stefan86's offtopic random retard thread - post away!

Cops have driven me home a couple times when I was walking home drunk as fakk at 1am.

Technically they could have put me in the drunk tank, but I am such a happy drunk and I am approachable and speak clearly so I guess they are just glad I would rather walk 5km home than drive drunk. :lol:.

Small town Canadian cops can't be bothered tasering me until I piss myself and then shooting me in the face twelve times. :)
 
I think I am going to start using the word "dung" more often in my daily vocabulary. Brb gotta take a dung.... Err.. Gotta go dung... Make a dung??

Fuck off I've got work to do.
 
I need a medic...

Note to self, dont sneeze while taking a shit.
I sneezed so hard that my anus launched the whole load in one go and I feel like it's leaking now. Also, the filling in my tooth fell out. Fuck sneezes.
 
I always wondered what would happen in that situation... I was once told it was impossible to sneeze while pissing and I went out of my way to do exactly that. It went pretty well I think, I only hit three of the decorative sea-shells in the bathroom.
 
They say its impossible to read in your dream which is bullshit, because the amount of exams i took during the dream is too damn high. So I wont try mu luck with sneezing and pissing at the same time. My butt still hurts.
 
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I live in the bible belt of the South, here in the states. I was constantly berated for not being religious. To deal with the hand I was given I became Catholic in 2013. Now people are still the same. They still shun me. I also became religious so these "Country girls" would be more accepting of me. I need to relocate to where people are not such pompous jerks.
 
i would assume it would be easy to move places inside US? Also Mike Rowe says there is plenty of good paying jobs if you are willing to relocate
 
I live in the bible belt of the South, here in the states. I was constantly berated for not being religious. To deal with the hand I was given I became Catholic in 2013. Now people are still the same. They still shun me. I also became religious so these "Country girls" would be more accepting of me. I need to relocate to where people are not such pompous jerks.

Burn a church or two!

In all seriousness though, you can't really do much about that. If you want advice: get the hell out of there. Surely it is possible to move to somewhere that is nicer than those religious nuts :)