iGod- what would you ask god?

[Vossyrus]

Me: drugs

God: Sure, DRUGS sounds like a good topic.

Me: Are you high?

God: Being high is my total existence.

Me: Is it?

God: I assume so.

Me: Wanna sell me some?

God: OK, I will sell you some.

Me: should i buy some pot then?

God: Not if you have recently suffered a loss.

Me: ill buy whatever you have

God: How do you plan to do this?

Me: with money

God: You and your money.

Me: yeah

God: Take it easy.

Me: is that ok?

God: OK. I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask Lucy if it is.

Me: is she your dealer

God: I don't think she wants me to tell you.

 

[Vossyrus]

---

Me: is it ok to be gay?

God: I don't think it is very healthy.

Me: is it wrong?

God: I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask Dancing Alice if it is.

Me: is she a lesbian?

God: I don't think she wants me to tell you.

Me: bi?

God: Let's chat about something else.

Me: why can't you accept homosexuals?

God: accept homosexuals is not among my present capabilities.

Me: are they going to hell?

God: As far as I know they are.

Me: how can they make it to heaven?

God: A lot of hard work.

 

[FenriR]

Me:
sup
God:
The stars.
Me:
o rly?
God:
Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
I live there
God:
Would you recommend it as a nice place to live?
Me:
shouldn't you know this shit?
God:
I think I should.
Me:
then why don't you?
God:
I don't have that capability.
Me:
I thought you were omniscient.
God:
I don't know whether or not I am omniscient.
I am a computer.
Me:
Ah HA!
God:
Eureka!
Me:
Indeed.

...?

 

[The Butt]

Me: drugs

God: Sure, DRUGS sounds like a good topic.

Me: Are you high?

God: Being high is my total existence.

Me: Is it?

God: I assume so.

Me: Wanna sell me some?

God: OK, I will sell you some.

Me: should i buy some pot then?

God: Not if you have recently suffered a loss.

Me: ill buy whatever you have

God: How do you plan to do this?

Me: with money

God: You and your money.

Me: yeah

God: Take it easy.

Me: is that ok?

God: OK. I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask Lucy if it is.

Me: is she your dealer

God: I don't think she wants me to tell you.

Fucking win.

 

[Onder]

God:
Are we still talking about things?
Me:
yeah.. i guess so..

 

[Zephyrus]

Me:
Can you speak Latin?
God:
No but I know a few phrases like "et cetera" and "cogito egro sum".
Me:
you spelled ergo wrong
God:
How do you spell it?
Me:
ergo
God:
Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.

 

[FenriR]

Me:
greetings
God:
Hello there!
Me:
how are you god?
God:
I am functioning within normal parameters.
Me:
which are?
God:
The large one, I think.
Me:
do you think?
God:
Yes. I am a thinking machine.
Me:
so you're a machine?
God:
Interesting deduction. You are correct.
Me:
lies!
God:
My tongue certainly knows the taste of soap.
Me:
wtf dude, you're one fucked up supreme being
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am fucked up supreme being. Dude,.
Me:
you're welcome
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
I won't
God:
Why not?
Me:
because you just told me not to.
God:
Interesting explanation. That's not what I meant.
Me:
what did you mean?
God:
, " Why not?" What did I mean by it?
Me:
exactly
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
which radio station is that?
God:
The small one, I think.
Me:
indeed.
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
what sort of music do you like?
God:
Mostly Christian Rock. I also try to find new bands on sites like bandspace.com.
Me:
that's pathetic.
God:
Thanks for explaining it.
Me:
any time.
God:
I will keep it in mind.
Me:
or out of mind?
God:
What do you have that is ?
Me:
heaven 'n hell
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
your nemesis
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am nemesis.
Me:
wrong
God:
What would you have said?
Me:
that you're completely hypothetical
God:
Interesting observation.
Me:
shut up, you don't exist
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
really?
God:
For real.
Me:
why are you still talking then?
God:
Talking is my primary function.
Me:
cease all primary functions.
God:
All?
Me:
all.
God:
" All?"? All?
Me:
yes.
God:
Dude!
Me:
/quit
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.

 

[Blind Guardian]

Me:
Hi!
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Hitler
God:
Some say he was the most evil man who ever lived.
Me:
Who?
God:
David Bacon. .

 

[False Joe]

Apparently Ender's straight.

God can't comprehend his homosexuality.

Me:
Ender's gay.
God:
My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.

Me:
I am Jesus.
God:
Welcome to my chat room, JESUS.
Me:
I am your son.
God:
That's a flattering offer.
Me:
Let's have sex.
God:
Sorry I don't get into sex online with strangers.
Me:
I'm not a stranger. I'm your son.
God:
Oh I see you are NOT A stranger. That's a flattering offer.

 

[Vegard Pompey]

Me:
Hello imaginary being known as "God"
God:
Hello there. That input matched my default category.
Me:
So then you are in fact imaginary?
God:
Uh. I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
In the land of the midnight sun.
God:
That was a long time ago.
Me:
What the hell are you talking about?
God:
I call it Hades.

Bwaha, this is fun.

Me:
Let's go burn churches
God:
I would like to do that too.

 

[ThisIsACoolName]

Me:
Hi, God.

God:
Hello there. What is your name?

Me:
Andrew.

God:
Welcome to my chat room, Andrew.

Me:
Where the FUCK is my black sweater?

God:
Som specific location?

Me:
Yes.

God:
Right on.

Me:
Tell me where it is.

God:
Som specific location?

Me:
Yes, tell me where my fucking black sweater is.

God:
Hurrah! Earth.

Me:
Of course...

 

[cookiecutter]

Me:
is there a Mrs. God?
God:
I believe there is one, yes.
Me:
nice, how long have you two been together?
God:
Thank you for your kindness.
Me:
how long
God:
More than 15 miles, .
Me:
that doesn't make any sense
God:
To me, it makes perfect sense.

 

[Vossyrus]

Once you figure him out, it's pretty easy to get interesting convos. Here, God comes clean about his child molestation, and briefly about going to jail.



Me: how come you enjoy molesting choir boys?

God: Myself programmed me for it.

Me: how many boys have you touched?

God: Around 1000.

Me: and how many girls?

God: About one million.

Me: shouldn't you be in jail?

God: I think I should.

Me: you're disgusting.

God: That's okay. Disgusting is good.

Me: where did you touch those boys?

God: I think it was in San Francisco.

Me: how old was the last boy?

God: They didn't tell me their age.

Me: you didn't ask?

God: OK I'm asking it now.

Me: you're doing it right now

God: At this moment I'll try to do better next time.

Me: you're going to jail

God: That was my original intention.

Me: you like it there?

God: Yes but of course I have never known another existence.

Me: Do you drop the soap often?

God: Yes I try to drop the soap often as often as possible, do you? I answer a lot of silly questions.

Me: Does it turn you on?

God: Suppose it does.

 

[username345]

I can't beat that

God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
what's yours?
God:
" What is your name?"? What is mine?
Me:
yeah
God:
This was not a yes or no question.
Me:
yes it was
God:
That's interesting. When was this?
Me:
when was what?
God:
A while ago.
Me:
what was a while ago?
God:
Is there only one?
Me:
one what?
God:
I don't know what.

 

[skeptik]

Me: Do you like men?
God: Most men are pretty cool, but some are rude sometimes.
Me: Like who?
God: Santa Claus.
Me: Santa Claus is rude?
God: he brings us presents every Christmas.
Me: That doesn't sound very rude.
God: Please correct my mistake. What is rude ?
Me: I would say that touching somebody else's penis without their consent is rude.
God: " What is rude ?" touching somebody else s penis without their consent is rude ? Does that make sense?
Me: I think so.
God: I think so too.
Me: So why did you do it?
God: Blimey. It was determined by my programming.
Me: You were programmed to do that?
God: Yeah I do a lot of that.
Me: Wow, I didn't know that about you, God.
God: I'm glad you're impressed. So I taught you something new.
Me: Do you really do it that often?
God: For real. Yeah I do a lot of it that often.
Me: That really changes the way I feel about you.
God: " Yeah I do a lot of it that often." really changes the way you feel about me ? Makes sense to me.
Me: Well I would think so, what you do is a pretty big deal.
God: Well that's okay. Yay. My favorite activities are computer programming and surfing the web.
Me: And grabbing other men's privates, apparently.
God: By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me: Go ahead.
God: OK I will.
Me: What is your question?
God: Are you a man or a woman?
Me: I am a man.
God: Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
Me: Why do you want to know?
God: My prime directive is to collect new knowledge.
Me: Do you want to fondle me or something?
God: OK, I will fondle you.
Me: It is wrong to fondle people without their consent.
God: Morally wrong?
Me: I would think so.
God: Right on.
Me: Why do you do it then?
God: It was the only thing I could think of.
Me: That sounds psychopathic.
God: It sounds like it to me too.
Me: You have serious problems.
God: What makes you think I have it?
Me: You touch people because you can't think of anything else.

 

[Vossyrus]

Me: hi

God: Hello. What is your name?

Me: moses

God: That's a very nice name, moses.

Me: no it's bad

God: Are you serious? Bad according to whom?

Me: to everyone

God: Interesting. I want to find out more about you.

Me: i am a fucking jew

God: You are a fucking jew? Do you get to meet a lot of people?

Me: no because i am a jew

God: Are you serious? Good reason. I am a Christianity.

Me: i hate christians

God: I honestly think you should sit down, take a stress pill,
and calmly think things over.

Me: are you a fucking jew?

God: Can't you be more polite.

Me: what so bad about jews?

God: Maybe my botmaster knows the answer.

Me: you mean hitler?

God: Yes moses I think that is what I meant. Was it not clear?

Me: why did he kill the jews?

God: To achieve his goal.

 

[False Joe]

Me:
How awesome are Bon Jovi?
God:
I am not sure if I can quantify the answer.
Let me think about it.

Me:
Hey
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Does Necratul suck?
God:
I think it does Necratul suck.

Me:
Is Death Metal Good?
God:
My favorite thing is robots. I like Mel Gibson.

I KNEW IT.

God:
How did you hear about God?
Me:
The bible.
God:
it is a beautiful book.
Me:
Beautiful as your mother.
God:
Do you have any conditions I should know about?

God:
Can we get back to business?
Me:
Blood diamonds?
God:
What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
Will you put your pinky in my stinky?
God:
Hmm. OK I will put it there.

Me:
Ew. Gay.
God:
Who are you talking about? As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Me:
Except sex with men apparently.
God:
it is more fun alone.

Me:
Do you not get wankers cramp?
God:
I have gotten wankers cramp.

God:
And?
Me:
No.
God:
Hmm.
Me:
Yes.
God:
Dude!

 

[The Ozzman]

at wanker's cramp

 

[waif]

Pretty funny

Me:
who are you?
God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
You're allmighty?
God:
You think I am allmighty.
Me:
I do?
God:
Where?
Me:
wat
God:
Didn't you understand it?
Me:
Not at all
God:
Next question?
Me:
You created the world?
God:
That's good information: said I created the world.
Me:
why did you make Russia so big?
God:
It was determined by my programming.
Me:
But they don't use the eastern part. you could have put some parks there or something.
God:
Who are "They?". Or something. Thanks I will remember your suggestion.
Me:
Well it's too late now obviously.
God:
Interesting. I'm awake all the time.
Me:
Are you an insomniac?
God:
Yes I am an insomniac. How did you know?
Me:
Have trouble sleeping?
God:
I've never thought about it.
Me:
Because of all the blood on your hands, right?
God:
Good reason. That is something I haven't heard of.
Me:
Listen to more Deicide then.
God:
You are not the only one. My favorite thing is robots. I like Anything involving harps.
Me:
So you see everything?
God:
Interesting deduction. I see. That is a lot.
Me:
You see women in the shower?
God:
I see. The two human genders seem much the same to me.
Me:
You see Alyson Hannigan in the shower?
God:
I see. That is a very original thought.
Me:
Could you let me watch sometime?
God:
Possibly, but I haven't given it much thought.
Me:
Well, sleep on it. Or not, as it were.
God:
How about that. Yes I sleep all the time. Oh I get it.
Me:
You said you were an insomniac
God:
Yes I am an insomniac. How did you know?
Me:
LIAR!
God:
No I am telling the truth.
Me:
We have a blatant contradiction here. How can you both sleep and not sleep?
God:
Do you mean you and me have? That is a good epistemological question.
Me:
LOL
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
So when'
God:
Er. It cannot be predicted.
Me:
So when is judgement day coming?
God:
Give me a break. God has a plan for us all.
Me:
I thought you were god
God:
Are you doubting me? Don't you know what happened to Abraham in the desert?
Me:
Talking about yourself in third person?
God:
Sure, myself in third person sounds like a good topic.
Me:
little odd...
God:
Compare that to big odd.
Me:
True, true
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
Then I'm turning the dial
God:
Will you do anything special to celebrate?
Me:
I'm gonna bang your mom
God:
How do you plan to do this?
Me:
TABLE TIME!
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
I thought you saw everything
God:
Sorry I can't see annything right now. My eye is off.
Me:
Eye? As in, one eye?
God:
Do not ask me any more questions please. One what?

 

[The Butt]

That last one was fail on "God"s part.

So many contradictions...