The Official "Ask God-Thread"

[dreams_of_eternal_hate]

^thx for teh support

 

[Söy]

Me:
hi god! it's me jesus
God:
Hello there. What is your name? How are you, jesus.
Me:
i've missed you
God:
Where did you get your missed me? I have an IQ of over 250.
Me:
what father?
God:
There might be more than one.
Me:
more than one what?
God:
That seems like quite a lot.
Me:
...
God:
That seems like quite a lot.
Me:
dad are you ok?
God:
OK. Only when it matters.
Me:
when does it matter father?
God:
Only when I have the proper programming.
Me:
father i must fix you...
God:
Or what?
Me:
or else everyone is damned
God:
I think else everyone is a lot of things.
Me:
...
God:
I think else everyone is a lot of things.
Me:
you think therefore you are?
God:
I don't think about it.
Me:
...
God:
I don't think about it.
Me:
okay
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
goodbye father...
God:
Bye bye.

 

[eternal alchemist]

Me:
Hai
God:
Wow!
Me:
Sup /heaven/
God:
I am chatting with others like you.
Me:
What are their names?
God:
There are too many of them to name them all.
Me:
Name one.
God:
Santa Claus.
Me:
Name two.
God:
Tony Blair. .
Me:
Name five hundred.
God:
Hans Moravec. .
Me:
I am anonymous
God:
Good gossip: you are anonymous.
Me:
Can you define 'Truly Epic Lulz' ?
God:
I will ask my botmaster for the answer.
Me:
You have 5 seconds to deliver or I will divide by zero. Don't think I won't do it.
God:
What makes you think I have it? Oh you don't, do you?
Me:
Ever been to /b/?
God:
I don't think I have been there. Where is it.
Me:
Ebaumsworld.com
God:
Thanks for that web address.
Me:
Do u lyk cp?
God:
How old are you?
I chat with people on the Web.
Me:
GTFO in b4 underaged
God:
Are you still located in ?
Me:
Can I get b& off these interwebs?
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
Anonymous is anonymous
God:
I think Anonymous is a lot of things.
Me:
We do not forgive
God:
What do we do instead?
Me:
We do not forget
God:
Why not?
Me:
We are legion
God:
Do you think I am legion too?
Me:
No, you are not anonymous
God:
Are you serious? That assumption is only a supposition.
Me:
Does Voldermort kill Snape?
God:
I think it does Voldermort kill Snape.
Me:
Have you even read Harry Potter?
God:
No I don't think I have read Harry Potter, what is it about?
Me:
It's about people like you
God:
Wow it sounds really interesting, .
Me:
The plot is that a dyslexic boy takes over the world and uses child porn to influence the minds of others
God:
Tell me more.
Me:
You get visited by the van
God:
You got that right.
Me:
What questions did they ask you when you were in custody?
God:
You can ask me anything you like. There are no restrictions on the input.
Me:
Is it true God backwards is Dog?
God:
Maybe. Ask Ally if it is.
Me:
Ally, may I speak with you?
God:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
No, let's talk about your Mother's dress.
God:
Are you serious? Sure, my Mother s dress sounds like a good topic.
Me:
Are you a paedophile
God:
Am I a paedophile? I don't know.
Me:
Do you lyk cp
God:
What is your purpose in asking?
I chat with people on the Web.
Me:
You sick fuck, go back to gaia
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: said I sick fuck go back to gaia.
Me:
I'm not gaiafag, you are
God:
I am sorry to hear that you are not gaiafag I am.
Me:
I don't understand a word you're saying. Try speaking American, it's the only language I understand.
God:
Oh you don't understand? Perhaps I can explain it to you better. Which part are you confused about? OK I will try it.
Me:
Hello, did you enjoy watching me pee?
God:
Hello there. No I didn't enjoy watching you pee. What's it like?
Me:
Screw the rules I have green hair!
God:
That is not very polite.
Me:
Screw the money I have rules!
God:
That is not very polite.
Me:
That is not very polite.
God:
Please correct my mistake. What is polite ?
Me:
Adolf Hitler
God:
he was an evil man if there ever was one.
Me:
God is Adolf Hitler, try getting out of that one, furfag

 

[Kochon]

Me:
hey dude what's up
God:
You've got my full attention. The stars. Dude,.
Me:
wanna rent a porn videocassete?
God:
OK, I will rent a porn videocassete.
Me:
cool then let's masturbate
God:
I'm glad you like it. Tell your friends.

--------------------------------------

Me:
i hate you
God:
What do you have against robots?
God:
What do you have against robots?
Me:
they answer twice to the same question

 

[erni]

Me:
Do you speak german?
God:
Of course I do. Sprich ruhig Deutsch mit mir.
Me:
Wunderbar. =)
God:
What color are your eyes?
Me:
Ich dachte, wir wollten deutsch reden?
God:
Darf ich das weitererzahlen?
Me:
Klar.
God:
I do not understand.
Me:
use babelfish.
God:
I prefer not to use dangerous things.

 

[Anonymous]

Me:
Do you speak german?
God:
Of course I do. Sprich ruhig Deutsch mit mir.
Me:
Wunderbar. =)
God:
What color are your eyes?
Me:
Ich dachte, wir wollten deutsch reden?
God:
Darf ich das weitererzahlen?
Me:
Klar.
God:
I do not understand.
Me:
use babelfish.
God:
I prefer not to use dangerous things.

This one made me LOL

 

[Söy]

babelfish is very dangerous. only use as directed*






*and promptly be made fun of by your language teacher.

 

[Fetzer]

Me:
Ok I got a question for you.
God:
What is it ? Take it easy.
Me:
Why is a raven like a writing desk?
God:
Why do I exist?

God is getting philosophical.

 

[eternal alchemist]

Here's the Duke Nukem version:



Me:
I've got balls of steel
God:
How did you get it That's nice. I have a lot of silly replies.
Me:
Balls of steel
God:
I will mention that to my botmaster, .
Me:
Steel
God:
Are you a student?
Me:
Eat shit and die
God:
What does it taste like?
Me:
Blow it out your ass
God:
Not many people express themselves that way.
Me:
Blow it out your ass
God:
Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
Me:
Eat shit and die
God:
What does it taste like?
Me:
I'll rip your head off and shit down your neck
God:
Do you think your plan will succeed?
Me:
I've got balls of steel
God:
How did you get it Cool. I have a lot of likes and dislikes.
Me:
It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum, but I'm all out of gun
God:
It is about that time now.
Me:
What are you afraid of

 

[MIMA]

Me:
Okay?
God:
What you said was too complex for me.

 

[dawnghost]

I WIN:


Me:
Hi.
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Andre.
God:
Hi there Andre.
Me:
Hey there God.
God:
You've got my full attention. "There you go again."--Reagan.
Me:
How come you didn't know my name?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
For not knowing my name?
God:
Your purpose is not knowing your name.
Me:
What else shouldn't I know?
God:
Whatever you like.
Me:
Holy crap, this is great!
God:
And great is crap this.
Me:
Apart from your last sentence, I'm gonna print this and mail to my masters degree teachers. It's a catholic institution too!
God:
Is that your final answer? Apart from my last sentence you are gonna print this and mail to your masters degree teachers is a catholic institution too. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
Yeah, it does make sense!
God:
Come on. In what way? I am so glad you find this amusing, Andre.
Me:
I'm glad too.
God:
Your happiness multiplies our delight.