Synopsis:
The world is changed.
(Han matho de RC)
I feel it in the Vodka.
(Han mathon nAd cae.)
I feel it in the frost bitten Siberian soil.
(A han noston nAd gwilith.)
I smell it in the air.
Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it. (Too piss drunk)
It began with the forging of the Great Rings. Three were given to the GMD Commies, mortal, illiterate, and just the absolute dregs of all beings. Seven to the Dwarf-Lords, great misers and paypigs of the mountain halls.(How else would they get any?) And nine, nine rings were gifted to the Men of RC, who above all else desire heavy methullll powaaaaa. For within these rings was bound the strength and the will to govern each of the slovenly ilk. But they were all of them deceived, for another ring was made. Deep in the land of Hortor, ( in the Fires of Mount Vato Loco, the Dark Lord Скот forged a master ring, and into this ring he poured his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life.
One ring to rule them all.
One by one, the free lands of Middle-Earth fell to the power of the Ring, but there were some who resisted. A last alliance of men and paypigs marched against the armies of Hortor, and on the very slopes of Mount Simp, they fought for the freedom of Middle-Earth. Victory was nigh, but the power of the ring could not be undone. It was in this moment, when all hope had faded, that Trylakos, son of the king, took up his father’s sweater..
Susperia, enemy of the free peoples of Middle-Earth, was defeated. The Ring passed to Mormagil, who had this one chance to destroy evil forever, but the hearts of men are easily sedated by cough syrup. And the ring of power has a will of its own. It betrayed Mormagil, to his death.
And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. RC History became legend. Legend became A Friday Compendium. And for two and a half thousand threads, the ring passed out of all knowledge. Until, when chance came, it ensnared another bearer.
It came to the creature Lord Red Dragon, who took it deep into the tunnels of the Misty Mountains. And there it consumed him. The ring gave to LRD an unnatural interest in Marvel Cinematography. For five hundred threads it poisoned his mind, and in the gloom of LRD’s cave, it waited. Darkness crept back into the subs of UM. Rumor grew of a shadow in the East, whispers of a nameless fear, and the Ring of Power perceived its time had come. It abandoned Dragon, but then something happened that the Ring did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable: a hobbit, Celibo Moosegins, of the Shire.
For the time will soon come when hobbits will shape the fortunes of all.
