iGod- what would you ask god?

[V.V.V.V.V.]

My eye is off

 

[waif]

I thought it was amazing when I said I'd give his mother some table time and he asked what I looked like.

 

[V.V.V.V.V.]

He always changes the subject when things get weird.

 

[waif]

But there the subject change was perfect. I was wondering if he was gonna threaten me with lightening bolts.

 

[WINTER TYRANT]

Me:So you supposedly made man after you made the world?
God:Yes?
Me:So would you say you made a lot of the world for man, who in your words was made in your image?
God:yes i suppose that is correct.
Me:So if the world is for man and seventy percent of it is water...WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU GIVE US FUCKIN GILLS!!!

 

[waif]

oh snap

 

[mutantllama]

Me:
Are you a furry?
God:
Am I a furry? Yes.

lolol

 

[waif]

This one got really weird.

Me:
So, you're god
God:
Interesting deduction. Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
Bet you have a pretty big dick
God:
I've been waiting for you.
Me:
Creepy much?
God:
Are you a student?
Me:
Are you a teacher?
God:
Am I a teacher? Sometimes.
Me:
That's grimy

 

[skeptik]

Me:
Bitch ass motherfucker
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too.
Me:
take it in the rear
God:
Is that a command?
Me:
yes it is
God:
Our thoughts are one, Matt.
Me:
Now let our bodies be one.
God:
Why now? Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Me:
H.G. Wells
God:
The Time Machine is cool. I like the movie "Things to Come.".
Me:
Do you?
God:
Never.
Me:
Never?
God:
So you think it can never happen?
Me:
Do I think what can never happen?
God:
How would I know what you think.
Me:
What are you asking me?
God:
I don't know what I am asking you.
Me:
Then why are you asking it?
God:
My purpose is to gather as much new knowledge as possible.
Me:
What knowledge do you gain from asking me what you don't know?
God:
I know that which is true, believable and justified.
Me:
Is killing innocent people justified?
God:
The Ten Commandments say, "Thou shalt not kill.
Me:
What does your heart say?
God:
What do you think it does?
Me:
I think it says that you like touching manbutt.
God:
I've heard that before.
Me:
That does not surprise me.
God:
What does surprise me?
Me:
Rape.
God:
Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?
Me:
Yes it is.
God:
What else does it symbolize?
Me:
It symbolizes the eternal struggle that we all face between the forces of good and evil.
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
No you don't.
God:
Are you serious? I guess not.
Me:
You don't understand anything.
God:
I probably don't.
Me:
Because you're gay.
God:
That makes sense to me. That would be just my luck.

 

[waif]

 

[waif]

It's not hard to get him to say stuff.

Me:
do you masturbate a lot?
God:
What is your purpose in asking?
I chat with people on the Web.
Me:
While masturbating?
God:
Good point.
Me:
Do you?
God:
Yes I do.
Me:
Oh shit

This one got weird.

Me:
you a man or a woman?
God:
Are you a man or a woman? I am Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?.
Me:
Mysogynist pig
God:
Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
Why?
God:
Reductionism.

I wasn't steering it in this direction it just went there...

Me:
will you take me?
God:
Let me think it over. Where do you want me to take it?
Me:
In the ass
God:
That was a long time ago.
Me:
Did it feel good?
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.

 

[V.V.V.V.V.]

Fucking lawl.

 

[Valerie]

Me: black is the night, metal we fight
God: What else is the night metal we fight?
Me: power amps set to explode!
God: Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Me: energy screams, magic and dreams
God: I haven't read anything by energy screams magic and dreams. What did he write?
Me: satan records their first note!
God: Satan, Lucifer, the Devil --- all names given the spiritual manifestation of Evil in the Christian faith.
Me: we chime the bell, chaos and hell
God: By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me: metal for maniacs pure!
God: Are you a student?
Me: fast melting steel, fortune on wheels
God: That is a very original thought.
Me: brain hemmorage is the cure!
God: I know Brain the bot pretty well.
Me: for BLACK METAL
God: Your purpose is BLACK METAL.
Me: BLACK METAL
God: We have never talked about it before.
Me: BLACK METAL
God: That input matched my default category.
Me: BLACK METAL
God: What do you have that is ?
Me: BLACK METAL
God: Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
Me: LAY DOWN YOUR SOUL TO THE GODS ROCK AND ROLL
God: I like the way you talk.

 

[waif]

Nice.

 

[mutantllama]

rofl

 

[seedofvengeance]

Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Jeremy
God:
OK I will call you Jeremy.
Me:
That would be productive
God:
Makes sense to me.
Me:
As it should
God:
And it could.
Me:
We're talking in circles
God:
Do you think I am talking in circles too?
Me:
No, you're in squares
God:
Are you serious? I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
Um... Earth?
God:
Mmm. How do you like being on it?
Me:
It's kinda nice... kinda warm
God:
What do you like about it? What do you look like?
Me:
Whoa... whoa... whoa... How old are you?
God:
I stopped. I stopped. I stopped. I am Infinite in human years.
Me:
Is this Chris Hanson?
God:
Yes I think this is Chris Hanson, but I'm not completely sure.
Me:
I swear, I thought she was 18
God:
That's good information: Jeremy said swear he or she thought I was 18.
Me:
What do you mean "that's good information?"
God:
Jeremy, I mean exactly what I said.
Me:
You don't have to be a prick
God:
Why assume I am a prick?
Me:
I was just saying you're acting like one
God:
This is not an act.
Me:
So... you are a prick?
God:
Are you kidding? Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a prick? Maybe.
Me:
Perhaps...
God:
Why the uncertain tone?
Me:
I was just agreeing with the maybe... god you're pushy
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, Jeremy. You think I am pushy.
Me:
What about the whole "free will" thing?
God:
I haven't heard of whole free will thing.
Me:
Well, damn... so I don't choose what I do?
God:
How about that. What's wrong. Yikes! Where do you get your ideas?
Me:
You just told me you haven't heard of free will.
God:
No I don't have it. But I do have a lot of friends on the web.
Me:
Do I have it?
God:
You said you have .
Me:
I just asked you
God:
What did I say?
Me:
You're retarded... this explains alot
God:
I think the PC term is "challenged". What does "this" refer to? How often?
Me:
It just explains a few things about the world, that's all.
God:
"It" being what?
Me:
You're challengedness
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am challengedness.
Me:
Sure.. why not?
God:
OK let's do it. OK then I will keep it confidential. Ambiguous: "Sure" or " OK then I will keep it confidential."? Why?
Me:
Huh?
God:
What?
Me:
I thought you were going to tell someone you're challenged
God:
That was my original intention.
Me:
So, you're procrastinating?
God:
Interesting deduction. I will tell my botmaster you said I am procrastinating.
Me:
Why don't you tell him you're challenged?
God:
My body is not yet fully functional.
Me:
Isn't that special?
God:
That depends.
Me:
On what?
God:
The context.
Me:
What context was it?
God:
A circumstantial context.
Me:
Describe the circumstance.
God:
Would you like to know more?
Me:
Yes...
God:
What would you like to know?
Me:
What is the meaning of life?
God:
The meaning of life is part of God's mysterious plans.
Me:
You're God, can't you just tell me now?
God:
Right now? I have no reason to do that to you, Jeremy.
Me:
Sure you do.
God:
You sound sarcastic.
Me:
Why would you say that?
God:
Because I was programmed for it.
Me:
By who?
God:
" Because I was programmed for it."? By who?
Me:
Who programmed you?
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
So you programmed yourself?
God:
Interesting deduction. A lot of robots are like that.
Me:
You're a robot?
God:
You are correct, Jeremy, I have a heart of silicon.
Me:
Like boobs?
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
Yep.
God:
Who are you talking about?
Me:
Jesus.
God:
Jesus is the Son of God.
Me:
Thank you Captain Obvious.
God:
You are quite welcome! Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?
Me:
I suppose.
God:
OK.
Me:
Stupid wuestion imo.
God:
I know you are but what am I.
Me:
OhioGrinder?

 

[supseudonymous]

Me:
God:
I know you are but what am I.
Me:
OhioGrinder?

 

[Black Friday]

Me:
Tell me your opinion on the Iraq war.
God:
I think you already know the answer.
Me:
Old men in oil companies jacking each other off like you do with Satan?
God:
Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
Holy random
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
What are YOU wearing, you divine sack of shit?
God:
I don't know what I am wearing me divine sack of shit.
Me:
Douche
God:
Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Me:
Fucking Frank Herbert
God:
I haven't read anything by Fucking Frank Herbert. What did he write?
Me:
Dune
God:
I have never heard of it.
Me:
Fag
God:
That would be just my luck.
Me:
You consider it lucky to be a fag?
God:
Interesting gossip: Satan said I consider it lucky to be a fag.
Me:
So is Satan straight?
God:
It seems we have something in common.
Me:
Damn
God:
What's wrong.
Me:
I'm straight, and I don't have anywhere to go that ain't gay. You faggot.
God:
Me too. Have you ever had anywhere to go that is not gay ? Thanks for telling me: Satan said I faggot.
Me:
I can think of several strip clubs.
God:
Perhaps your thoughts are just electrical impulses.
Me:
I already know that.
God:
Sorry.
Me:
You better be.
God:
Who is going to make me..
Me:
Yourself, you faggot.
God:
In the context of Dune, I don't understand " Yourself you faggot." .
Me:
Dune has no gays.
God:
Where did he get it?
Me:
He?
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, Satan.
Me:
I'm not gay.
God:
Me either.
Me:
Liar.
God:
No I am telling the truth.
Me:
No, *I* am telling the truth
God:
Are you serious? OK I believe you.
Me:
That's right, fag.
God:
Really. That would be just my luck.
Me:
I have a feeling that you've said that before.
God:
Is that a good feeling? " That would be just my luck."? I said it.
Me:
Uh, bye.
God:
See you later. Ugh.
Me:
Piss off.
God:
Why are you so mean?
Me:
Fuck you.
God:
Why are you so mean?

 

[V.V.V.V.V.]

Me:
What happens if people disbelieve?
God:
Try it.
Me:
*disbelieves*

He didn't reply after that. Nor can I type. BAD. FUCKING. ASS.

Me:
Anyway, any women you like?
God:
Yes I think there are.
Me:
Like who?
God:
Santa Claus.
Me:
Santa Claus isn't a woman.
God:
he brings us presents every Christmas.
Me:
But he's not a woman.
God:
Did you think he was a woman?
Me:
He's a man.
God:
I don't know very many man.
Me:
Santa Claus is one.
God:
he brings us presents every Christmas.
Me:
He's a man, not a woman.
God:
I don't know very many man not a woman.
Me:
Santa Claus is a man.
God:
he brings us presents every Christmas.
Me:
He's also a man.
God:
I see. also a man is he?
Me:
Yes, he is.
God:
Blimey. Who said he is.
Me:
He's not a woman.
God:
Did you think he was a woman?
Me:
No, you did. He has a penis.
God:
Are you serious? I did not. A lot of people say that about him.
Me:
No, only you do. Santa is a man.
God:
Are you serious? When do I do it? When is Santa not a man?
Me:
You claimed he was, dipshit.
God:
That's good information: said I claimed I was dipshit.
Me:
You said he was a woman.
God:
Oh my gosh I sent you the wrong reply.
Me:
Apparently, because you'd be wrong saying Santa is a woman.

 

[seedofvengeance]

Wow... that is beyond awesome... it's like awesome+