OMFG the new Bill Brasky

found some more>>



-The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

-A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

-The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

-Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

-Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

-Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

-Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

-Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

-Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.

-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

-Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

-Chuck Norris once decided to make a vibrator that would simulate the size and power of his actual penis. The result was a baseball bat tied to a jackhammer.

-Jesus's Birthday isn't December 25 but Chuck Norris once sent him a birthday card for that day, Jesus was too scared to tell Chuck the truth. Thats why we celebrate Christmas
 
ahhhhhahahahahah


-Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.

-Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.

-Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.

-Mr. T pities fools because even fools deserves their daily dose of vitamin T.

-Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.

-Yoda had two sons. To one he taught pity, to the other he gave the gift of the beard.

-Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.

-23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.

-On the A-team, Face , Hannibal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him out of fear.

-Mr. T once shook hands with Chuck Norris, or so it appeared, in actuality, their combined power caused an earthquake, which gave their hands a look of shaking to any onlookers, who were probably too scared to accurately testify anyway.

-There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.

-Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.

-Despite popular belief, Mr. T in fact ended the civil rights movement by getting on a bus....all caucasian people moved to the back.

-Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.

-Mr. T's pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstration of the concept of infinity.

-Mr. T can rip a phonebook in half with his bare testicles.

-Mr. T's mother didn't breast feed him. He milked her.

-Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.

-Mr. T once bit off more than he could chew. He ate it anyway.

-Mr. T skis uphill.

-Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.

-Mr. T puts the laughter in manslaughter.

-Why does Mr. T pity himself? He'll never get to have sex with Mr. T.

-Behind every great man, there is a great woman. Behind that woman is Mr. T.

-It took five women 2 years to give birth to Mr. T.

-The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him. What occured next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded in human history.

-Mr. T once pitied the sun. An ice age followed.

-Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

-Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.

-Mr. T once rocked the Casbah. Which explains why there is no longer a Casbah.
 
-Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.

hahahaha. Ohh man these things never got old do they.
 
Chromatose said:
-Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.


ha!! I can't stop laughing at this one.