" when you are at the easily distracted stages, barely abble to count a full cycle of 10 breaths. You ARE doing Zazen, it is all Zazen.


As many teachers say: Shikintaza, "Just Sit"

I know that this wasn't a philisophicle post on the proufound effect of meditation, but it is from the heart of another student to somone who seems to be starting down the path?


Sorry for spelling/grammar errors as well =(.

I'de love to talk more about this!
 
Dick Sirloin said:
Hopefully this won't be like my attempts to keep a journal... getting lazy and giving up after a few days.


One thing you'll notice as you continue practice is that even on the days where your in the most anti-Zazen mood, once you actually force yourself to sit, it doesn't matter anymore. You are sitting, and thats all your doing. So, just keep putting your but down!
 
Dick Sirloin said:
1) I can't get into the lotus position. Nuh uh, no way. Unless I want to be bowlegged the rest of my life, I think I will just sit Indian style.

Noooo, you have to have your knees on the floor if at all possible. Did you try Burmese possition? Its verry easy if you have a good Zambutan or just a bunch of blankets/towels/pillows under your backside to raise hips above your knees. This is the position I use.

Dick Sirloin said:
2) I can't clear my mind. I think I went a second or two without thought (during a roughly 30 minute session), but the rest of the time I was just trying to keep my mind from wandering. And the more I tried to focus on my breathing, the more I thought about not-thinking, which is probably the worst thing one can do.

Don't let that frustrate you even one tiny little bit! You are doing Zazen, no matter what. It is all part of the path. It is not "the worst thing one can do" its just what you are doing. Just sit.