The new chat thread - now with bitter arguing

[hyena]

thank you everyone for your advice.

@danny: of course i've talked with him about the whole thing. what i was summarising here came from nearly two weeks of discussions with him, illuminating moments of truth (TM) and such. the fact of not being 'a slut' has absolutely nothing to do with it, believe me. there's no question of sex until we have both solved conceptual problems, to start with. and anyway i would think lowly of him, not myself, if we accidentally slipped.

@kov: i believe you are right - my decision is probably already made. and all the rest of your comment is highly appropriate to the situation, too (except when you mention not resorting to speeches of the 'are you leaving her?' variety - these are exactly the kind of speeches which i am prone to when wanting to sort something out. 'yes or no, clarice?' )

 

[Taliesin]

hyena, why are you so focused on finding your soul mate? Not that there's anything wrong with trying to find the "right guy", but what's wrong with someone who just makes you happy, plain and simple?
You are one out of three christian young women I know who are on that quest and of all, you're doing the best job actually. The other two have never even had a bf and are determined to find their white knight in shiny armor, who'll marry them instantly.
Call me cynical, but I have my doubts this guy, a married one and from another country, too, will hold much happiness for you.

 

[afz902k]

Maybe he makes her happy, plain and simple.

 

[hyena]

@taliesin: the soulmate thing is because i feel isolated from most. it's not conceit, incidentally.

happiness - he kinda makes me giddy during waking hours. not sure that this is 'happy', although (as a scholar of happiness by trade, recently ) i am forced to acknowledge that since he's been in my life my baseline level of happiness has increased.

 

[Kovenant84]

Whoops, I guess I assumed too much, then.

And if you've already discussed it at length with him, and there is no resolution so far, perhaps I was wrong and the ultimatum is needed. I just meant that posing a question like that, if he answers "Yes, I'm leaving her," will leave you feeling like you're the cause. Just a thought, though.

In any case, best of luck with the whole encounter.

~kov.

 

[GONE Ridin' Hood]

^ He makes you laugh huh? I believe that's a very important factor in a relationship (or to start one). For example, I'm a total jerk when it comes to making jokes, and I say non-sense all the time and out of teh blue. I believe that's a very important factor in my relationship with Lady Gigi, because she has quite a lot of pressure and stuff, so me making her happy is IMO one of the reasons why she hasn't left me even though I'm quite an idiot at times .

Anyway, I don't think you should look for Prince Charming, let him come to you, do not force things, if it is meant to happen it will happen. Still, staying in your house all day doesn't help, you have to go out and socialize and then maybe he/she will appear.

 

[hyena]

Whoops, I guess I assumed too much, then.

And if you've already discussed it at length with him, and there is no resolution so far, perhaps I was wrong and the ultimatum is needed. I just meant that posing a question like that, if he answers "Yes, I'm leaving her," will leave you feeling like you're the cause. Just a thought, though.

Yes. Yes, you're right. We're not at ultimatum point (mainly because I only know, say, 40 per cent of relevant facts about his marriage, and I need to know more), but we made each other aware of involved feelings, thoughts and so on. I guess that next weekend will be teh dealbreaker. And thanks a lot for the support

 

[Siren]

Hmm DT forum's goddess of feminity, that could be our next contest.

Of course i wouldn't participate in it, as i would win the title by default. I'm generous, so i would let the mere mortals have their go at it.

 

[afz902k]

Maybe, If I don't win the newbie contest, which is actually possible, no really! Ha ha I mean it! Oh, you guys!

So, where was I? Ah yes. No. I forgot.

 

[Siren]

@hyena: good luck with this whole thing. i understand the situation, but unfortunately i can't say what's right or wrong and therefore can't offer any advice. there's a few points i'd like to make though:
a) you should consider the chance that if he leaves his wife (for you or not), he might leave you with the same ease when things get tough between you and something nice comes along.
b) difficulty in having kids with his wife. who knows if he'll be able to give you kids? and if i'm not totally wrong, i think you would want kids from your marriage.
c) at least as far as i am concerned, i often get faced with challenges of a similar kind. for example, when i say "there's not a chance i would consider this", i get faced with a situation where i'm actually forced to consider it. my situations are not exactly of this kind and i don't want to get in details, but i like to think of it as some sort of test. it helps us discover our limits (and set them for ourselves), expand our understanding of life and of difficult situations like these (and also to sympathise with people in similar situations, instead of harshly criticising them), and to come to conclusions of our own about the reasons we will or we will not do it, instead of basing our decisions on the preconceived ideas we have been fed.

 

[plintus]

Are y'all trying figure life out while got stuck to your keyboard? Go kill something already!

 

[plintus]

..and I've got my driver's license today.

Parallel parking was easy, driving - too (just been too careful ), almost failed when couldn't turn my high beams on

So now I can actually drive to see someone upstate for Pirates premiere, hmmmm

 

[Kovenant84]

Just let me know when you'll be on the road, and I'll be sure to keep the car in the garage that day.

In all seriousness, congrats.

~kov.

 

[DisplayofCharacter]

Congrats Plintus. Stay the hell outta Jersey. There are too many fuckin' cars on the road as it is.


On a sadder and more random note:
I won't be on as much. I still will be on every once and a while (to campaign for newb of the year), but right now I'm finishing up a tough and unexpected move, and the family I'll be staying with is still in the stone age (dial-up) so I'll have to use a friend's comp to do anything. Incidentally, I won't be around as much.

I less-than-three you all.

 

[plintus]

Yep, that's an achievement for me, even though I was ready: the test was 15/15 correct and driving - I've been practicing it for a while, all I need now is to get on a highway and speed up at 65 mph!

Can't say it was all that easy, but when you need something and work for it - you'll get it.

Like this job in a highrise 4 blocks away from my place where I'm at now

My real estate promotion thingy is doing wonders for people who belived in me Say, someone couldn't fill in a cool place right on the bay (I was there a few times during sunsets - beautiful!), they turned to me - BAM!!!, 2 requests in two days (i.e. $4000-5000 for them). Hope realtor who runs their property won't drop the ball.

 

[Matse]

Comment to Plintus with some irony and sarcasm:
Dammit, you are the awesomest guy I've ever heard of.

Comment to Plintus without any irony or sarcasm:
Dammit, you are the awesomest guy I've ever heard of.

 

[plintus]

Comment to Plintus with some irony and sarcasm:
Dammit, you are the awesomest guy I've ever heard of.

Comment to Plintus without any irony or sarcasm:
Dammit, you are the awesomest guy I've ever heard of.

Now I need to get that girl I... kinda... want... um, no, her name isn't Arch

 

[RampageSword]

@hyena: My reply comes of late I know. Well of what I've read, this man seems to shake in deeper spheres of your mind and soul than the average guy. The awkward situation in which you two are trapped leads you to certain options and what you may feel after the decision (whichever it might be) is of course all up to you.

1- I understand you'd feel like you're responsible for his divorce, if divorce there is, and I do agree that you coming into his life might actually be a cause for the precipitation of his decision. However, I believe that, if he does get a divorce, judging by what you said about his current relationship, his decision would not have been made because of you but because of the whole of the relation. Maybe a divorce now would even save him and her from a more painful one in 5 years from now for all we know. That said, I think you should not feel absolute guilt if this ends up being his decision.

2- The other option of course is for you two to go part ways and return to your lives as if nothing happened. Well if this is the outcome there is not much to say. You'll suffer the loss and for a couple of weeks, or days you'll think that maybe you should have...However know that returning to the initial situation also means that you lost nothing. Since you two having a relation would actually have consequences on his wife, a breakup would also mean that she would not suffer any loss.

But what if you two decide to go with it, he gets a divorce and in the end it's actually all the better for all three members of this twisted love triangle? Or could it be for the worse? But these are questions you might want to avoid asking yourself at the moment, they can lead to some endless thinking and headaches.

 

[Arch]

Plintus talks about his life on this thread like a little girl whoring attention.

 

[afz902k]

And if anyone really cared, it would be a whoracle.