Stupid jokes

[Dado-x]

You gotta laught at these:




What do you call a telephone with no udder?
Herman.

What do you get when you cross two radios named Steve?
Pumpkin pie.

Where do little children think babies come from?
The recycling plant down the street.

What is the name of the smallest leaf on a tree?
I don't know, but this coffee sucks.

 

[Soul of Ice]

uhhh....I dont get them

 

[Strat Player]

whats the difference between you and a sick mallard? well ones a sick duck. I don't remember the rest of it, but your mothers a whore...hahahaha, i used this one on a few peope this wekk, i love this joke

 

[HateCrewDeathroll]

Have you ever heard the one about the hooker, the pimp, and the 10 pound salami?

Me either...

 

[azal]

two penguins taking a shower...
one says to the other "hey could you pass the soap?"
the other one says "what do I look like, a radio?"
------

Q: what did the chipmunk say while riding on the back of an armadillo??


A: WOOHOOO!!!
----------

I always do this one to my friends on the phone.

me: hey what's 4 inches and hangs down?
friend: what?
me: a fruit bat.
me: what's 12 inches and hangs up?
friend: what?
me: *hangs up the phone*

Dado.....

tri babe sede u mraku......cetvrta dodje i upali svetlo

I'll let dado-x translate that one

 

[Dado-x]

Well, three old ladies were sitting in the dark...

...and then the fourth one came and turned on the lights! AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHA!

 

[Dado-x]

So Superman is walking down the street, dressed up as Clark Kent,
when he hears someone screaming "Stop! He's got my purse!"
He sees a little old lady, and a man running away from her at maximum speed,
clutching a purse-shaped object in his hand.

Superman immediately gives chase, a
nd after leaping three tall buildings with three single bounds, catches up.
He and the man have a nice conversation
about baking cookies, and resolve to meet up later for some drinks.

 

[Snowmaker]

Three nuns were walking down the street when all of a sudden a guy comes up to them and flashes them. Well, ... the first nun, she had a stroke. Then the second nun had a stroke. But the third nun refused to touch it at all.

 

[†Russel Allen†®]

THE ITALIAN WHO WENT TO NEW YORK

(Must be read with an Italian accent)

One day ima gonna Nuyok to bigga hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want to piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna to piss onma plate. She say you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch.

Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone wanna fock. I tell her you no understand, I wanna fock on the table. She say you better no fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch. So I go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. Call the manager tella him I wanna shit. He tell me to go to toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna shit on my bed. He say you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch.

I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: - Peace on you. I say piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch, I gonna back to Italy.

THIS ONE LEARNT ENGLISH IN A QUICK CLASS!

 

[†Russel Allen†®]

Ode to the Word "Fuck"

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word fuck. It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.

In language, fuck falls into many grammatical categories.

It covers quite a variety of meanings. Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:

1. Greetings: "How the fuck are ya?"
2. Fraud: "I got fucked by the car dealer."
3. Resignation: "Oh, fuck it!"
4. Trouble: "I guess I'm fucked now."
5. Aggression: "FUCK YOU!"
6. Authority: "Get the fuck out of here!"
7. Disgust: "Fuck me."
8. Confusion or perplexity: "What the fuck .......?"
9. Difficulty: "I don't understand this fucking business!"
10. Despair: "Fucked again ..."
11. Pleasure: "I fucking couldn't be happier."
12. Displeasure: "What the fuck is going on here?"
13. Lost: "Where the fuck are we? - Bum fuck!"
14. Astonishment: "UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE!"
15. Retaliation: "Up your fucking ass!"
16. Denial: "I didn't fucking do it."
17. Being informed: "I know all the fuck about it."
18. Apathy: "Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?" / "I don't give a flying fuck"
19. Questioning authority: "Who the fuck are you?"
20. Panic: "Let's get the fuck out of here."
21. Annoyance: "Fuck off." / "Go fuck yourself."
22. Amazement: "How the fuck did you do that?"
23. Skepticism or an offensive response to threat: "Are you fucking with me?"

It can be used in an anatomical description - "He's a fucking asshole."
It can be used to tell time - "It's five fucking thirty."
It can be used in business - "How did I end up with this fucking job?"
It can be maternal - "Motherfucker."
It can be political - "Fuck Dan Quayle!"

It has also been used by many notable people throughout history:

"What the fuck was that?" - Mayor of Hiroshima
"Where did all these fucking Indians come from?" - General Custer
"Where the fuck is all this water coming from?" - Captain of the Titanic
"That's not a real fucking gun." - John Lennon
"Who's gonna fucking find out?" - Richard Nixon
"Heads are going to fucking roll." - Anne Boleyn
"Let the fucking woman drive." - Commander of Space Shuttle "Challenger"
"What fucking map?" - Mark Thatcher
"Any fucking idiot could understand that." - Albert Einstein
"It does so fucking look like her!" - Picasso
"How the fuck did you work that out?" - Pythagoras
"You want what on the fucking ceiling?" - Michaelangelo
"Fuck a duck." - Walt Disney
"Why?! Because its fucking there!" - Edmund Hilary
"Scattered fucking showers my ass." - Noah
"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head." - John F. Kennedy
"I'll shoot you if you fuck with my gun." - Charlton Heston

 

[the_satanic_rabbit]

I got a "knock knock" joke for ya...
you start it off.

 

[Dado-x]

who's there?

 

[the_satanic_rabbit]

jebi ga

 

[Dado-x]

 

[the_satanic_rabbit]

you didn't answer,
I was gonna say
jebi ga ti


Or another one
Knock Knock
Who's There
Od
Od Who?
Od Jebi

 

[ElPredicador]

Mickey says to minnie:
-Minnie, I want the divorce.
-Are you fucking crazy!!!!?!?!?
-No, i'm fucking Daisy

ahhaha

 

[Dado-x]

Originally posted by ElPredicador
Mickey says to minnie:
-Minnie, I want the divorce.
-Are you fucking crazy!!!!?!?!?
-No, i'm fucking Daisy

ahhaha

Fucking brilliant!

 

[The Yngster]

Originally posted by the_satanic_rabbit
jebi ga

Whats jebi ga :zombie:

 

[The Invisible Guest]

Originally posted by Dado-x
You gotta laught at these:




What do you call a telephone with no udder?
Herman.

What do you get when you cross two radios named Steve?
Pumpkin pie.

Where do little children think babies come from?
The recycling plant down the street.

What is the name of the smallest leaf on a tree?
I don't know, but this coffee sucks.

I don't get any of them. Maybe that's the joke?

 

[the_satanic_rabbit]

Basic Bosnian language lesson one:
(From an American who doesn't really know the language)
Jebati - to fuck
Jebi ga = Fuck it (fuck, shit)
Jebem ti mater = I fuck your mother (oh fuck, oh shit)
Jebi ce = Fuck you
Od Jebi = Fuck off (fight provoking)
Sta jebote? = What the fuck?
Babo jebac = Grandma fucker
Dedo jebac = Grandpa fucker
Boli mi kurac = My dick hurts (I don't give a shit)
Pusi mi kurac = Suck my dick

What other good ones am I missing?