What's amazing to me is how many weird twists and turns this story had...
When I was young, our family took a flight to Germany on an Air Force cargo plane, and did the same thing coming back. If you've ever been on a C-5 or other plane like it, then you know how LOUD these things are--loud enough that they have to issue earplugs to all the passengers. Well, I went into the little airplane bathroom. I remembered thinking the door was really hard to lock shut. That should've been the first warning when I was trying to hard to LOCK the thing.
So I finish up in there, and I'm all ready to go back to my seat. I try to get it unlocked and it won't budge a BIT. This being an airplane bathroom, crawling out was not an option. And being a utilitarian military aircraft, there wasn't one of those buttons you can use to call the flight attendant either. I was so determined to get out of there that I grabbed onto the latch, got my back up on one side of the bathroom and BOTH my feet up on the other side. That's how small that damn bathroom was. So I'm basically throwing all my strength into trying to budge this lock, and not even THAT is budging it.
Now remember how LOUD this aircraft is, and the fact that everyone has earplugs on. I was really thinking I'd have to ride all the way back to America on the toilet or at least wait a LONG time until my family figured out I shouldn't have been in there that long. So I started banging on the door and yelling, and I was pretty sure that was a lost cause. But I got really lucky--someone in the back of the airplane heard. What's even funnier--it was this kid I'd been playing arcade games with in the airport terminal both when we CAME to Germany AND when we left it, by random chance we'd had the exact same flights (which is impressive because when you hop on cargo planes, you do it Space-A...which means standby).
So this kid had to go get the loadmaster (which is more than a flight attendant--it's the person on a cargo plane who takes care of both the passengers and whatever the cargo is that they're carrying) to open the bathroom up from the outside. When he let me out of there, I then had to do the walk of shame all the way back up to the front of the plane to where my parents were.
I felt ashamed, anyway...nobody but the people in the back row and the loadmaster had any clue what had happened.
But there was a twist on this story years later! Apparently my dad went to work and told other people in his squadron the story. So at one point, I was writing one of those generic "Dear Soldier" letters (I think it was for Bosnia or something...I can't remember anymore), and I decided to amuse the troops by telling that story. By some freakish coincidence, the letter showed up in a unit where some people knew my dad, and it was read out loud in front of a bunch of them! I found out about it months after the fact, and I just could NOT believe it.
So there you go, guys...there's my bathroom humor. You may be able to top that in grossness and craziness, but I think you'll have a hard time in beating the longevity of this saga...longer than an entire roll of toilet paper unrolled!
