Official Off Topic Thread

[HackerX]

fuckin A man, everytime when I get done I say..... "whos your daddy.... whos your daddy ?" ....

Eww, there are laws against that!

Not that that stops people:
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,23494953-2,00.html

 

[noble savage]

Keeping to the sex theme......

I teach guitar at a music school.....i get a new guitar student.....i meet his mum....she looks familiar.....she introduces herself...her name fits the face....i drop my name (as you do when introducing yourself)....her face tells me she has registered who i am.....awkward silence.....i ask her son how old he is.....he's 13....i do the maths....phew!...i'm in the clear. But i just can't look at this kid without thinking about the tremelo arm of my friends charvel that i slid into her ass whilst listening to Spread Eagle in the summer of 93.

I am sorry.

That was one of the funniest things I have ever read. Hahaha

 

[EyeballKid]

Somehow, I'm just having trouble believing that. Just far too funny of a visual...

 

[J-Dubya 777]

100% true.

That's fuking hysterical! Too bad you didn't have one in your hand that you could have twirled around while you talked with her....

 

[Taliwakker]

Canberra has a population of approx 320 000.....i've been teaching guitar at the same school for 13 years (this October). Had around 600+ students in this time. Something like this was bound to happen eventually. Not that i stick unusual objects up the asses of all the girls i've slept with...but she was a dirty ho...and i had some inside info on what i could get away with.....i remember the shame of finding out later that night that i was the 2nd in a trilogy of fucks for her. I never had unprotected sex again (until i met mrs wakker) and prompted me to have my first hiv/std test.

 

[Taliwakker]

That's fuking hysterical! Too bad you didn't have one in your hand that you could have twirled around while you talked with her....

Yeah...its a pity he's only learning acoustic guitar.
I told my boss....and he said its lucky for her i didn't play the violin

 

[Beelzebub]

Oh my lord I lol'd so hard. By request, I will share a humiliating sex story of mine:

Long story short, I was sick and I puked on my ex while giving him head. Plus I had M&M's beforehand so it was rainbow colored.

 

[DoomsdayZach]

Alright, embarrassing i can roll with because that shit's funny. Don't need to know intimate details about all nighters, but embarassing....

With my first serious girlfriend, there was one time where we were going at it and i went for a particularly hard thrust, and in the process cracked my head against the corner of my desk. There was a second of "oh shit.... ok it's fine... keep going.... y'know, fuck this, i'm done" and i just rolled over and went to sleep

 

[CantoX]

This shit is too funny. I almost pissed my pants.. dear goodness..

First girlfriend I had was pretty, artsy, smart, fun, and most of all had an extremely hot ass. I was in heaven.
Then it turns out shes not into the type of relationship I wanted ( serious ), she was looking for something more "light and entertaining". ( quoted )

I wish one day to have funny sex tales.

 

[razoredge]

OK, so.... yas all a bunch of sick pups

this "Symphony X - Sex Ed" is the funniest freakin thing yet

I have stories I shall not tell, that shits just wrong man...

Heres my latest deal, myself and a near 20 year co inhabit relationship has been dwindling for a loooong time. Bad the past 6 months, so as of three weeks ago.... Im on my own again..... sounds great right? freedom cant be beat, time to go chase some ladies, live it up..... well I just hit 50 yesterday, so Im like WTF, big demand for the likes of my kind. gonna be alright, I have faith

 

[J-Dubya 777]

Yeah...its a pity he's only learning acoustic guitar.
I told my boss....and he said its lucky for her i didn't play the violin

Hah! Yeah, or cello!

Oh my lord I lol'd so hard. By request, I will share a humiliating sex story of mine:

Long story short, I was sick and I puked on my ex while giving him head. Plus I had M&M's beforehand so it was rainbow colored.

Some people will pay for that kind of thing. I can only relate a story that happened to a friend of mine (now deceased). No, it was not ME, because I'd love to take credit for it. It appeared that going out for Mexican food before heading home for a night of shagging might not have been the best idea for him & his girlfriend at the time. While going at it doggy style, a momentary bout of incontinence hit her while under digestive duress. He said he was pounding away when he heard something BAD, then smelled something BAD, and looked own only to see himself spattered with a moderate amount of loose stool. He said it was the most disgusting thing he had ever had happen to him. He talked about that for YEARS after it happened....

OK, so.... yas all a bunch of sick pups

this "Symphony X - Sex Ed" is the funniest freakin thing yet

I have stories I shall not tell, that shits just wrong man...

Heres my latest deal, myself and a near 20 year co inhabit relationship has been dwindling for a loooong time. Bad the past 6 months, so as of three weeks ago.... Im on my own again..... sounds great right? freedom cant be beat, time to go chase some ladies, live it up..... well I just hit 50 yesterday, so Im like WTF, big demand for the likes of my kind. gonna be alright, I have faith

First of all, Happy Belated birthday old man! AARP card is just around the corner! .

Secondly, welcome to the spinster club! Unless you're really co-dependant, its not such a bad thing.... :zombie:

 

[Jax]

'kay, next topic..

..cuz you never know when someone..or their kids..may be peeking in. *cough*

Thanks ya'll.

 

[Kenneth R.]

aww, I didn't get to post an embarrassing one yet. Maybe I'll just innuendo.

Had a roomate, got walked in on bigtime. Next time locked him out in a towel.

 

[razoredge]

AARP card is just around the corner! .

Secondly, welcome to the spinster club! Unless you're really co-dependant, its not such a bad thing.... :zombie:

thanks JD, I dont mind so much, at least I've developed a sense of humor in recent years, something I always lacked, twas all business back when I should have been enjoying myself. Im not really dependant but I like having someone, especially if their acrobatic... so I've decided anyone over 25 is too old...... Ha!

 

[Jax]

GO SHARKS!!!!!

Game 1 tonight..I'll be there in all my teal-lovin' glory!

 

[OfSinsAndShred]

What a valiant attempt at pulling our minds out of the gutter.

Go Pens?

 

[DoomsdayZach]

Last night at band practice we decided to start planning out west coast tour for Skelator. Pretty damned excited, should be hitting up down the west coast to a few mexican dates and then we'll see... not sure of the exact plan. I know there are a few folks here who are on the way down the coast, so hopefully we'll see some of you in August. Not much has been decided yet as far as dates and locations and everything (we just got this shit underway last night) but it looks like it'll go from early-mid august till mid-end of august, about 2 weeks (maybe a hair longer).

More details as we get them. Woo.

 

[darkblade]

not embarrassing, but crazy nonetheless. 2 summers ago i was on a family beach trip with my girlfriends family. i got the worst sunburn i have EVER had. like a lobster i was. well, her and i went home early the next day ad for some odd reason ended up doing buisness on her very VERY rough carpet. why oh why was i on bottom that night. my back hasn't forgotten that pain.

seriously though i thnk it may have made the sex better though. hahaha.

 

[Meedleyx10]

this is getting way too real

 

[Taliwakker]

So you got sunburnt and had a root......that shit happens everyday in Australia.