Online friends versus "Real" friends

[Lina]

Metalmancpa's and Belial's recent threads on friendships got me thinking:

1) Have any of you met an internet friend in person?

2) What do your "real-life" friends think of the time you spend online?

3) Do you consider your internet friends to be "legitimate" friends? Or do you purposefully make an effort to keep the two realms separate? Meaning, do you not let yourself get attached to anyone online because "they're not real"?

~~~~

1) I've never met anyone from online in person, although, given certain precautions, I would be open to it.

2) My friends are not into the Internet at all, and they still think anyone I meet online must automatically be a serial killer or a pervert. This board has become such a part of my life that I often want to tell my real-life friends a story about it -- but I always stop myself, because the few times I have mentioned this board, they just look at each other and roll their eyes.

There's still a stigma surrounding the internet -- that it's for anti-social nerds who can't connect with people in real life. And even though I don't believe this, I know most people do, so I'm often embarassed to tell people about someone I've met online.

3) I think you can get to know a person online very deeply -- even deeper, faster (no perverted comments, please ), than in real life because you're less constrained by appearances and manners.

Metalmancpa has sometimes said, none of us know each other really, but I don't necessarily agree with that.

 

[Blackspirit]

1) Have any of you met an internet friend in person?

Yupp. I really hate doing it, feels weird, but I have met a couple.
I am actually proud to say that I met my loverboy online!
Isn't that cute? ) He's the nicest person on the inside, and the
cutest on the outside! Could I be more lucky?! >)

I have also met one person who I feel I can share alot of private
thoughts with, but since I moved away from the city we both
used to live in we're now just internetfriends again /

Then there are the metalheads that I have ran into at concerts.
Whoooh, lovely )


2) What do your "real-life" friends think of the time you spend online?

At first they didn't get it, and they probably still don't, but they
have learnt to deal with it, and take it as a part of me )


3) Do you consider your internet friends to be "legitimate" friends? Or do you purposefully make an effort to keep the two realms separate? Meaning, do you not let yourself get attached to anyone online because "they're not real"?

I always get attached to people I talk to, online or in real.
If someone let me down I will get hurt, it's something I just can't
help. I put a lot of trust in people. Some people online are not
important to me. They can be gone for a couple of months and
when they get back we start talking again as if nothing has
happened, while if others are gone for more than a week I get
worried.... Just like in real life. But I still don't make dates to
meet people I've met online, it doesn't feel right in some way.

 

[Liquid Tension]

I'm MUCH more active in the Professional Bowler's forum and have met so many great people through it. It does help that we travel all over the area bowling in tournaments against each other.

My friends think I buy too much music and they blame it on the internet. My wife wishes that I would spend less time in the forums and online looking for new music.

Enjoy the moment......

 

[Belial]

1) Have any of you met an internet friend in person?

No, never have, and probably never will.

2) What do your "real-life" friends think of the time you spend online?

My "real-life" aquaintences couldn't care less what I do online or off. They are hardly aware of my existence as it is, and if I were to do something extreme it wouldn't matter to them. Thus I don't care what they think of my time online, if they think about it at all.

3) Do you consider your internet friends to be "legitimate" friends? Or do you purposefully make an effort to keep the two realms separate? Meaning, do you not let yourself get attached to anyone online because "they're not real"?

I have only three people I talk to online, two of which I hardly catch online, and another I'm just incompatable with. However, I still have thoughts on this topic. I think that it is definitely possible, and even healthy, to get attatched to someone online. Even though you all appear only as pictures and text to me, I still sense a person behind those words, and I thus feel compelled to treat you all with the respect I you deserve as people.

The same goes for online friends. They may be sitting behind a computer, but they are still people, and that is reason enough to allow someone online to become close to you.

Still, in my opinion, online friends are simply no substitute for real life friends. I prefer to actually be in the person's presence, and he in mine. It's just a bit more... personal.

 

[Jayde]

1) Have any of you met an internet friend in person?
No

2) What do your "real-life" friends think of the time you spend online?
"?I don't think they give a shit

3) Do you consider your internet friends to be "legitimate" friends? Or do you purposefully make an effort to keep the two realms separate? Meaning, do you not let yourself get attached to anyone online because "they're not real
I'm only attached to a couple of wonderful guys here: Zack and Jim

 

[ZirnaLuna]

Originally posted by Lina

1) Have any of you met an internet friend in person?

2) What do your "real-life" friends think of the time you spend online?

3) Do you consider your internet friends to be "legitimate" friends? Or do you purposefully make an effort to keep the two realms separate? Meaning, do you not let yourself get attached to anyone online because "they're not real"?

1) Have any of you met an internet friend in person?

Why yes I have, actually. Which, honestly, was very out of character for me at the time. I just felt really confident about my "friend," and his honesty, so it just felt right. As Blackspirit said, he was actually a "loverboy" of mine for a while too. Maybe he will be again one day, who knows. I will say this though: Although I was rather skeptical, meeting him was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

2) What do your "real-life" friends think of the time you spend online?

They couldn't care less.

3) Do you consider your internet friends to be "legitimate" friends? Or do you purposefully make an effort to keep the two realms separate? Meaning, do you not let yourself get attached to anyone online because "they're not real"?

"They are not real"?? Of course they are real. I guess it depends on your definition of a "real friend", but in my opinion, a friend that you meet online (and only online) can be just as dear, if not more, than a friend that you have physically met. I don't get attached to just anyone very quickly, but to answer your question, no I don't hold myself back from people that I meet online.

 

[SentencedToBurn]

1) Have any of you met an internet friend in person?

Nope

2) What do your "real-life" friends think of the time you spend online?

Everyone of my friends has the internet except for one and he is getting it soon and will probably join this board. i dont think they could give a shit what i do online.

3) Do you consider your internet friends to be "legitimate" friends? Or do you purposefully make an effort to keep the two realms separate? Meaning, do you not let yourself get attached to anyone online because "they're not real"?

Well i draw a line somewhere. i consider my real friends diffrent then my online friends. i only speak to like 4 people i dont know in real life. but it does feel like i know these people on this board. like if you met a close person that you talk to on this forum at a concert or something, would you feel like your talking to a stranger, or someone you know?? i think i would feel like i would be talking to someone i knew.

 

[Obyeybyeogone]

1) Kind of.. I was playing Counter-strike and someone said "Does anyone live in Jacksonville" I said "yes". Then we narrowed it down, and we were in the same German class for half a year, and had never talked to each other. I also met someone on Ultima Online that I later played paintball with.

2) I've mentioned the UM boards to my friends sometimes, and thye either ignore me or say some stupid comment calling me a goth (which pisses me off)

3) I consider my internet friends more legitimate than my real friends because i'm much more open with internet friends (only because I have more in common with internet friends, you're limited to 100 million people to find interests with instead of 1,000. (my school) )

 

[Lina]

Originally posted by ZirnaLuna
"They are not real"?? Of course they are real. I guess it depends on your definition of a "real friend", but in my opinion, a friend that you meet online (and only online) can be just as dear, if not more, than a friend that you have physically met.

I agree with you. I put that in quotes because that's what other people would say.

 

[Claire's Horror]

Originally posted by Lina
Metalmancpa's and Belial's recent threads on friendships got me thinking:

1) Have any of you met an internet friend in person?

yes.

2) What do your "real-life" friends think of the time you spend online?

I don't think they care at all.

3) Do you consider your internet friends to be "legitimate" friends? Or do you purposefully make an effort to keep the two realms separate? Meaning, do you not let yourself get attached to anyone online because "they're not real"?

I've found some truly interesting people over the iNet, which I later met in person. The internet can be a good source for meeting people, yet the relation should not be maintained only through the internet. That won't help a lot to know the person as it should be, I think.

~~~~

 

[Melancholia]

1) Have any of you met an internet friend in person?

yes,very few ones -I rarely speak with greeks online- and that happened of course after having talked much with that guys.
I would also like to meet two people i speak quite a lot with,but well we live in different countries.
And like Blackspirit I met my vutie one online = ) but when i first talked to him in that chatroom that night little did i know that someday i would start trading Cds with this guy and that later on he will be my boyfriend..it was a wonderful experience.

2) What do your "real-life" friends think of the time you spend online?

Hmmm i don't think they feel so cool about it...The fact that i have net-friends seems quite absurd to them...

3) Do you consider your internet friends to be "legitimate" friends? Or do you purposefully make an effort to keep the two realms separate? Meaning, do you not let yourself get attached to anyone online because "they're not real"?

Originally posted by Belial
I think that it is definitely possible, and even healthy, to get attatched to someone online. Even though you all appear only as pictures and text to me, I still sense a person behind those words, and I thus feel compelled to treat you all with the respect I you deserve as people.

The same goes for online friends. They may be sitting behind a computer, but they are still people, and that is reason enough to allow someone online to become close to you.

I completely agree wuth this...
and yes,just as i consider a few of the people i know to be real friends of mine and not just acquaintances,in the same way there are some very few people i talk on the net i consider them to be real friends

 

[Malaclypse]

1. no, i haven't (yet)
2. most of them don't even know when and where i'm online, so...
actually i tend to evade the word "friend" in combination with online aquaintances. to call one "friend", i have to look in his/her eyes.
3.that's why i wouldn't go so far to fall in love over the net. sure there are people i like more than others, but so far i never had that lovin' feeling. anyway it makes no sense if i had, because the distances are immense. internet only could be the first step to get to know new interesting women, but falling in love still takes place in the real world.
but as several of oyu already said, aquintances on the internet are often more open-minded and giving than real-life persons. you just get to talk about other topics, more deep topics.
and btw all my friends lack a good music taste... i would just lose much i i didn't talk about these matters on the net.

 

[DracWell]

1) Have any of you met an internet friend in person?

Yup. ALOT.

2) What do your "real-life" friends think of the time you spend online?

Couldn't care less. most of my IRL-friends are from the internet.

At least the better friends.

3) Do you consider your internet friends to be "legitimate" friends? Or do you purposefully make an effort to keep the two realms separate? Meaning, do you not let yourself get attached to anyone online because "they're not real"?

I tend to think that ppl I've talked to for more than a year and then meet and spend time with IRL become better friends than the one's I first meet IRL. You never know a person, but you know them more when there are just words/voices that are communicating and not beeing distracted by the body language, that's for later.

Ooh. I get so wise when I have my pipe in my mouth.

 

[MetalManCPA]

Originally posted by Lina
Metalmancpa's and Belial's recent threads on friendships got me thinking:

1) Have any of you met an internet friend in person?

2) What do your "real-life" friends think of the time you spend online?

3) Do you consider your internet friends to be "legitimate" friends? Or do you purposefully make an effort to keep the two realms separate? Meaning, do you not let yourself get attached to anyone online because "they're not real"?

.........Metalmancpa has sometimes said, none of us know each other really, but I don't necessarily agree with that.

1.) I have never met anyone that I've first met on the internet. Being married, I'm not sure how I would deal with it. My family, as most of America, only hears of the horror stories of the "perverts" seducing kids.

2.) Other than my family, no one knows, no one has asked, plus I don't feel I need to go around telling everybody about it. I spend time here while my wife watches TV.

3.) I consider the people here to be legitimate friends. I have a "cyber" attachment to people here, and I think the picture thread took it one step further by attaching a face to the names. The pessimistic side of me does think about this whole internet thing. I sometimes wonder if everybody here is portraying themselves truthfully. Those "horror" stories point out how people can portray themselves any way they want. People on this board have mentioned their freedom here, and have even mentioned having multiple identities. I think I have to keep this seperate from my physical life - it's what makes this place so special. It's a whole seperate world not clouded by what I see and hear in my everyday dealing with the world. I don't attempt to attach or detach myself from anyone on this board. If Opeth decided to pay for all of us to get together somewhere, I would probably go - even though it could risk things at home. I wouldn't even try to "force" people to understand what this place is. If you don't experience it for yourself - you just will never get it.

So when I say I don't know any of you - I mean it from the perspective of that doubtful piece of me. I want to believe, and really do believe that I've gotten to know the people here, and that you're all honest. It's why I ask those "deep" questions. It's how I think, and I've found out most of you think in the same manner. If I found out somehow that people here were not honest, it would solidify my belief in how I think most people really are. I think we're different here. I hope you all feel the same.

 

[SentencedToBurn]

I have a "cyber" attachment to people here, and I think the picture thread took it one step further by attaching a face to the names.

Dammit that just makes me feel more bad that i didnt post a picture. but i have no good pictures of me so it sucks. eh, one day i will post one (if anyone cares).

 

[Juggie]

Heres my real friend

 

[bleed for me]

i guess i'm not a real ppl person coz i don't have any good friends online or offline

in real life i know lots of ppl and lot of ppl know who i am and stuff but i don't really have anyone that i can connect to, talk to whatever....i think this is because there;s no one that i know that's interested in anything i like...such as music, everyone one listens to what's "cool"

but then again, in an environment with ppl who like the same music i do i still don't make friends.


i guess i am an anti-social nerd

 

[RETIREDTrapped]

I don't know if this couts for anything, but i have more online freinds that i do 'real-life' freinds.

I guess you can have the positives of freindship by having freinds online, but you can ignore everyone's annoying habits and negativities.

 

[tenebrose]

1) Have any of you met an internet friend in person?
Yes. My boyfriend is a very good example of that, I think. And I have met one of my boyfriend's friends (at the same time), who had harassed me online previously (now we harass each other in real life instead... or... not). And my friend Mikael, from further up the country... he's coming down here later. And there are the few cases of my friends' friends whom I met online before I met them IRL (my ex's best friend, a close friend's friend and a friend's second cousin). In two of those cases I met the person with the person who introduced us, though. And in two of those cases the meeting was 2 seconds long (but I later set up a meeting between us on a later date) Hrm... and my friend Stefan, whom I go to school with, I'd actually talked to online before we met in real life, but we were quite unaware of who we were at the time.
I talk a lot online with people I met once in real life, though, such as at a party, and hit it off with, so I look them up online and we talk some more and maybe meet again.


2) What do your "real-life" friends think of the time you spend online?
They're glad I spend so much time online... if it wasn't for ICQ we'd have to call each other.


3) Do you consider your internet friends to be "legitimate" friends? Or do you purposefully make an effort to keep the two realms separate? Meaning, do you not let yourself get attached to anyone online because "they're not real"?
Some of them, I do consider legitimite friends. Some I do not. It depends on the kind of relation you get going. There are a few people I know online with whom I'm in perfect tune with. I'd consider them legitimite friends, and would meet them if the chance arose (and they would likewise). Oddly enough, these are occultists in their mid-20's, like some of the people I get along best with in real life as well.
There are people I don't know well online whom I'd probably not consider my friends, but whom I'd trust enough to meet anyway. I'm active in mailing-lists, promoting my religious tradition, and have gotten myself a fair reputation in the online community. There are indeed people on these lists with whom I've definitely not been good friends, whom I'd actually like to meet and go out for a cup of coffee with. I see it as any other type of corrsepondence. It's just a lot quicker than if we were debating it in a quarterly journal...

 

[lumen]

I've never met anyone I talk to online, but my one friend has met a few that she found online, and then I had to meet them too. I would likely be into it if any of the few people I talk to a lot lived close, but they're all far away. Also - we met a guy that my husband started talking to online (and his wife).

My one friend has gone through phases of thinking that talking to people online is ridiculous, totally cool, risky, and a waste of time.
Some people are amused, but ususally just don't get it.
A couple of close people get concerned about it now and then, but just don't get it either.

It's sometimes easier to talk about real life problems with online friends, just because it's not face to face, and they are safely out of the situation. Still I try to avoid getting attached to people in general and this includes online buddies as well as real life friends. But I don't think I could get as attached to someone I haven't met in person anyway.