Newbie of the Year - Stage 1: Nominations

[hyena]

Following Matse's suggestion that I should post a poll, I ended up thinking of a game of sorts.

Why don't we have a real Newbie of the Year contest?

I suggest it is carried out in three stages.

First - all the old-timers have one month (until June 1) to nominate one and only one newbie each for the competition. A newbie is defined as someone who started posting on this board no earlier than September 1, 2006. You can easily find out this information by doing a search on their posts (no messages on this forum for months prior to the newbie's appearance are good enough to make him or her eligible). This is going to become stricter in the future, ie encompass only the people who started posting during the year proper, but this is a test-run so we need more people. The nominations are needed because as we know there are people who just come here, post once and then are gone: we don't want those in the competition.

Newbies can post in this thread why they should be nominated and generally publicize themselves and their achievements.

Old-timers can either just nominate and be gone, or properly adopt their newbie and coach him/her on the road to victory.

The nomination thread stays open throughout the year so as to allow sponsoring of newbies who will pop up in the future, but only the newbies who have been nominated before June 1 can be in the Stage 2 poll.

So, on June 1 we collect the names of the newbies that have been nominated, and progress to Stage 2. We post a poll and have it running for the whole month of June to see who is the most popular newbie so far. The results carry no definitive significance, but they allow newbies to see where they stand and direct their efforts at improvement.

Stage 3 takes place in December, and it's the final vote. Any newbies who pop up between June and December can be included in the vote, provided they have been nominated before December 1.

So, post your nominations or promote yourselves here!

SHORT AND SWEET: NO VOTING HERE, JUST NOMINATIONS STUFF

 

[King Chaos]

I r teh best newwbie :Smokin: :Smokedev: :danceboy:

Plz tuse me bcos I bring hewmor and sex tork abowt gayz 2 d phorumz.

 

[rahvin]

Two questions:

1. Join date is one thing, yet some users registered years ago but only started posting on this board fairly recently. Since it's only the old-timers (of this forum) who can nominate, wouldn't it be better if they were to run a search on the nominees' posts to check if their first post on this board was made later than - in this case - September 1st, 2006? I'll leave this to you: if you approve, edit your original post to reflect this change.

2. Couldn't the new guys showcase themselves in this thread? I'm afraid if one of the two threads falls behind, the incomplete instructions on either might seem a little quizzical. In this case, if you approve edit your post and let me know, so I'll merge.

 

[King Chaos]

I nominate that assforksi587 dude. He says wise things, has a dry sense of humour and isn't too eager to impress teh DTz!!!1oopsImissedshiftonez! like most of the newbies who cream every time caotico floats by.

I find it hard to distinguish between people who are just new to the board and people who have been here for ages but are still clearly of the newbie mentallity. I guess this is just for people new to the board? There have been a few cool people recently intruth.

 

[Child of Time]

It's even funnier as you're only exaggerating a little.

 

[King Chaos]

It's even funnier as you're only exaggerating a little.

Exagerating? Hey don't ruin this oppotunity for me, I want it so bad!!















p.s HELLLO!!1

 

[Matse]

Hi? My name is Matse. I am new here, I think. I am very shy. You won't vote for me, will you. If you won't I will cut myself because I don't have any friends. My parents hate me. The world hates me. My life is hated by me. Please don't hate me, too? You don't, do you? Maybe I will even kill myself. My life isn't worth living anyways. You already hate me, don't you? Please don't hate me.

Hail Satan,
Matse666


Btw: It was actually Hyena who brought up the idea by posting "running for the Newbie of the Year 2007" about asg876v (I hope you don't mind me writing your name wrong every time. I am just too lazy to look it up).

 

[La Rocque]

edit ^^^^^ I agree with rahvin(the man with the plan)

I'll nominate:
Lady Sunshine (I like the name)

 

[hyena]

Two questions:

1. Join date is one thing, yet some users registered years ago but only started posting on this board fairly recently. Since it's only the old-timers (of this forum) who can nominate, wouldn't it be better if they were to run a search on the nominees' posts to check if their first post on this board was made later than - in this case - September 1st, 2006? I'll leave this to you: if you approve, edit your original post to reflect this change.

2. Couldn't the new guys showcase themselves in this thread? I'm afraid if one of the two threads falls behind, the incomplete instructions on either might seem a little quizzical. In this case, if you approve edit your post and let me know, so I'll merge.

agreed on all counts. can you please do all the necessary edits? my arms hurt.

 

[afz902k]

The Reasons Why You Are Going to Vote for Me:​

I am a native lad (of teh internets, that is) and have endured online and in several metal forums here in the interwabs for most of my life unlike some of the other candidates, and what is pre-eminent, I have a passion for melodic death metal, an infatuation so shrewd and sonorous, that I almost have learned to play an instrument, which leads you to wonder: Do other candidates have "Dark Tranquillity" at heart? or Do they just want to be elected? I connote you all to judge who is Blind At Heart and who is of Atom Heart.

As a puppeteer, I understand their puppet-speak. I recognize the strings, pulled on the party line - their actions are dictated by the interests of others like themselves, the newbies. Many of those handshakers intend, with false or humorous speech, to obtrude in you a henchman, an accessory of sorts.
I was drawn to stand for myself, with atz23874r there is no party line, except on cannabis, and as a candidate I uphold my aims and principles on the single issue of legalization as well as my views along the lines of metal.

I have been going longer than some of the independents, and running for a shorter time than others, but do not let those who put "join date" as a primary factor ensnare you! It is this forum, and the rejoicing of Dark Tranquillity's fanbase what matters to me, and I perch undaunted in my sentiment.

However, I have not been given by the TV media an equal standing, nor have I requested it. It is this type of bias that is dangerous for democracy. Please vote to change all this. My goals are: To praise the essence of the Gothenburg sound without limiting my ears to pre-defined notes and riffs, to improve the forum's vibe, to create diversity of posting, to help the moderators, to put intelligent remarks first and prosperity for all in a very virtuous second stand.

I exhort you to follow my campaign for more insight on my goals.

 

[rahvin]

Done and done.


I hereby nominate Jolty as newbie of the year, for the following reasons:

1. She posted once in 2003 on this very forum, then went on a four-year meditation hiatus only to return, none the worse for wear, to this very same board at the end of last November. That in the meantime she didn't forget about Dark Tranquillity, the Internet, or got pregnant is a feat in itself and should be rewarded with plenty glorious things, such as pineapples.

2. She's from Canada. Now, we all know Canada is a better and cooler version of the United States, where everybody is as-hip-as but also way more leftist, without necessarily being a communist. I asked Jolty if she was a communist and she didn't reply, either because she was offended by this horrible suspicion or because I only asked her in my imagination. You choose.

3. She's a girl. On the Internet. I mean, come on, how could she possibly lose this? It's obvious that, whether you're in Norway or Ghana, voting for this girl is going to get you laid. And quickly.*

4. Judging from her candid admission here that she likes Rotting Christ, she's not afraid of taking huge gulps of shame and derision for breakfast. And yet! She handles this embarrassing revelation with humor which is both unsuspected and unprecedented and other words with many syllables that I'm probably too pressed for time to spell correctly at the moment.

5. She works in a music store. And all of you Internet-savvy and money-broke users know that, if she wins, this can only mean one thing for us: Exact Audio Copy + Lame Encoder + VBR + Massive ripping of certaind CD'S + Open Slots for All Forum Users. And if what I just said means absolutely nothing to you, congratulations: you're barely normal!


@Jolty: We're gonna win this, mark my words. To accomplish this, however, I suggest that you change your avatar as soon as possible. Something sleek and ironic, without being crude or offensive, could work miracles here. Jesus Christ cutting open his own chest while holding a reversed crucifix and playing in blood in a pig-sty would do the trick, I think. You can trust me. I led many an Internet poster to victory and none of them ever crossed the Atlantic to beat me up.




*Well, how quickly actually depends on when's the next hippopotamus or reindeer going to pass by your place.

 

[afz902k]

You know what? My vote goes for Jolty
I have to! It complies with my "other" promise, the one I made in my first (or at least one of my first) post here.

 

[Matse]

After asg965y's speech I first thought to write a counterspeech. Better, faster, harder, deeper. But now that I know that Jolty's nominated I give up. Entirely. I'm sorry but I'm too weak to stand up to this challenge.

 

[afz902k]

Matse, you're a cool guy. I'd vote of you if you were female.

 

[stardrowned]

Naaa I'd vote for Matse.

 

[plintus]

2. She's from Canada. Now, we all know Canada is a better and cooler version of the United States, where everybody is as-hip-as but also way more leftist, without necessarily being a communist. I asked Jolty if she was a communist and she didn't reply, either because she was offended by this horrible suspicion or because I only asked her in my imagination. You choose.

Dude.

You are, like, never's been to Kanada, eh? It's cold as fuck there, and all cool people live on the territories which meant to be US anyway. Say, something happens in Canada, and where all those French Canadians will go? I doubt it's gona be France

And girl on the Internet end up being cold fat ugly ZZ Top dudes... likes I imagine Arch as. Smelly, too.

 

[Jolty]

Aww, Rahvin. That's the longest thing anyone has ever said about me.

 

[rahvin]

Aww, Rahvin. That's the longest thing anyone has ever said about me.

Feed this line to plintus and we'll have your first supporter! He'll do wonders with words like "long" and "aww", and even "rahvin", come to think of it.

If you're a ZZ Top dude, ugly, or even slightly overweight, I want my money back.

edit: you're allowed to be cold.

 

[Dark_Silence]

i nominate Matse. He has a nice sense of humor!

 

[solefald]

well I would vote for matse because of his cool glases he stole from a cool dead pilot and the curtains behind him and because the curtains are bavarian curtains...matse wennste gewinnst gibtsn freibier aber kein löwenbräu